Arrival of a baby and tension in the couple: how to avoid the baby clash?

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Arrival of a baby and tension in the couple

The arrival of a child is the most anticipated event, the one that is crowned with happiness. But despite everything it is also a great upheaval that can be synonymous with strong tensions in the couple. The arrival of a baby can indeed cause conflicts due to the radical change of life. Fatigue, new responsibilities, various worries. You can’t be totally prepared. And this creates difficult times for both parents to live. How to prepare for this beautiful event to avoid the tensions of couple and the famous baby-clash? How to live serenely the transition from couple to parents? Arrival of a baby and tension in the couple: how to avoid the baby clash?

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Arrival of a baby and tension in the couple: how to avoid the baby clash?

What is the baby clash?

The baby clash is the arrival of strong tensions in a couple at the birth of their child. This happy event can indeed bring out many things: unsettled childhood effects that wake up, the mother who feels misunderstood, the father who feels abandoned and excluded from the mother-child relationship… All these factors will be the departure of many tensions in the couple that can unfortunately have dramatic consequences.

Before the arrival of a child, the couple is a pair and works like this. No responsibilities, no schedules or constraints, they live as they want as long as they are on the same wavelength. But when the baby arrives, this rhythm is called into question and it is obviously no longer possible to live in the same way.

From a couple’s life to a family life (Arrival of a baby and tension in the couple)

We no longer see his partner only as his spouse or his lover, we also see him as a parent. This is a huge change that causes daily upheavals both emotionally and practically. Both parents have less time to devote to their personal activities and their relationship. That’s the difficulty when you become a parent. You have to learn to make concessions, to adapt and above all you expect your partner to live up to his new role.

Emotions are multiplied tenfold, sensitivity is at the top of its game, the worry of not knowing how to do it is omnipresent… It is therefore difficult for a couple to manage all this flow of emotions that sweep over them with dizzying speed. That’s why many couples struggle to cope and tensions come, followed by a baby clash for sure.

Arrival of a baby and tension in the couple: How to avoid the baby clash?

#1 Prepare as well as possible

Many of us have already uttered this phrase when we felt the urge to have a child: “I am ready”. But can we really be ready to experience something we don’t know? Not really!

We feel the desire, sometimes even the need but we are not ready to live it because we do not know what to expect. So you have to see things differently by telling yourself that you are ready to change your life. Above all, we must be aware that the arrival of a child turns an entire existence upside down. So be “ready” to live differently, to see your couple change, to accept the inevitable tensions, the fatigue due to the very short nights at the beginning.

You have about nine months to prepare for all of this. Talk about it as often as possible, imagine things, document yourself, talk to your close circle who has been there. You will make mistakes it is inevitable, all parents make them. But if your couple is united, you will be ready to face this upheaval which is also the greatest happiness.

#2 Communicating well (Arrival of a baby and tension in the couple)

With a baby or not, we can’t say it enough: communicating well in a couple is the most important thing. Defusing problems so that they do not get too big is essential.

Explain to your spouse how you feel, both what is right and what is wrong. Dare to open your heart to him freely, do not be ashamed to admit your fears and worries because he surely shares them. It is important to speak at a time when you have time because between two bottles and a change of diaper it will not be constructive. Listen to the other, to the feeling he has had since he became a parent and vice versa.

The mother may have been traumatized by the pains of childbirth and the dad may have been destabilized or powerless to know what to do. Do not embarrass you, talk and express your emotions. You both wanted to start a family is that the love you feel for each other is very strong, so you must do everything so that the arrival of your child embellishes it and does not damage it.

#3 How to avoid the baby clash? Sharing tasks

What creates the first conflicts after the arrival of a baby is often the lack of organization. With the arrival of a baby we are quickly overwhelmed by diapers, bottles, laundry and all other household chores such as shopping that must continue to be managed. The ideal way not to be drowned is to organize and share tasks.

If the mom breastfeeds the dad will not be able to manage baby meals for example. In this case it can manage layers or races. It’s up to you to see what is the easiest on your side but do not let yourself be overwhelmed by household chores. With a good organization everything is possible. And then in case do not hesitate to ask for help. In these moments we are happy to have the support and advice of our own parents as long as they remain caring.

#4 Rest as much as possible (Arrival of a baby and tension in the couple)

This is surely the most difficult thing about the arrival of a baby: to rest. However, it is because of fatigue in general that the first tensions arrive, so it is essential to try to spare yourself. If the dad works and has not been able to take his paternity leave or vacation it is even more difficult. The mom has to manage the whole day and often the nights too.

In this case, let the dad sleep at night from Monday to Thursday for example and when the weekend arrives you reverse, if the mom does not breastfeed of course. Then, if you have done well in sharing household chores, give yourself at least one restorative nap during the day during baby naps. A little rest will do you the greatest good and is necessary for your balance to both of you.

#5 How to avoid the baby clash? Save time as a couple

Becoming a parent does not mean no longer being a couple. You were before your baby arrived, you still are. If you don’t take time to get together, your relationship may deteriorate. You can’t just be parents, you have to stay two people who love each other and need to come together one-on-one. Your couple must be at the center of your life, like your child.

With a little organization it is quite possible to manage both. Appeal to the grandparents who will surely be happy to come and take care of their grandchild and go out for a romantic getaway; if only for a few hours. Walk, restaurant, cinema, night in a hotel if you manage to leave the baby one night. What you want as long as you get out for a few hours of your new role as parents.

#6 Accept changes at your partner’s (Arrival of a baby and tension in the couple)

The arrival of a child inevitably changes us. For women, change is even more present because it is physical too. It is therefore necessary that each one accepts the changes in the other and that it also accepts to no longer be its “everything”. We must actually admit that our partner can love his child while continuing to love us just as much. Find a new way to function as a couple and parent at the same time. One does not prevent the other. Thus, you will be able to move forward and flourish in your new role as parents while maintaining love and complicity within your couple.

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