My boyfriend doesn’t want a baby right away
Your relationship is going perfectly well: you love each other and progress on the path of love. Your projection of the future seems idyllic BUT lo and behold, he doesn’t want a baby right away…. Until now this did not pose any problems, but there, the desire to become a mother begins to take the pas: what to do? what to say? This article will help you understand what is going on in your lover’s head so that you can make a decision that is appropriate to the situation.
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The Maternal feeling is not the paternal feeling
You should know that the will to be a mother very often depends on the biological clock of a woman. Some will wake up at 20 and others at 30, with this desire that can become obsessive. Once the desire is implanted in the brain, it seems very complicated to get rid of it because everything accelerates: we imagine ourselves pregnant, we plan the room, we think about the nursery and we imagine our baby well before conception. If this desire remains in you: You often feel the need to talk to your partner… that’s where the problems can start.
You’re like, “My boyfriend doesn’t want a baby right away: why aren’t we on the same page?” Know that a man does not have this biological need because he does not give birth! He can give birth to a child until he is 60 years old, or even more: he is not in a hurry! The idea of starting a family can be an element of stress for him because he will have to make do to a whole set of obligations that exceeds him.
How to expose his desire to have a baby with tact and diplomacy?
If you decide to talk to your man you will have to do it diplomatically because being a father is a change of life! When we want to enter into a good couple communication, we must put ourselves in the sneakers of our interlocutor. Take a moment to ask yourself the following questions:
- My boyfriend doesn’t want a child right away, he doesn’t want to be a father: why?
- What’s blocking it?
- What could make him change his mind?
- How to make him want?
If you manage to get into his internal logic, you will be able to open a door to make him change his mind. It is advisable to talk to him in a quiet place away from the ambient stress. Ideally during a romantic weekend! You will express to him your feelings and your desires for a union at his side. By speaking in terms of “I” you will allow him to enter into your logic. As a result, he will feel more confident to indulge and tell you how he feels.
My boyfriend doesn’t want a baby right away: how to make him want:
1/ Reassure him
Did you know how to answer this first question: why doesn’t my boyfriend want a baby right away?
If not, I will give you some answers: most of the time, men do not want a baby right away because they are afraid of aging, afraid of the change of life that this implies. So you have to reassure him! Explaining that having a baby does not mean never having time for yourself again or putting your couple aside.
Remind him that nowadays there are babysitters, that the baby will be able to go to his grandparents from time to time, that you can take turns to see your friends when the desire tells you… In short, we must give him the feeling that all his life will not tip over to the dark side!
Because, if for you, having a baby is only going to be happiness and that will also be the case for him the day he is there, for the moment, the very idea of a new being in the family is a real source of anxiety for him!
2/ Put him in confidence by showing him that he will manage (My boyfriend doesn’t want a baby right away)
Once again, the idea is to reassure him! Tell him how great a dad he will make and show him that you have complete confidence in him.
I also invite you to make him listen to podcasts like Histoires de Darons which was created by Fabrice Florent, the founder of Madmoizelle. This podcast is ultra dedramatizing and gives a rather cool and realistic vision of fatherhood!
Besides, with my darling we listened to a lot of them during my pregnancy and it helped us a lot! We also realized that future dads never feel “ready”. Not so surprising at the same time! Already, as a mother who carries baby for 9 months, impossible to say “ok let’s go I’m archi ready”! So it seems logical that dads finally feel ready only when the baby finally appears. And there’s absolutely nothing serious about it!
So remind him that if he does not feel ready, he is simply part of the 98% of the male population! And that it will not make him a bad father!
3/ De-dramatize pregnancy and life change following the arrival of a baby (My boyfriend doesn’t want a baby right away)
De-dramatize pregnancy a max! Some guys feel like they’re going to end up in jail overnight. Remind him that it is you and not him who will carry baby. And that you will not become his jailer for all that!
My darling was super afraid of this: that I would prevent her from seeing her friends, drinking, partying during my pregnancy. And I reassured him on this: for me, he could still enjoy his life before baby for 9 months more than me, while he enjoys! And that reassured him enormously!
Similarly, I repeated to him a thousand times that even in the most disadvantaged countries, people manage to bring up their children. In prehistoric times, without a down jacket or Picard, we could also do it! So why wouldn’t he and I be in our role as parents?
What to do if my boyfriend REALLY doesn’t want a baby
You can’t change a person because they have their values, their desires and their beliefs. If you feel that you have used all your diplomacy to change his mind but nothing does, you have two options:
1/ You discussed together on a reflection period: (My boyfriend doesn’t want a baby right away)
Maybe it takes you a little time to evolve your relationship and your complicity. You have to be strong to have a child! It’s not about leaving after a few years SO give yourself time to grow and flourish in your relationship. When you are “solidarity” it will be time to think about going further. The best advice I can give you is to build your couple so that it can accommodate a beautiful toddler.
2/ You want a child WITH or WITHOUT him: Having a baby is your priority
In this case if the desire becomes predominant and prevents you from continuing to be in a relationship, it may be time to leave it and find a man who will have the same expectations as you. There is no judgment to be made, but your needs must be taken into account. Careful! We don’t have children behind our backs! Making a child requires offering him love and stability.
My boyfriend doesn’t want a baby right away: what to do?
Accept that your desires are not necessarily those of your lover. Take the time to solidify your couple to create the “reciprocal” desire to go further. To have a child is to give birth to a life! It is necessary to offer him all the happiness and love of the world. It is not a decision that is taken on a whim otherwise the backlash will be painful.
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