Worthy of being your mistress and unworthy of being your wife?

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mistress and unworthy of being your wife

In life, we make encounters that sometimes only touch us and others that, on the contrary, upset us. This is something that is necessary for us because we cannot predict in advance the bond that will be created with another person, the degree of affinity and complicity. It is the “game” of human relations, it is inexplicable. In this respect, I think that we are all equal and that we have all experienced each of these situations at least once. Where things become less obvious is when the link is there, that it seems reciprocal but that in the end an imbalance is created and defines the relationship. 

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Why do some people let someone into their lives, suggesting the existence and sharing of real feelings, of this reciprocity, when in the end it is not, that they can not make a real place for him, because this place is already taken? Why not stop, not confess, not leave? As we know, it is out of interest, out of selfishness, out of cowardice.

There are many reasons, all bad and unhealthy, for a man to use a woman’s feelings about him to keep her in his life, but in his own way. And usually this is limited to the very private sphere; in bed, intimacy. We can all find ourselves during our existence, for a man, the woman of one or more of his nights, more rarely of his life. Could we have seen it, predicted it? Worthy of being your mistress, unworthy of being your wife. Are there women for the night and women for life?

The common game of adultery and double life (mistress and unworthy of being your wife)

In sentimental relationships, there is the whole palette of light and ephemeral relationships, assumed or not, adventures as they are often called, and then there is the case, so frequent, of adultery, of double life.

We believe that we live something exceptional, magical, even unique, while most of the time the scenarios of this kind of stories are sadly similar, the course similar. The story of a free woman, single, and a married man, or at least in a couple, who meet by chance or not, at least out of envy, and who start a relationship.

Carnal, physical, intimate. That is often how it starts.

Then it is accompanied by this familiarity that is created, this bond that seems to be anchored, feelings that are born and are just waiting to blossom in the heart of this woman who has already gone too far in the games of love.

Did she know where she was setting foot, did she know the danger to her heart, her soul?

Maybe he was honest from the outset, maybe after the first night or the next ones, maybe even later. (mistress and unworthy of being your wife)

Perhaps he told her that it was no longer okay with his wife, that he wanted to leave her, that it was a matter of time, of weeks only.

Perhaps, on the contrary, he told her that he no longer loved her as he used to but that he could not leave because of the children, highlighting his responsibility as a father, his fear of losing his family.

Maybe it’s a mix of all of that. Of frankness and lies, of cowardice and false assumption of responsibility, of selfishness and impossible love. (mistress and unworthy of being your wife)

Maybe he has extenuating circumstances, real feelings in him as well. Yes maybe.

But what does it matter, since the result is the same; the conclusion is there:

He is linked to another woman whom he will not leave, and the only vacant place remains that of the mistress.

You slide gently from the occasional lover to the official mistress, from adultery to double life. Do you want to play that role, months, years, all your life? Do you really hope that he will leave her for you, that from the woman of his nights you will become the woman of his life? (mistress and unworthy of being your wife)

What about him? How does he really feel? Is it just a game of seduction that has gone too far, or an ugly habit? A drive, a desire, a lack to fill? A bad passade in his couple’s turn? Or is it different with you, does it nourish feelings towards you, is it really lost, sincere? Maybe… But for all that, it doesn’t matter if he cares about you, is attached or falls in love, does he respect you by treating you like this, by letting things drag on?

Would he be ready to take on your relationship, to change his life? To make you the new woman of her new life, in the open?

Are there women whom we say we love but whose love we will never assume in the open?

Yes, there are men who leave their wives and who rebuild their lives as the expression says, with the one who was once their mistress. Men who assume, or who did not see in their mistress in the end that a woman unworthy of being loved in the open. But for those who take the plunge, how many continue to have a double life, to have “two wives, two lives”?

Often, the relationship that is created is based on carnal relationships, we must not lie. The man finds in his lover the sensuality, the naughtiness, the tenderness or the passion that he may no longer find in his intimacy with his wife, whether it is transient or that it has lasted for a long time. It is not reductive, an adulterine relationship is not limited to this but it is often how the link is created, by the rapprochement of the bodies. Moreover, for some fickle, unfaithful men, their mistress is a way of having in their life a woman who meets some of their desires, their expectations, things that he does not always assume to have in their “real life”. This often gives mistresses the sulphurous image of light women, unsayable, union-breaking and therefore necessarily guilty of everything.

From another point of view, the mistress is sometimes the woman who would not be assumed in the open for other reasons. Is she chosen in this way precisely so as not to risk falling in love with it, not to see in it anything other than a more or less lasting affair? (mistress and unworthy of being your wife)

For many men, the woman worthy of sharing their romps in bed but not the reality of their life does not correspond to the social image they have of their ideal wife. They always find an excuse, a criterion, a pretext not to consider any commitment, beyond their already official union.

“It’s a woman like you that I wanted, whole, passionate and exciting, a little crazy, impulsive, excessive but I can’t assume it in my life. I am a man who does not assume the gaze of others, the judgment. I’m afraid to restart everything, to start from scratch. »

Can we speak of almost exclusively male cowardice?

These men are guilty of letting a bond be created, of giving crumbs to which the woman attaches herself like a lifeline, believing that the slightest mark of attention is synonymous with nascent feelings when there is nothing of them. The bond continues, but the more time passes, the harder it is to stop. And after that, it is too late. She fell in love. And in addition, she feels guilty and unworthy of being truly loved.

Should we question ourselves for having been a man’s mistress?

Taken hostage by his feelings, become dependent on a form of emotional blackmail, in love and therefore ready to attach to the smallest crumbs, to the smallest mark of attention, affection, tenderness, attachment, we accept everything. (mistress and unworthy of being your wife)

Delays, last minute cancellations, brief hugs, stolen moments. One lives in the expectation of the other. The next message, the next call, the next appointment. We suffer. We get sick of it. No message, no sweet word, and we collapse. We live at the disposal of the official schedule of sir.

It can last for weeks, months, sometimes years. And meanwhile, the game of undermining self-confidence and the spectre of emotional dependence are gaining more and more momentum and space in our thoughts, in our lives.

The permanent questioning of oneself accompanies this bond, this simulacrum of a romantic relationship. “I’m not good enough for him, I shouldn’t have called him, I have to be patient… » (mistress and unworthy of being your wife)

It feels like being dependent, addicted, addicted. To be nothing more, to become pathetic. To stay, to hope. in vain.

It is difficult and extremely painful to get out of such a relationship. For the heart obviously and the pain that this generates but also and above all for self-confidence. We must not feel responsible, guilty. Do not tell yourself that we are unworthy of being truly loved, of being kind in the open, in the eyes of all.

We must be able to say to ourselves that we deserve better and get rid of such a relationship when it no longer brings us anything positive, when it hurts us, and when ultimatums have become commonplace. These unbalanced, secret, unhealthy relationships let us not be afraid of words, constitute a form of manipulation, of toxic relationship. (mistress and unworthy of being your wife)

Is it a curse, a bad luck, chance, fate? Is it a question of character, of lived experience? Is it our fault? Have we done everything backwards? Do we not have the right to official status? Or our only mistake is that of having believed in it, of having trusted it for too long, and of being thus, sadly banal, the one that will remain in the shadows, that will be hidden, used and finally left? Like a shameful disease?

To dive once into this kind of relationship, is it to disrespect oneself and to get lost forever?

Are there women we desire, worthy of being mistresses but unworthy of being women we marry? Unkind women, whom we do not marry?

Are there women made to be hidden, to remain in the shadows, secret, only worthy of the status of mistress, of lover?

No, don’t think that about you. You deserve better. Whatever the reason for this bond, its duration, its history, the feelings experienced, you are not guilty and you deserve to be loved truly. Don’t let anyone force you to live your love in their own way, don’t let anyone decide for you what relationship you want to live, don’t let anyone make you think that you are unworthy of being truly loved.