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Destructive love

Love is the most beautiful feeling that exists. Loving and being loved in return is something wonderful. But some people love badly, love too much, do not know how to love, do not know what pure and healthy love is. We then fall into a destructive love that endangers not only your couple, but above all yourself, your state of mind, your well-being and even your mental health. Indeed, some people fall in love in an absolute, excessive, total way.

And this love goes too far, it takes control of everything and ends up hurting and destroying. To truly love, you have to share love obviously but also the values of respect, affection and trust. Without this, the relationship is not healthy. Is this your case? Do you feel that your relationship is not balanced? You suffer more than you love or feel loved but you don’t know why? What if you lived a destructive love? To find out, here are all the signs of this love to flee.

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Table of Contents

Destructive love: all the signs of this love to flee

#1 Contempt for the other

To despise one’s partner is to establish a balance of power, unbalanced, of dominant-dominated. We then find ourselves in a position that brings out a strong or complex feeling of inferiority and insecurity. Sometimes it goes very far: humiliation, hurtful and destructive criticism, insults, bullying, violence. If your partner treats you like this and it is something that repeats itself, it is because the person does not like you and you are in an unhealthy relationship and destructive love.

#2 Disinterest

Sometimes contempt takes another form, that of ignorance and disinterest in one’s partner in a destructive relationship. Hurting the other can also involve ignoring him, not taking into account his point of view, his desires, his needs, his emotions and feelings. We all need to communicate in a couple and we rightly expect understanding, sharing, reciprocity.

If your spouse ignores you and even prefers to flee during an argument, it is because he does not take you into consideration. You can then feel humiliated and lose your self-confidence, that self-esteem, by believing that you do not deserve the attention of the other or that you are responsible for everything that goes wrong.

#3 Control: One of the Signs of Destructive Love

If you are in a relationship in which your spouse tells you how to be, what should interest you, what friends to have, etc., it is that this person seeks to control you to erase all or part of your personality. When one person loves another, he accepts it as it is, unconditionally.


We can and must make compromises in a couple, but in no way completely erase ourselves to leave the other all the place or let ourselves be shaped in his image. Your partner uses fear, guilt and manipulation to control you. This form of manipulation is reminiscent of gaslighting, this dangerous emotional abuse that must be avoided at all costs.

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#4 The hope that the other will change

Conversely, you are just as much in a destructive love relationship when you hope in vain that the other changes, that he understands your desires and your needs, that he makes “efforts”. Just the term effort skews your relationship. You don’t have to be the only member of the couple who adapts to the other.

If the other is not aware of the behavioral problems he has and if he does not want to become a better person, there is nothing you can do about it. It is often something unconscious at first, but combined with several other signs, you will quickly realize that you are not in a harmonious romantic relationship. You cannot make a relationship live for two, and you cannot change the other against your will.

#5 Emotional co-dependency and fear of abandonment

Even being aware that something is wrong with the relationship, some people cannot stop it because they are in need of the other. They prefer to suffer criticism, contempt or indifference from their partner. Everything, rather than being left, is not alone. Similarly, the other member feels strengthened because his partner depends on him. Here we enter the realm of emotional and emotional co-dependencywhere the fear of emotional loneliness is closely linked to the lack of self-confidence.


Do you feel like you don’t deserve better, or that you’re nothing without her/him? The fear of abandonment is often at the origin of these cases of emotional dependence. In the context of a destructive love, the problem is reinforced by this co-dependence maintained by the “strong” partner, often manipulative, who finds his account in this balance of power. This goes hand in hand with the need for constant monitoring.

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#6 A total lack of serenity

To live a destructive romantic relationship is to live permanently in the midst of tensions, where serenity has no place. Disputes and couple crises are repeated because you are not able to compromise and you lack respect and kindness towards each other. Your relationship is therefore a permanent fight, you do not feel safe, not serene, in a constant balance of power that does not allow you to move forward and have couple projects.

#7 A poor definition of love passion

Many people remain imprisoned in destructive love because they make the following mistake: they think that it is the power of love passion between them that leads to these excesses, they convince themselves that all this is normal. Crises of jealousy, quarrels, lies, deception, you live a permanent dramatic scenario and the worst thing is that you believe that really loving is that. That otherwise you will sink into routine and boredom.

Passionate love can indeed be destructive, because it is the projection of an idealized and fantasized love. And that reality can lead to disappointment. But the love passion either does not last, or turns into more serene love. At no time should being passionate be synonymous with suffering and destruction.


#8 A sense of duality: one of the signs of destructive love

There is a true duality when one experiences destructive love. On the one hand, we want to leave but on the other, we stay because we do not manage to take the step. And this ends up being felt on a daily basis. You are in a couple and you can not tell yourself that breaking up is the solution but at the same time, the moments in couple begin to weigh you down.

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When you are in a healthy relationship, you want to spend quality time with your partner. But, when you live a destructive love that you become aware of little by little, you look for excuses not to be with your spouse too often, especially with two. Without realizing it, you are thinking about getting out of this destructive relationship.

#9 Guilt at the thought of breaking up

Duality is strongly accompanied by a feeling of guilt, often proportional to the life span of your couple. Have you been with your partner for so long that you feel like leaving him would be cruel? Are you unhappy but you stay with her/him because you feel sad to make him/her undergo a breakup? Staying with someone for fear of their reactions, for fear of making them suffer is not a sufficient reason. A relationship where one of the partners forces or pretends is not good for the couple. It is a dishonest love that will end up destroying you both.

#10 Staying for “wrong reasons”

In terms of the bad reasons to stay in a relationship despite a destructive love, often come the next two. If you know that only these reasons motivate your decision to stay, it is because you are aware that your relationship is not healthy. The degree to call it destructive love depends on the other signs, but it is obvious that one cannot call one’s couple happy when the only things that motivate us to stay are our material comfort or our children.


Financial and material dependence

Many couples work well even when only one of the partners is working. But, it can become a trap for the person who does not earn money. Often, it stays because it does not really have a choice. She doesn’t know how to live alone or she doesn’t see how to build her life separately.

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Staying in a relationship because you think it’s better for children is a telling sign that your love is a destructive love, or at least one that no longer fills you. This kind of relationship cannot be healthy or happy.

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