My fight to become a mother
When you are a woman, in the eyes of people there is one thing that seems obvious: one day we will become a mother. It is logical, nature wanted it that way, it is the culmination of a love story, of a couple, of life itself, to start a family. Only for some women, things do not happen as easily, so naturally. You don’t have all the chance to decide when you can become a mom. Where pregnancy and motherhood should be sources of joy, for them they are real obstacle courses. Here is the testimony of a woman full of courage: my fight to become a mother.
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“My fight to become a mother”: testimony of a woman full of courage
There are women who have evidence.
For some, their lives seem to be all mapped out. Meet the man of their lives, get married and have children. Start their family and all this before the age of 30 as if that age were a deadline.
For others, it is the opposite, they want above all to have fun, to meet people, to flourish in their professional life and do not plan to become a mother before their 30th birthday minimum.
These two options are often a caricature of what a woman’s life should be like today.
Either you are a mother above all or you become one late after 35 or 40 years, after taking the time to think only of yourself, your social life, love and your career. Whatever we do, when we are a woman, we must fit into a box as to our future role as a mother. And then there are also those who do not want children, by choice.
But there are women who don’t fit into any of these boxes, those who want to become moms but can’t. Those who do not program anything and just let life be made and undone according to the vagaries, trials and opportunities.
I am one of them and maybe it is because of this, because of my uncertainties that becoming a mother for me is now a struggle.
A real obstacle course. My fight to become a mom. (My fight to become a mother)
That’s right, I never told myself at 20 that my goal was to become a mother before I was 30. Conversely, I have also never said that I did not want children. I didn’t programme anything, in fact I considered myself a woman who would surely become a mother but I didn’t build my life around that.
Because for me to be a mother, it was necessarily related to love. To become a mother, I first had to be in love, to build a solid couple in durability and confidence. And sometimes it takes time to meet the right person.
Is it because life decided to put a man on my way late that my desire to be a mom woke up after I was 30 years old? Is it my fault? Should I have made it a priority before?
I do not want to ask myself all these questions. There are millions of women today who become mothers after the age of 30 or 40, even though we are aware that it may be longer and more difficult.
I never considered becoming a mother because I had to, but because I wanted to.
So I met the man I am in love with, the one who shares my life today when I was over 30 years old. It was life that decided so, it took time for me to find the right one.
After our first years together, we both had this inner desire, this biological clock that synchronized to tell us that we were – if it is possible to be – ready to become parents.
Having a child is a project that we had together from the beginning. For almost 10 years, we have been building our love story on this strength, that of evolving at the same pace and that is what makes us happy.
But the gaze of others is never far away. (My fight to become a mother)
We cannot prevent people, even the most benevolent in the environment, from being clumsy, too curious and unintentionally hurting. How many family and evening meetings with friends have we spent with his famous phrases, these questions? “And you then it’s for when? Still no baby in sight? You’re too fusional for that, aren’t you? Maybe you should get started, the 40th anniversary is approaching! ». So many sentences that made me cry, that made me want to scream…
If only they all knew… If they knew that this desire we have had for several years but that the where it is normally a gift that is given by life, for us it is a fight to be fought. For several years now, we have been trying to found our family. On several occasions, we thought we touched this happiness. Only nature has decided otherwise.
You can’t have a child. I have what is called a hostile uterus.
It’s a horrible expression. This means in my case that I may have a tiny chance of getting pregnant. Only the cozy nest that should normally be my belly does not represent a refuge for our future baby. It’s more of a trap, a ticking time bomb and it’s a horrible feeling to experience.
Knowing that by wanting to give life, I can actually cause the death of my baby.
Talking about it now, writing it makes me realize how traumatic such a thing is. But that we must free ourselves from it. So that’s why today I’m not yet a mom. That is why hoping to become one is a real struggle.
My fight to become a mother is our fight as a couple.
Because yes we fight, whatever the cost, we decided that we would not give up anything. Our family is a project of love that we have together and our couple is strong. I measure how lucky I am to have in my life such a considerate, loving and solid man.
When we had the diagnosis, you can’t imagine the weight of guilt that fell on my shoulders. Because of me, the man I love may never be a father. Because of me, we may never be parents. It’s heavy to carry and I didn’t want to impose that on him. Only, he left me no choice. Whatever happens, it’s him and me first and foremost so we fight.
If nature does not want us to be parents like this, we will find another solution. There are others and we are exploring them all.
Nature can hold beautiful surprises when you least expect them, such as life. I keep a tiny hope in my heart, it’s stronger than me.
My maternal instinct speaks for myself. I know that one day I will be a mother.
So yes, I’ll become a mom later than a lot of women, and maybe not in the same way as most of them. My child may not look like me, but whatever the scenario is coming up, that child will be mine. ours.
We will win this fight. For we love each other and we have love to give. I will become a mother, we will be parents, we will form a family. »
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