Addiction in the couple
My dear ones,
Often in a couple, a hierarchy is quickly installed. When it is put in place, it is unfortunately impossible to get rid of it, because it becomes the very essence of what constitutes your couple. This is totally akin to an individual’s dependence on his alter-ego. Each one is built and evolves in the couple according to this balance of power, established consciously or not.
When the dependency is not reciprocal, it is then that you witness the construction of a balance of power. But how does this balance of power come about in a couple?
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It is often the fascination of one towards the other that leads him to subjugate himself, by a phenomenon of excessive admiration. Lack of self-confidence, fear of losing the other, sickly jealousy, are all answers to this phenomenon. ( Addiction in the couple )
A dependency then sets in. It is up to you to understand that addiction, in a couple or not, whatever the relationships that lead to it, has absolutely nothing that tends to be or become love.
Personal fulfillment in the couple, or in the relationship with two (here we will focus on the couple) is impossible, because it is based only on the distorted perception of the other and of oneself. If you put the other on a pedestal, all your reactions will gradually lead you to the destruction of your couple.
You will automatically and certainly place yourself in spite of yourself in the role of the weak, in order to respond eternally to this fascination, and also in the perspective of being able to continue to look at the other as being superior to you. ( Addiction in the couple )
You are not only fascinated by the other, but you are especially fascinated by your respective statuses in the couple, which you will wish to keep in order to be reassured on the solid foundation of your couple. You think that it is thanks to these statutes put in place that the couple advances. That the hierarchy that has settled gives a balance to your couple.
This is obviously not the case. For a couple to be rhythmic positively, and balanced healthy, dependence must not be part of the lexical field of your love (these are two contradictory words), but above all, the hierarchy must certainly exist, but must alternate permanently.
There is a pre-established character in this balance of power. This will become for you the only way to keep the other, because the relationship will evolve in the direction you give it. Indeed, strangely enough, in this type of relationship characterized as harmful, more than simply unhealthy, it is the “weak” person who sets the tone of the couple. ( Addiction in the couple )
It is she who places the other in a role that does not decently belong to her. It is she who conditions the mood of the couple. The person then perceives himself only in the way he thinks he is perceived. The worst thing is obviously that she has the feeling of being really weak, regardless of her life as a couple. The conditioning of its status is underway.
On the other side, two reactions are then possible by the person who plays the masterful role of the relationship, again consciously or not: ( Addiction in the couple )
Rejection. For he or she will be tired of this destructive bond that unites you, and by this fear that animates you. A misunderstanding of this fascination that he would find inexplicable is then installed. Through this fascination, you will certainly reach a stage of moral exhaustion that will lead you to reproach the other for taking advantage of the hierarchy that he would, according to you, have installed himself.
The second possible reaction by the other is to play the role he enjoyed until then, in spite of himself. In this case, the unhealthy nature of the relationship is at its peak. He will then take advantage of the weakness in which you were curl up in order to make it his advantage totally in your couple.
(That said, here the word “curled up” is used, but weakness in this addiction can also be experienced differently, including exuberance).
In Fragments d’un Discours amoureux, by Roland Barthes, which turns out to be the Bible of romantic relationships in my opinion, he defines dependence: “Dependence: a figure in which opinion sees the very condition of the subject of love, enslaved to the beloved object.” It is also specified: ( Addiction in the couple )
“If I assume my dependence, it is because it is for me a way to signify my request: in the field of love, futility is not a weakness, or a ridicule: it is a strong sign: the more it is futile, the more it means and the more it asserts itself as a strength”.
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