Jealousy in love: Why it is dangerous and unhealthy

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Jealousy in love is the desire to possess the loved one, which generates the fear of losing him to a rival. So we can think that jealousy is a proof of love, because it shows that the other is important to us. This can reassure the ego. In fact, in small doses jealousy is rather positive, because it allows to be able to be on alert of a possible danger, that of losing a loved one.

However, jealousy can quickly create an anxiety-provoking climate for the couple if it is not controlled. Here I explain why jealousy in love is dangerous and unhealthy.

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Jealousy in love is synonymous with fear and insecurity

No one is proud to be jealous. It is a feeling that is difficult to assume,of which we are ashamed most of the time. Moreover, we often speak of “attacks of jealousy”, as if it were a psychological disease.

In addition, jealousy is an emotion that originates from fear. When you are jealous, you are not serene, and you do not feel safe in your relationship, because you anticipate the worst. We become anxious, angry; and it can turn into an obsession and take up a lot of space in everyday life.

Jealousy in love shows a lack of confidence

In the other

If you are afraid that the other will deceive you or leave you for someone else, it is because you do not trust them. You don’t feel safe by his side, and you can’t trust him.

The lack of self-confidence in the couple can be such that we will misinterpret their actions, we will monitor their calls, look at their phone when he/she is in the shower etc., because we are somehow convinced that he/she is hiding something from us, even if he/she assures us that this is not the case.

The problem? Without confidence, a couple can hardly stay together.

Because as Christine, Queen of Sweden of the 17th, said.^Th century: “Love gives rise to jealousy, but jealousy makes love die”

in itself

Jealousy also shows a lack of self-confidence. If you are afraid that he/she will cheat on you or leave you for someone else, it is because unconsciously you think you are not good enough for him/her. You think you don’t deserve it.

Jealousy is ultimately a devaluation of oneself. Because when you have confidence in yourself on the other hand, you don’t have to be afraid that the other will leave. Indeed, if he decides to leave, it is because he has not been able to capture our value, and in this case we do not want him in our life, because we know what we are worth.

Jealousy in love goes against freedom

As I said above, jealousy is the desire to own the other, to reduce it to a property, a property owned. So the loved one is little valued, because he is locked in a relationship of belonging where he does not feel free.

Someone jealous will often be in control. He will want to know who you are going out with and will ask you not to return too late, or to keep him informed regularly. It may require you not to wear that pretty short skirt that showcases you.

If we dig a little the psychological side of the phenomenon, jealousy is the refusal to demerge with the other. This would come from childhood, when the child understands that he no longer merges with his mother, because she moves away to let him become independent, or when a little brother or sister arrives.

These passages of life that may seem innocuous are sometimes experienced as extreme suffering by some children. Hence the fear in adulthood of reliving this defusion, of losing the loved one forever.

Jealousy can lead to toxic behavior (Jealousy in love)

There are different levels of jealousy. And when this feeling goes beyond a certain limit and becomes an obsession, even paranoia, it is what is called sickly jealousy, which is of the order of pathology.

Freud even hypothesized that to be jealous is also to flee one’s own desire for infidelity. Indeed, one would project on his partner his own desire to go elsewhere. “If I feel this desire, he/she must feel it too.”

So the jealous would repress his own desires out of guilt, and instead attribute them to his partner. nice! This is what the psychoanalyst calls “projection jealousy”.

To finish with the toxic side of jealousy, we can not count the number of crimes that originate from this feeling! Just watch the news reports on television… We realize that jealousy can create a real desire for passionate revenge.

So we know that this feeling, when it is poorly controlled, can destroy a couple, a friendship, a family etc. Hence the importance of learning to tame this emotion if we undergo it on a daily basis and suffer from it, so that it takes up less space.

Conclusion: jealousy in love

Jealousy in love is ok in small doses and when you know how to control this emotion. The most important thing in the end is to maintain a balance, so that it does not become an obsession. Because otherwise jealousy can easily destroy a relationship that could have worked.

So remember that to love in a healthy way is to want the happiness of the other above all, even if it must imply that one is not part of one’s life. To love is to give him his freedom

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