How to keep the passion in a couple?
One of the most beautiful and interesting reflections on love that I have ever read! How to keep the passion in a couple? This is a very big question that deserves to be considered!
Since the dawn of time, we sublimate passion, we pour out the strength and confusion of feelings and we ask ourselves the same eternal questions: how to reconcile tenderness and passion? How to keep the excitement, the enjoyment, the pleasure, the sublimation in a relationship that settles in the long term? Between complicity and the burning desire of the other, there are so many nuances…
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How to keep the passion in a couple?
Combining intensity and couple life
How to combine intensity and long-term couple life?
Our love life can potentially be a succession of thunderbolts and dizzying falls. Is it a question of repeating endlessly the pattern: “I discover you, I desire you, I know you, I get tired of you and I leave”? Or we try another way: “What if we discovered ourselves again and again”. Going from the ‘I’ to the ‘we’, from the ‘we’ to the ‘I’, these round trips to constantly reinvent ourselves. I like the idea that nothing is set in stone. I need to feel that all options remain open to live a real choice and not a situation where habits dominate. ( How to keep the passion in a couple )
What maintains the strength of feelings in my opinion is not to live with blinders in relation to the outside world, it is on the contrary to remain curious, to cultivate other emotional ties – why not “romantic friendships”! – to feed his personal interests and passions, to keep our garden secret. It is by being confronted with others that you can realize what is unique to you, right?!
The secret garden. ( How to keep the passion in a couple )
This is the most subtle thing that is in our busy lives, this gap, this preserved space, this ‘territory’ that belongs only to you, that sometimes even hides from yourself, that you think you hold and that in reality also escapes you. Poetry and music have opened the doors of this garden to me, have made me glimpse what is hidden between the lines, between the thoughts, between the words, which is of the order of the imagination and the lived at the same time.
I chose here these verses by Robert Desnos that resonated with me when I was a teenager:
« If you knew how I love you and, although you don’t love me, how joyful I am, how robust and proud I am to come out with your image in mind, to get out of the universe.
How joyful I am to die from it.
If you knew how the world is subject to me.
And you, beautiful insubordinate too, as you are my prisoner.
O you, far from me, to whom I am subject.
If you knew. » How to keep the passion in a couple
Don’t forget yourself totally
“If you knew… Precisely, the other does not know certain things and may never know them, any more than ourselves, we do not ‘know’ everything, toy that we are often of our insconscious, our fantasies and our dreams. Love is the greatest space of freedom that there is and does not accommodate any sense of possession. Our feelings are all in nuances, we pass successively through the different degrees between ardor and coldness, the desire to get closer and that of moving away.
We desire, subluse the other, and run away from him at the same time. If the person we love knew… But she too would surprise us by revealing her secret garden! It is all the salt of a love story, we can live together for years and yet preserve a part of the unknown, it is anyway impossible to ‘reveal’ yourself completely!
In all my love relationships, I oscillate between two extremes: ( How to keep the passion in a couple )
the desire to be totally present to the other, while listening and sharing, and the need to remain anchored in me. Can we really ‘dive’ whole into a relationship, forget ourselves completely? It seems to me that we always keep a foot on our own territory, that this is how we can best like, by being in our own alignment.
I don’t see how we can love others if we don’t love ourselves and at the same time I don’t see how we can love others without putting ourselves in their place and therefore forgetting ourselves… Love is an incessant movement between oneself and others, we are constantly inter-connected, whether we like it or not… The secret to feeling good together? Without a doubt in my opinion it is to feel first in good company with oneself!
I often wondered if I was made to live as a couple.
I do not conceive of life without sharing, and at the same time I like to be alone. Loneliness does not weigh me down because I feel constantly accompanied by those I love. This is probably why I appreciate so much to be regularly in front of myself, it allows me to find my serenity. Oh, I dare say it, I have a visceral need to have a regular royal peace! I need calm in myself and around me, maybe it’s because I’ve experienced a lot of storms! But if living together is sometimes… difficult…! Living without my man seems impossible to me!
Inevitably, certain moments of everyday life tarnish the lives of two. How many times have I told myself that it would have been better for me to manage certain situations alone than to impose my moods, my moods and my anxiety on the one who shares my life. And at the same time what could be more awesome than to vibrate in unison?!
Living together ( How to keep the passion in a couple )
To live together is to constantly confront oneself. I think that the life of a couple can allow you to become fully self. To live together is to meet otherness, that of our partner obviously, but also our own part of the unknown. We are also ‘other’ and our companion is often the best channel to discover our different facets. It is very tempting to escape from all eyes, but to be alone is also to face our own judgment which can sometimes be much more difficult to live with than that of the other…
The tensions and conflicts are so revealing, they highlight our grey areas so well. Either we deny them or we look them in the face. We should even be able to rejoice in living a conflict together because it provides an opportunity to put an end to chronic behavior or dissatisfaction. What an evolution when a confrontation, instead of putting us in a murderous mood, gives us a smile!
Let’s abandon the lingo that the life of a couple must always be thrilling, without however falling into a relationship that no longer has any flavor!
We simplify our lives a lot when we stop having excessive expectations, when we stop making all kinds of fantasies weigh on our couple. How many of my friends have gone astray hoping that their love duo can fill all their gaps. My generation has experienced disillusionment, painful separations, families that have been reconstituted many times. ( How to keep the passion in a couple )
I have the feeling today that everyone is seeking to live a constantly renewed commitment, which is based on more benevolence, first of all towards themselves.
Does living as a couple mean leaving the territory of passion?
I believe that if a couple lasts, it is thanks to an ‘exciting’ start. Though… the beginnings of a story are not necessarily the best moments! We turn around, we watch, we worry, we do not dare to be totally ourselves … By knowing each other more, we stop the game of appearances, we leave superficiality, we go beyond seduction, there is no more calculation, just the desire to cherish one’s relationship to the other, we can then experience the deep joy of living together.
The more time passes, the more things we have shared together, the more there is a connection – almost supernatural – between two beings, this impression of being connected in any place and anytime, the fact also that you already know in advance what the other will say or do. This is also what makes some couples get tired of their relationship because everything seems too predictable, unless… precisely a process of evolution occurs from the very fact of being in a couple.
A love story is like a conversation that goes on indefinitely. ( How to keep the passion in a couple )
Hence the importance of having sufficient common interests. But also to have enough differences to fuel the discussion! It is a subtle mix between convergence and divergence, a balance between what connects us and what differentiates us. With my lover, we represent an almost perfect model of complementarity! We each have a personality that both “marries” that of the other and complements it.
We bring to each other what everyone lacks. It’s not about merging into each other, as a fusion couple would – which is a thousand miles away from our relationship! – but to form together a more complete personality. We sometimes clash with each other, hence the need to round off the corners, but far from me the idea that it is necessary to erase the “rough edges” and the reliefs of a relationship, two people who agree perfectly would end up forming only one, let’s assume instead to be two well differentiated beings!
Accept the other as it is ( How to keep the passion in a couple )
Life with others begins with life with only one other… Advocating the great values of solidarity, tolerance and equality when we are not able to reach an agreement between two people is contradictory! It seems to me that so many things are played out in our intimate sphere: if I consider my partner as totally separated from me, if I constantly seek to differentiate myself from what he is, what he thinks or does, if I feel that I have to ‘fight’ the other to exist, this is the royal way for a breakup…
However, from breakup to breakup, we find that living with anyone, even a beloved sister or brother, even his best friend or a complete stranger, we always come to the same question: how to accept the other as he is, accept the ‘defects’ of his qualities. If we sink into the relationship, if we become in solidarity with each other, if we consider that “one is the other”, what a good basis for all our relations! For our relationship to the whole world!
With my lover, I no longer thought in terms of “it must stop!” when we encountered a difficulty but “how to manage it? »
When we feel that our relationship is right, that it is beautiful because obvious, touching because vibrant, and that despite the moments of big anger or disappointment, there is enough spring in the depths of us to bounce back together, then we can completely let ourselves go in a relationship and it’s really good! In our life as a couple, there have been delicate steps to overcome. ( How to keep the passion in a couple )
There was the stage where I was too child and suddenly my companion too parent vis-à-vis me . How many couples where one needs too much of the other, where one relies too much on the other, where one ends up being dominated by the other. There was the stage of ‘real’ dialogue, of frank and open communication, a sacred stage that one!
And finally there is the stage where we stop getting upset about things that are not essential, we are still there!
How to find the right balance between the desire for it to work – even when it is very painful on certain days! – and the need to remain oneself, to feel respected, also adored from time to time?! It seems to me that the answer is the middle way: independence without falling into indifference,ties that unite us without suffocating us, the vision of a bright future without the fear of the transient clouds. Go from “every man for himself” to “together for us”!
The couple is the permanent test of self-esteem, because we allow ourselves to say things to each other that we would not say to anyone else! ( How to keep the passion in a couple )
Living as a couple has allowed me to overcome pride and misplaced pride,to no longer be destabilized at the slightest reproach – to the point that I can even add a layer! It taught me to listen to the other while making myself heard. When we know what we are worth, when we feel solid inwardly, the relationship strengthens our personality.
Recognize the qualities of the person with whom you share your life, without feeling devalued – or annoyed! – not to have them, to be able not to systematically judge the other, not to point out each of its contradictions, inconsistencies, pettiness – being aware that we have just as many … – is to go beyond the ego, and well, just for that, it is worth trying the adventure, right?
And the desire in all this? “The more I see you, the more I want you”? It’s so good to ‘lover’… to groove together, on Slow Dance by John Legend for example! Ah that sacred John!
” Forget about the World “
” Im groovin with my girl “
Forget about the news
Lets put on our dancing shoes
Lets not talk about the war
Do we know what they fighting for
I propose that we go to the floor and we slow dance! ( How to keep the passion in a couple )
How we need to reassure ourselves about our ability to seduce and please!
We are often more interested in the effect we make on the other than on the other itself… Stendhal distinguished between love-passion, physical love and love of vanity… It is true that we often confuse self-esteem and love… I would add “spiritual love” because sensuality, the communion of bodies, does not exclude the communion of the soul and spirit that is so dear to me…
We inevitably go through moments of floating, periods of questioning.
It’s not an ascent straight, you can feel more vulnerable at times. I believe that as long as the couple feeds – more than they destroy themselves – on the difficulties they are going through, it remains a magnificent adventure. The danger does not come from disagreements, but from the reaction we adopt to them: rather than denying them, it is a question of living them fully, of managing them, of overcoming them.
“For better or for worse”? “You have me, I run away from you, I follow you, you run away from me”? My personal translation is “for the best, I follow you, and for the worse, I run away from you”! That the life of a couple is not always funky, I can live with this idea but if it is only a succession of moments more painful than the others, courage, let’s run away, because yes it takes courage to cut the links with the person with whom we have projected ourselves in the future. Live every day a Greek tragedy, no thank you! I have so many friends who have ‘rebuilt’ their lives and to whom it has been so successful!
George Sand wrote these words to Musset who repeated them in “On ne badine pas avec l’amour”: ( How to keep the passion in a couple )
«… but there is in the world a holy and sublime thing, it is the union of two of these beings so imperfect and so awful. One is often deceived into love, often hurt and often unhappy; but we love, and when we are on the edge of our grave, we turn around to look back and we say to ourselves: I have suffered often, I have sometimes been wrong, but I have loved.
I was the one who lived, not a fake being created by my pride and boredom.” I would add: “I loved a being who was not fake either… »
Dear reader, remains authentic, stay true to yourself! If you evolve, and this is the purpose of our passage on earth, assume this evolution, marry it completely, do not leave ‘pieces’ of you on the side. Dear couples, do not tame yourself too much, also keep your “wild” side for one another! And “make love”, in many different ways!
Ah l’amouuur, the ultimate quest of all life, as Jacques Brel sang…
Love to the point of tearing
Love, even too much, even badly,
Attempt, without strength and without armor,
To reach the inaccessible star! ( How to keep the passion in a couple )
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