I hate my in-laws
I hate my in-laws: what to do? Laura
I am writing to you because I hate my beautiful family and I do not know what to do to support them. It’s been 5 years that I’m in a relationship with my darling, I love him more than anything but his family I just can’t. I hate his father who belittles us all the time: last example to date, at a family meal he says: “Anyway, Clement and Laura given your level of study you can not complain about your salaries” And hurtful and humiliating remarks, it’s every time!!
hate his mother who has no regard for me. (I hate my in-laws)
We recently told them that we were going to get married and she finds that it is “hasty” after 5 years of living together… She is a hypocrite, always smiling in front of me but who does not miss one to break me. For example, the other day we were at the tata of my darling (finally a person of his family that I appreciate!), she confessed to us that my mother-in-law could not stand my piercing (it is a piercing Snug in the ear !!), that I was vulgar … Obviously it always hurts to hear this even if I should have been used to it for 5 years!
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With my brother-in-law and sister-in-law it’s cordial, But very cold.
I don’t know what I did to them. Inevitably, over the years I have come to hate them. I made efforts at the beginning (gifts, flowers, cakes…). But here I let go of the case. My guy also resents them but dares not tell them anything.
I hate my in-laws and they hate me too… However, basically I would like things to change but what to do??
I hate my in-laws: Aleks’ answer
Family relationships are always complex, and relationships in another family are all the more so.
I will try to help you in this reflection.
What obviously emerges from your testimony is that you are trying to understand the problem and have the desire to find solutions.
Your couple (I hate my in-laws)
You describe your life together as a stable and intense relationship. And that’s the bottom line.
You have made the choice to know each other, to live together, and soon to unite.
It is essential that your duo is as complicit and serene as possible.
From this impenetrable bubble, will bring confidence, respect and recognition. You choose your other person, but not your family.
To understand the issues that are played out in your beautiful family, it is important to target the relationships that are played out.
Your partner and his parents, his brothers and sisters, you and his parents.
From this information, you will see if mothering, ambivalence or jealousy lead into conversations.
It is also interesting to note the delicate subjects, and the moments that come close to them. (I hate my in-laws)
For example: The Christmas meal, which sometimes brings together a lot of members, can be more delicate than the Sunday lunch, because of the connotation of gifts or old stories that day.
What is worth noting is that you get along well with some family members, and this is very interesting, not everyone is against you.
Parents are often tricky.
They give birth to a baby, they imagine the future of their child, they have hopes, dreams.
And between the imagined child and the real child, the reality is very different.
It is also necessary that everyone advances in his time, and realizes that the child is an adult, builds his life, meets a partner, and wants to move forward in life.
I Hate My In-Laws: Conflict
In this child/parent relationship, you have to find your own place. The foreigner who integrated a union already sealed, the stakes already put in place, and all the common past.
It is important to keep your unity, your values, your self-confidence, and to remain serene.
You know who you are, better than anyone, you know what your couple is worth.
Don’t let others make you hesitate or impress you.
Better yet, show them that despite their reflections, your couple is all the more complicit and greater.
Don’t let them reach you.
Keep a certain distance, speak, but do not monopolize the word; don’t be silent.
Also know how to bounce back, and tell them, kindly, politely, that their words are disproportionate, hurtful or inaccurate
If the place, or date, is tricky, then change habits.
They are used to receiving you at their house on Sundays? Tell them that you prefer to receive them yourself, on a Saturday night.
Take a stand and power in the relationship. (I hate my in-laws)
Family issues are not relationships of domination, they are moments of sharing and exchange. If not, tell them. Talk about your emotions, your expectations.
Family mediators can also help you in this process if it is your
Do not ask him to take part, it would put him in a very uncomfortable position. However, a little moral help or support is important. Discussion is essential.
He has a history with his parents, stakes in their
relationships. We have to look at what is at stake.
For example, if her mother covered her a lot, she may never be satisfied with the answer that another woman might
It must not be pushed around in this principle. But you should not let her continue this relationship because she excludes you entirely.
I hate my in-laws: My advice
What I propose is to start from scratch. Act as if you don’t know anyone, go back to the initial observation, try to see who does what, and how each other’s behavior influences the other, and what relationships are put in place.
Try to take them back on the person you are.
Take a step back to others, offering your help with the service, or talking with a family member.
If thoughts or conflicts, politely ask them for a simple explanation about their rejection, or aggressiveness.
If nothing really calms down, remain a conciliator, but they should be in the same process as you, that is to say, wanting to improve the situation.
If nothing is resolved, remain neutral, and avoid discord. Shorten your visits, even if it means not going there if necessary.
Negativity, wickedness do not move forward.
If everything is only suffering, and everything has been tried it is not a failure, you will have tried, but to change, in this situation, it takes two in the dialogue.
I wish you courage in this situation, it may be a long, complex and fraught with pitfalls, but if you manage to improve your discussions even a little, then you will have gained in comfort of life, and you will have imposed yourself as an individual, and that is all the harm that I wish you.
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