How To Deal With Rejection In Love? In this way you maintain your dignity
If there is one thing that scares everyone, it is when you are rejected by your loved one.
Rejection in love can hurt you deeply and at the same time make you very vulnerable.
Rejection can be a traumatic experience, especially if you lack confidence. Especially since it seriously diminishes your identity. Especially when the rejection comes suddenly and unexpectedly.
Both men and women can be quite harsh and cold when they end the relationship.
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When you are rejected, a reaction like this often arises: you forget your personal dignity by winning back your loved one at all costs. You are then able to change your behavior in such a way that you can easily go beyond your own boundaries. You do this for fear of losing him or her.
After all, being rejected can really hurt a lot. It is therefore important that you learn to deal with that pain. How? by accepting it in the first place that it is there. By realizing that the reason for rejection does not have to be directly yours.
In this article, I’ll give you tips on how to deal with rejection. It is very important that you maintain your dignity at the same time. Prevent your ex from becoming an obsession with you. Why is that so important? Because otherwise you can no longer think clearly and rationally. Most people who have been rejected ask themselves the same questions all the time:
“Why did he / she leave me?
“Why doesn’t he / she want to go out with me anymore?” or
“Why doesn’t he / she want us to get back together? We never had a fight, did we?”
So what do you do when you are rejected. How do you react? How do you get rid of the grief? How can you maintain your self-esteem and keep thinking positively about yourself? Here’s the first tip
Dealing with rejection in love: the 3 most important tips
Tip 1: Respond calmly and in a controlled manner
When your partner tells you that he / she wants to end the relationship, don’t take it directly personally. The first thought that comes to mind is often ‘it’s me’.
That doesn’t have to be true at all. If you keep saying this to yourself you will keep yourself trapped. You get stuck in a certain thinking pattern because you hold on to certain beliefs that there can only be 1 possible reason. You firmly believe that it has to do with your own behavior.
So first of all avoid getting angry, because from emotion you can sometimes react weird and say things that you regret afterwards. For example, you can say things that are completely irrelevant, which means you run the risk of ending up in an impossible discussion.
Your ex will notice this immediately and say that you react out of frustration. It is not the intention that your ex takes over your frustration because you automatically send signals that you doubt yourself.
So try to keep your head above water at such a painful moment, keep your back straight when you hear him or her say ‘You and me, it will never be alright again’. Nod your head understandingly and say, ” I can imagine how hard it is for you to have to tell me that now. Have you been dealing with this for a long time?”
How a hungry fox can teach you how to deal with rejection
Are you familiar with Aesop’s fable ‘the hungry fox’?
the fox and the grapes
The story goes like this:.
A fox wants to eat grapes hanging from a vine. They look very tasty. The fox tries to get to the bunch of grapes and stands up on its hind legs. He notices that they are hanging too high, so he leaves as if he doesn’t care and says to himself, “ I thought those grapes were ripe, but now I see they are still too sour. ” Hint: get smart are like the fox and be the hero yourself when rejected
What can we learn from this?
Well, it’s the fox easier for its opinion on the grapes adapt to , the role of the loser choose.
Think of it as a process that goes like this:
- the fox is hungry for grapes
- he thinks he is good at reaching grapes
- he is persistent
- he notices that he cannot reach the grapes
- he motivates himself by giving a good reason or logical explanation for it
The fox knows that he doesn’t have to lose his self-esteem … To keep points 2 and 3, the part of his positive self-image, going, he softens points 4 and 5. He does that by declaring the grapes sour: they were worth it not worth it, otherwise he would have made a real effort and got hold of them.
Hint: make sure you are as smart as the fox!
Don’t make your ex feel even worse
There’s another reason why, after you’ve been rejected, you should appear controlled and understanding: you’re not the only one having a hard time!
Remember that it is definitely not easy for your ex to tell you the bad news. Your ex may also feel very bad because it is possible that your ex feels that ending the relationship is contrary to his / her beliefs. When you subsequently react negatively to this, there is a chance that your ex will create negative feelings towards you that are actually based on nothing.
Tavris and Aronson quote a character from a novel by Tolstoy who, when asked, “Why do you hate him so much?” answers:
“I made a fool of him, and I’ve grown to hate him ever since.”
When we do something bad, or that we think is bad because it doesn’t line up with our moral beliefs, we start to feel bad. We prefer not to admit that we are capable of bad things. We prefer to justify ourselves by designating the one who suffers from our actions as the perpetrator.
How To Deal With Rejection In Love?
Tip 2: Take your ex off his / her pedestal
Of course, you have every reason to feel sad when your partner rejects you when you ask him or her to try again. it can get so bad that your ex becomes an obsession with you!
However, you will do well to stand on your own two feet first. Learn to live without your ex, understand that you don’t need him or her to feel happy. When you have learned to overcome your emotional dependence, you will experience that a totally new relationship is certainly possible.
I will come back to what I described earlier here: doing that which goes against the expectations of your ex or partner.
Your ex expects that after the rejection you will do everything you can to win him or her back, that you show how unbelievably sad you are. However, if you show that you can hold out despite this rejection, you will cause confusion.
Confusion will make your ex wonder why you react that way, which is of course exactly the intention!
When you create confusion, you will automatically see your ex’s behavior change. Especially if you do this through both your verbal and non-verbal behavior. Of course that does not happen overnight. It will take you a while to get there.
dealing with rejection
Tip 3: Respect your ex and don’t just break into his / her life
You have probably already read about the importance of radio silence after the break . It is therefore important that you take note of this first. So don’t read any further if you haven’t read that article yet.
We all tend to seek the attention of an ex when we have been rejected. Especially when you have so many questions to which you would prefer an immediate answer. Of course you would prefer to speak to your ex ‘live’, to hear his or her voice that you will receive an answer to your questions via email.
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Unfortunately, I will have to disappoint you because ex partners have no answer at all to such questions in 99% of the cases. The ending of a relationship already brings so many emotions and confusion. Your ex often cannot comprehend rationally why he or she wants to end the relationship.
It is therefore important that you give your ex the rest to be able to see everything clearly again. You also desperately need that rest! Moreover, if your ex does contact you again, don’t get old cows out of the ditch!
The intention is that you show your ex that you see things in a completely different perspective. A letter or email is still better for a first contact because it affects the life of your ex the least.
The burning question that remains: Why was I rejected and how do I deal with this?
But I understand that despite everything you still have questions you would like to ask your ex. Questions like ‘but why is my ex rejecting me? What have I done wrong? ‘
There are, of course, many possible reasons, and it is going too far to list them all here.
The French sociologist François de Singly lists the 3 main reasons why rejection occurs in a love affair.
He says: ‘it is mainly the demanding woman of today with her desire for autonomy, who puts an end to the relationship’.
According to Singly, more women than men end the relationship.
Singly cites as reasons:
- the marriage is no longer satisfactory if expectations are not fulfilled. Often those expectations are only aimed at the partner
- routine life is disappointing
- the woman wants to feel recognized more than ever; she expects her partner to contribute to the formation of her personal identity.
The woman often wants a divorce when the relationship is not compatible with her professional development.
After reading this article, do you want to read more about how to react best after being rejected? Then read this article: My ex rejects me – 5 tips for dealing with it