Can you love someone you’ve never seen?
How to find the complicity of the beginnings in his couple? Over time, the couple relationship changes. We move away, we communicate less, we get angry. Yet we still love ourselves… So how to put your couple back on track and find the complicity and laughter that made us fall in love?
Would it be possible to love without seeing each other?
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Hello Rose,
I would need some advice, it’s been a month and a week that I’ve been in a relationship, I met my boyfriend on a site, but the worry is that we live far from each other, our parents don’t know each other yet, and we’ve never seen each other and yet I love him. We have to spend a few weeks together during the summer holidays, but when we each go home, we will be separated again. He finishes his studies, but chain others, I have only two years left to do. If I announce to my parents that I want to finish by doing my contests near him they will be against it. Yet our love does not seem impossible to me, some will say that we are only kids to say that we want to make our life together, but we are both adults. I love him and I’m sure it’s him; the man of my life, I want to believe it and I just need advice, on what I just shared with you.
Lolitta
Hello Lolitta,
Your message raises two major questions: your love for a “virtual” man and the distance that scares you. I will answer you in three points:
Can we love so fast? (Can you love someone you’ve never seen)
You’ve been with your friend for a little month. Even if love at first sight remains possible and love can land in our hearts quickly, be careful not to confuse everything. It is beautiful to believe in something so strong, and life being made only of beliefs, everything is possible. I just wouldn’t want the veil you wear over your eyes to reveal to you one day a reality that you’re not ready to accept.
I tend to think that such a strong feeling, felt so quickly, is to be associated more with obsession than with love, even if the two are strongly linked. It is necessary to differentiate between love and the symptoms of love:
- You have already planned what outfit you will wear when you meet
- All your friends are already aware of all its qualities and all its potential defects
- You think of him at breakfast, in class, in your bath, in your bed…
- As soon as you turn on your computer you hope it is connected
- You feel like you’re fifteen years old and surprise yourself decorating your copies of hearts in the margin
- When you watch a romance or listen to a sweet song, you can’t help but imagine yourself in his arms.
The problem is that love obsession very rarely turns into constructive and healthy love. It doesn’t question the strength of your feelings (or his). Quite the contrary, in fact! When we make a “fix” on someone, when we are obsessed with a person, the emotions felt are often stronger than in love (than in a couple, say). There is more violence, more passion.
Moreover, love, we define it with the man with whom we are and if it is with him that you want to invent it,in your own way, go for it! As long as you meet him before making plans on the comet.
Can we love someone we’ve never seen?
When you say you love a person you’ve never seen, you love the image you’ve created for yourself. Maybe you are in love with this beautiful stranger because it makes you feel important, that you share the same passions, the same values, maybe more. But you can’t know what this idealization will become on the day you meet. It is possible that love will then be fully realized. Unfortunately, however, the opposite can happen. On the day you meet, it is likely that the attachment and affection you have for him behind your screen will be destroyed. The alchemy between two people is inexplicable and one cannot know in advance the effects of a meeting in the flesh.
The only advice I could really give you is, indeed, to see him, to meet him, in order to have the ideas in the clear. Only face-to-face can give meaning to your relationship.
I think this is already done, but it is essential that you see it by webcam beforehand, because you never know… Maybe Vincente, the beautiful stranger with blue eyes is called Robert the mustachioed. (Can you love someone you’ve never seen)
Is distance a hindrance to the relationship?
If during your meeting you realize that you really want to be together, distance will not be a problem. As you say, you are adults, it is not with your parents that you will build your future life but with a man, and perhaps with him who knows? If love is stronger than anything, the obstacles will be nothing but wind. You say: “some will say that we are only kids to say that we want to make our life together, but we are both adults”. The feelings you have are real, and you don’t really care what others think about them.
The important thing is that you discover what you want to discover, that you make your own experiences without ever having any regrets. If you want to be with this guy and this choice will not disrupt your studies and your career then do not hesitate. Sometimes it is good to go against the ideas of parents, although they only want your good, their instinct pushes them to (over)protect you and be as objective as possible. Love, on the other hand, is anything but objective!
