Emotional dependence or love: What are the differences?

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Emotional dependence or love

Love is about giving and sharing, not about getting. In emotionally balanced people, to love is indeed to give AND to receive but in emotional dependents, their dependence pushes them to a mode of operation which consists in giving OR receiving. The difference between love and emotional dependence therefore seems to lie in a total imbalance within the couple, which generates tension and a lot of suffering.

Concretely, what differences can be observed between emotional dependence and love? How do you know what kind of relationship you’re going through?

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Emotional dependence or love: What are the differences?

This is a phrase often used but which is true, love with a capital A is not controlled. And we can add that il is not premeditated, is not calculated. True love is present from the moment one considers what is best for one’s partner, never trying to control or possess oneself, neither one nor the other.

The real challenge in love is this notion of balance and adjacent reciprocity. Indeed, if you focus on your need to be loved permanently, you will automatically adopt a controlling attitude that does not allow you to establish a healthy romantic relationship. Conversely, if you focus solely on loving the other at all costs, it is addiction that happens. In both cases, you find yourself in a situation of emotional dependence.

It may seem simplistic, but it is from the moment you choose to love yourself and others that you experience true love.

Where does emotional dependence come from?

Emotional dependence is a program that goes back to childhood and endures in your adult life: you run after the affection, recognition and protection that your parents did not feed you.

In a sentimental relationship, addiction sets in when one considers the other as the one’s only meaning of one’s life. Your only interest is the other, your only goal is the other.

If you are single, you are constantly looking for someone who can fill the void you are experiencing and until you find it, you feel unhappy and useless. Check out all the symptoms of emotional dependence to find out if you’re in it or not.

If you are in a relationship, you have the impression that you will be nothing without him/her, you constantly demand attention, you show an unbounded dedication to him/her even if it means completely forgetting you and denying your own values.

The dependent person turns completely to the other, to the detriment of himself. She also comes to rot the life of the one she loves because she seeks to be the only person who meets all her needs and can have a self-destructivebehavior. In fact, it seeks to save and to be saved.

The challenge is not to consider the other as the only answer to his needs. His happiness is your concern but vice versa your happiness is also his.

Emotional dependence or love: What are the differences?

Freedom, unlike bridle addiction, helps to love. It gives you the strength to keep your commitments, to choose with your reason, and not simply according to your emotions of the moment. It gives you emotional stability,

How do you know if you are in love or dependent?

Depending on whether one

In a relationship for the wrong reason

The impossibility of being alone, autonomous, independent is a first warning sign. You are not in a relationship because you love him deeply but not to be alone. You don’t know the difference between love and addiction. And nothing scares you more than a breakup. Besides, with each of your breakups, rather than thinking about the real reasons, what do you do? You get back together very quickly as a couple, because your fear of emotional loneliness is stronger than anything. In fact, you’d rather be poorly accompanied than alone…

Afraid of abandonment

This fear of emotional loneliness is indeed closely linked to the fear of abandonment. If it is likely that this fear has its source in your childhood, it is today, in your couple, that your fear of being abandoned takes on its full extent. In order not to separate, you tend to run away from conflict, accept everything, never make waves, even if you do not agree. You do not give your opinion: if it were discarded, you would feel rejected. And that, your emotional dependence can not bear it.

Forgets one another for the benefit of the other (Emotional dependence or love)

To be sure to keep your darling, you take care of her/him at all levels. Nothing is too good for her/him and all he or she says is gospel word. And you, in all this? you give up your desires, your projects, your dreams in favor of his own, who are so much better! Your feeling or complex of inferiority leads you to neglect your personality, you are according to you never up to the task.

Think that the other has our happiness in his hands

The opinion of the other becomes your only gauge of evaluation,his gaze your only mirror and his actions and gestures, your only line of conduct. As an emotional addict, you spontaneously make yourself responsible for what is wrong and you need the approval of the other for anything, sometimes leaves, in the most toxic relationships, to do, even if we do not want it, what the other asks us.

Is in the notion of perpetual need…

Emotional dependence in a couple is indeed the visceral need of the other, for everything, all the time.

that is:

• Need for his presence

You are emotionally dependent when the absence of the other plunges you into a state of lack, the manifestations of which can be physical: tight throat, stomach pains… You multiply calls, sms and you are waiting for a response from him.

• Need for the other to feel like they exist

In the absence of your spouse, you feel “in parentheses”.” You only have the feeling of being “alive” with him, the time spent without him is experienced as useless. You do not seek to keep busy, you sometimes even forget to eat, as if you were cut off from your feeling of hunger, but also from those of fatigue, desire . Your mind is like paused, waiting for it to return.

Emotional dependence or love: What are the differences?

Lovers-se if we.

Is happy!

The big difference between romantic relationship and emotional dependence relationship is that in the first, the presence and love of the other actually fills us. We do not need it to live but it fulfills us and adds added value in our lives, without us being fundamentally dependent on it. You are really happy when you are together. When you are really in love, you like to be with that person. When you’re emotionally dependent, you don’t always appreciate the time you spend together.

Knows how to live without the other

You are happy even when you are not together. You can also enjoy spending time alone, it is even important for your balance and you know how to manage the lack of the other without problems. It is even essential to find yourself better.

Has confidence in your relationship

You don’t keep asking yourself questions about your relationship. Trust in the couple has settled between you because your relationship is balanced and you move forward together at the same pace and in positive communication. Thus, the commitment in your life as a couple is made naturally and love opens you to the other.

Is truly oneself

You are not afraid of losing his approval when you say something or of a possible disagreement between you. When you are truly in love, you can speak freely without fear of the judgment of the other, you freely express your opinions and tastes without fear of displeasing. You remain yourself in all circumstances and this is how the other must love you.

Lives a healthy relationship

The most obvious difference between love and addiction is the quality of the relationship. Your partner treats you with all the love and respect you give him in return, without constraint or obligation. The healthy relationship began with envy and then love, not desperation to stay alone. A true romantic relationship brings more peace, comfort and happiness. Emotional dependence brings more fear, jealousy and worry. Love is loving your partner for what he is, not for the love he has for you.

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