“I love him but I doubt”
“I love him but I doubt” Question from Anaïs
I’m crazy in love with my boyfriend, but I doubt
I have decided to write to you this evening.
I am 18 years old and I have a boyfriend for 3 months now, we love each other, we tell each other, we have a good time together, we laugh, we have common points and I am really happy with him you have to know that he is my first, I have never had anyone before him.
For the need of my story I must tell you that I practice horseback riding for 15 years I met some great people during these years that I lost sight of 8 years ago and two weeks ago I found some including a boy, rather a man, he is 26 years old and you should know that I was in love with him when I was little but hey I was only 10 years old.
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In short we saw each other again at the equestrian center in a group at the beginning, then last week we went there that both because a friend who had to accompany us fell ill, we went horse quietly and leaving he waited for my bus with me, once I left he sent me a message saying that he really liked to spend time with me and that as soon as he saw me he wanted to hug me hard as when I sat on his lap when he came home (he knows very well my parents and my parents had asked him to come to dinner to see each other again after 8 years without news) I could not see anything bad , my god he is 28 years old! He tells me that I am beautiful and very physically attractive, we talk more and more every night and strangely I think I appreciate.
I told my boyfriend about it and he was offended and I understand it. I find this situation very strange especially because I like to talk with this boy who is for me I specify a simple friend. Every time I send him messages I feel guilty and I do not know why, I ask myself too many questions, my head will explode, I do not know what to do and I do not want to hurt my friend and especially not lose my boyfriend. Help me I am a lost young woman.
What exactly do you doubt? Your love for your current friend or your attraction to the man you found? Because, when I read your message, I just say to myself: she has been in a relationship for three months, everything is going well, she has found an old friend who is dredging her. She appreciates it but wants nothing more.
Let’s try to analyze your situation more closely. ( “I love him but I doubt” )
You have been discovering love for three months, this is your first relationship and you seem delighted. You can read my article on first love by the way. You have found a former friend of yours, who is still much older and whom you “fell in love” with in your youth. First of all, I want to tell you: be careful! He is 26 years old, he has hormones boiling because he does not have a girlfriend and he certainly says to himself “that an 18-year-old girl” will not resist him.
Perhaps I am wrong, and I hope so, but we must be careful in these situations. You sit on his lap as you would with an older brother but he is a man who also tries to seduce you openly: a small innocuous gesture can become for him a source of fantasies. Take physical distance if you don’t want him to imagine things.
Despite everything, you say that you like this situation: when you talk to each other in the evening… Indeed, it is always flattering to feel seductive and to see that an older man is interested in you. I think that you only feel friendship for him but that you reveled in this scheme because, in a way, you find your account: you keep the attraction alive with this man and you enjoy your boyfriend that you love. But, he may indeed find it more and more strange and take badly the ambiguous relationship that you live.
You told your boyfriend about it ( “I love him but I doubt” )
Did you tell him about it because you felt guilty about something and needed to tell him or you told him about it because you were just happy to have found an “old friend” and wanted to share the good news with him? Because it’s very different.
In the first case, you would have confessed it to him as if to get rid of a weight that you could no longer manage alone. In the second, it is justa sharing.
I think the first reason is the right one. Even if you have not done anything wrong, you realize what is happening: that this guy tries to seduce you (he still tells you that he finds you very beautiful, that he wants to squeeze you against him …), and that finally, you do not really push him back. Another question: do you really want to push it back? Or you too would like to snuggle up against him? And if you huddled against him, would it be out of attraction or as a little hug that you can do with a good friend for whom you feel absolutely nothing?
You feel guilty
Why feel guilty if you only see this man as a friend? Do you feel guilty towards your boyfriend because you enjoy the exchanges with this guy or you feel guilty about making this guy hope that he could have his chances with you?
You have done nothing wrong, you just have to have no ambiguities if you are sure of your love for your current friend and you do not want anything more with the other.
What is to be done? ( “I love him but I doubt” )
1: You take a step back from the situation and answer this question: What do I expect from this man? Do I want to continue exchanging with him in the evening, do I want to keep him as a friend but let him know that nothing will ever happen between us?
2: You tell him things clearly. Like: “I really appreciate you a lot, we get along very well but sometimes I feel like you’re dredging me a little and it bothers me”.
3: You stop feeling guilty when you are not doing anything wrong (it is quite normal to imagine things sometimes, to want but not to take the step, it is called temptation. And it often doesn’t lead to anything in truth).
Ask yourself already all the questions indicated in this article, maybe you will have trouble answering them for some but you will see more clearly. I’m waiting for your return so I can help you more deeply if you still have questions