Micro cheating: a new form of infidelity?

Micro cheating and infidelity

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For several years, the “lexicon of romantic relationships” has been enriched with new Anglicism. After the infamous ghosting, came submarining or bread crumbing (sowing crumbs to better keep the other under the elbow). Today, we are talking about micro-cheating, which could be translated as micro-deception or micro-cheating. Is it micro-infidelity? Although recent, this term refers to a concept that is far from new, that of emotional infidelity. What exactly characterizes it? Micro-cheating: a new form of infidelity? Ambiguity? Of lying in the couple?

Micro-cheating: a new form of infidelity?

Micro-cheating: what exactly is it?

Cheating in English means to deceive. The person who practices micro-cheating is therefore, literally, a micro-infidel. But what exactly does this mean?

Micro-cheating refers to an interest in someone other than their “official” partner. It is a person who is emotionally and/or physically focused on someone outside of their relationship. And this “micro-relationship” develops, often virtually, at least at first, to end up looking like a flirtation.

Exchange of messages written on social networks, instant messengers or SMS, sending emails, or if it is live, exchange of glances, smiles, jokes, confidences and innuendo.

Without going beyond the border of physical infidelity, micro-cheating is therefore nothing more and nothing less than a very marked form of emotional infidelity.

This form of infidelity, often 2.0, is the scourge of couples of the 21^E century.

What are the signs of micro-cheating?

What characterizes above all micro-cheating is the notion of secret. Concealment, silence, small lies and false truths… We are not just talking about cultivating our secret garden – which is quite normal – but about arriving at such a degree of complicity, ambiguity and even intimacy with someone other than the one who shares our life, that we therefore come to be experts in the art of concealment. We hide this person, this relationship, this part of his life. Because we know that there is something abnormal about maintaining such a level of familiarity with a third person.

Beyond the fact that we all have the right to a secret garden and that we are not required to tell everything to his/her partner, the questions to ask ourselves are the following:

• Why do I choose to hide from him?
• What am I looking for in this relationship?
• Would I accept my partner doing the same?

We speak of “hidden flirtation” from the moment when the person is secretly in contact with someone, on social networks, at work, at sport and that they communicate secretly and very regularly together.

Concretely, a person who practices micro-cheating will:

• Share “private jokes” and confidences on social networks
• Send messages regularly
• Minimizing the seriousness of her romantic relationship
• Sometimes say she’s single
• Enter a person’s name under a fake name in their phone
• Develop a real connection with someone else (if concrete meeting in sport, work, evening …)
• Do not tell your partner/spouse anything

Why practice this micro-infidelity?

Micro-cheating, we do not necessarily look for it, it is not premeditated. It can be a chance meeting in the evening or an exchange that becomes too private on a social network. But if there is not necessarily premeditation, there is on the other hand very quickly a form of dependence on this epistolary exchange or on these discussions at work on break for example. The person who arouses this interest becomes central in your life, he obsesses you so much that you develop an emotional and almost physical addiction to this link without even realizing it.

If we give in to micro-cheating, it is out of need or desire – at your choice – to be loved, reassured about the fact of pleasing, having fun, shivering, testing or testing the health of your couple.

While there may be a good reason behind it, it does not take anything away from the guilt of practicing such a thing if it is not in line with the values of one’s couple.

Is this deceiving?

It’s emotional infidelity,no doubt about it. Now, does this mean that you are deceiving your spouse by doing so? And is this practice dangerous for your couple?

There is no right answer. What for? Because it all depends on what you put in the micro-cheating and the intention that goes with it. Some people flirt for the simple pleasure of seducing or the need to reassure and do not go further. For others, a real questioning of their relationship and their feelings follows. And here it is panic: what was initially a simple game of glances is transformed into a desire to know oneself, to deepen and sometimes – often – to pass from emotional infidelity to physical infidelity – to kiss – then carnal – to make love.

So it’s a question of dosage and measurement, and it’s very personal: where do I feel on the scale of infidelity? Do I just want to have fun or am I questioning my relationship? It all depends on the intention you put into it. It is therefore up to you to gauge whether “micro-cheating” is associated with infidelity.

However, if this trend becomes a secretive habit in the long run, your behavior surely hides a bigger problem within your couple.

Each couple has its own limits and its vision of fidelity and infidelity.

A few likes on Facebook are not very dangerous, but finally, what limits have you established within your couple? It is based on this reality that you will be able to position yourself honestly in relation to your behavior.

Micro-cheating can be a slippery slope, so in order not to cross the red line and go from micro-deception to outright infidelity, have the honesty to ask yourself the right questions.

It all depends on each couple, its values. Hence the usefulness of communicating at the beginning of the relationship to know how everyone is on the issue of trust, fidelity and commitment made together.

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