mistakes to avoid at the beginning of the relationship
Who am I?
My name is Sandrino and I am a coach in the field of romantic relationships and personal development.
I help men and women of all ages to better live their relationships with others but especially with themselves.
Personal development and psychology allowed me to understand the human but knowledge would be nothing without experience.
Like you, I have experienced love at first sight, beautiful stories and less glorious, moments of happiness and others full of disillusionment.
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I have been happy as a couple for 9 years and father of a little boy but is it really the result of chance or my improvement as my relationships progress? (mistakes to avoid at the beginning of the relationship)
The journey between my first love story and my current story is immense and has taught me so much.
Today, I want to help you follow the same path, to accomplish yourself and to flourish in order to better succeed in your daily relationships.
In this article, I will discuss the beginnings of relationships, which are sensitive moments and which can turn into beautiful love stories or end quickly without us understanding why.
I am mainly addressing this article to women, but men are equally affected.
The beginnings of relationships are fragile (mistakes to avoid at the beginning of the relationship)
You meet men you like. The attraction is reciprocal. But after a few weeks or months, your partner prefers to stop the relationship.
The reason given is that he can not attach himself, to fall in love with you or that he can not forget his ex.
However, the relationship had started well… So you say to yourself “all the same” or “men don’t want to commit” ,…
This is a perfectly natural reflex: when something does not work, we often tend to blame others.
However, if you take a step back, you will realize that there may be very specific reasons why these men do not want to commit themselves.
We make many mistakes throughout our love stories but the mistakes of the beginning have more impact
Because the beginnings of the relationship are fragile.
What if you had made a mistake at the beginning of your relationship?
In order to help you avoid the odds in this fragile moment, here are 2 mistakes to avoid at the beginning of the relationship.
Error #1: You are not yourselves
Of all the mistakes, I think this is the most important: you are not yourself.
The reason is simple: you want to please or not displease the men you meet.
Wanting to please is a completely natural behavior if you do it with respect. But this is not the case if you play the role of someone you are not. This is not the case if you deny who you are to conform to the image that the other expects of you.
And many of you say the opposite of what you want, simply so as not to scare him…
But you are making a short-term calculation: I want to please him. And like all short-term choices, they are often bad in the long run. You will be able to play this little game for several weeks or months but you will rarely go beyond the first year. You cannot pretend to be someone you are not in the long term.
And at some point in your relationship, you’ll let your guard down and show who you are and what you want in the relationship. You’ll want more. And it is at this precise moment that your partner will tell you that he does not have enough feelings or that he is not ready to commit.
You will feel rejected and may find yourself in a situation of emotional dependence even though it has never happened to you before.
Sometimes even men indicate from the beginning of the relationship that they do not wish to engage. You know this, but you are thinking of changing his mind. But this strategy does not work. It’s a mistake.
So my first piece of advice is simple: if you want a long-term story, stop saying otherwise: “Yes, I want a light story like you. I don’t want to take my head off. I live my life in the present without doing calculations… » . You may not say what you want but do not say the opposite of what you want.
And do not deny who you are to please the other. You have qualities: put them forward. You have flaws: change them or assume them but do not hide them.
You are who you are and your partners must accept you as they are.
Mistake #2: you want to go too fast (mistakes to avoid at the beginning of the relationship)
The second mistake at the beginning of the relationship is that of wanting to go too fast.
I have many friends in my thirties who can’t find love (despite my advice). The main reason is that they put pressure very quickly on the men they meet.
They want to move quickly. Too fast.
We all know the reason. This is the biological clock. The desire for children. The need to get married. The social pressure of celibacy.
But this need turns into fear: the fear of not having children, the fear of not getting married, the fear of ending up as an “old girl”, the fear of being the only girl in the family to be single while the others are in a relationship.
And you know it: you can’t live in fear, need and urgency. What man wants a woman who is stressed and in need?
Put yourself in a man’s head: what attracts him? someone in need or someone who makes him want?
It’s exactly the same situation for women: what attracts you? A man well in his skin and in his sneakers or a dependent man, in need?
You have understood everything: you cannot go on like this. You need to change your approach.
I have been in a relationship for 9 years with my partner. From the beginning of the relationship, I wanted a serious story and I liked it but it took time to set up.
During the first year, we were two very close partners but still foreign to each other. It takes time to get to know each other and to know if we want to spend a piece of our lives and have children with someone.
We moved in together after 3 years of relationships and waited another year to make the decision to have a child together (even though we had mentioned it in the first year).
My partner never put pressure on me at the beginning of the relationship and that’s also what I enjoyed about her. Having a relationship where I don’t feel oppressed by someone I just knew.
Because we often forget something: at the beginning of the relationship, and even if we have a good feeling, we do not know each other. I repeat this because it is an important element: we think we know each other but we do not know each other.
I’m not saying you have to wait that long to move in together or have a child. I am saying that you should not put pressure on a man you have known recently.
So my second piece of advice is to fight that sense of urgency that makes you unhappy. You have to live your life in the present, make the right choices of partners, i.e. choose those who want a serious story and not put pressure on them to engage in the first weeks of the relationship.
I hope that this article will allow you to better succeed in your beginnings of relationships.
If you have any questions, I would be happy to answer you.
Take care of yourself and see you soon.