My husband has been distant since giving birth
Since the arrival of baby, you feel your husband distant. No matter how much you go to him, he seems unceptive, and it makes you suffer. You don’t share much together anymore, except what’s related to the “baby” organization. Besides, you only talk about that, because it seems closed to everything else. And you’re like, My husband has been distant since giving birth. So what should we do? To best help you, I interviewed several moms and dads
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He is distant since childbirth: understanding the reasons
He feels excluded from the mom-baby fusion
You have carried your child in you for 9 months, and now that he is there your husband may be having trouble taking on his role as a father. It is possible that he feels excluded from your fusion duo.
This is all the more the case, if you have got into the habit of making remarks to him that make him understand that he is not doing things well enough, that you are doing them better than he is. This is why over time he has less desire to make efforts and invest.
It is also possible that he feels that he no longer has any attention from you,that he has been reduced to the strict role of father, and no longer husband or lover. He may feel a kind of jealousy towards your baby,who demands all your attention on a daily basis.
It takes on the role of the financial pillar
Until a few decades ago, it was agreed that the woman should raise and care for the children at home, while the man “worked hard” to be able to provide for the family’s financial needs.
It is still a practice that is unconsciously inscribed in the mentality today.
The father tends to work a lot (so he is unavailable and tired) to compensate for the fact that he was not the protective and nurturing pillar of your child while he was in your belly. It is his way of getting involved.
He may be acting this way also because he is not sure how to help you on a daily basis with baby, so he takes refuge in what he knows
He has postpartum depression (My husband has been distant since giving birth)
Contrary to what one might think, some fathers also experience postpartum depression (depression related to the birth of a child), which means that they move away and cannot invest in family life.
It may be related to the shock of childbirth, to the fact that they really realize that they are becoming fathers, which is an anguish for them.
In this case come the fear of being a bad father and not knowing how to manage, as well as a decrease in libido.
He is in fusion with his baby
Conversely, it may be that your husband is in total fusion with your baby and that it is you who feel a little too much! Some dads make up for not being able to carry their child by spending a lot of time with them after birth.
My husband has been distant since giving birth: the solutions
Talk to him about it to reassure you
Dialogue, dialogue and dialogue! It is important that you can talk about how you feel with him, so that you can reassure him, and reassure yourself at the same time. Ask him how he feels, if he has any particular fears and apprehensions. Communication in the couple has never been so essential!
He will surely tell you that the fact that he is distant is not related to a lack of love, but to the fact that he needs a time of adaptation in the face of all these upheavals.
Keeping a balance (My husband has been distant since giving birth)
Often after giving birth, you have no time for yourself, and you are very tired, which is normal
But it is important that your whole life does not revolve solely around baby, for your balance and ultimately your happiness with three.
Your couple also needs attention, so try to keep a few moments together when you can. For example, as soon as you feel ready, you can give your child to keep with the grandparents for a few hours, to spend time as a couple, as before. Also try to talk about something other than a baby from time to time.
Do not forget to take the time to listen carefully to your husband from time to time, to show him that you do not forget him and that he is still as important to you.
After childbirth, the father sometimes feels the desire to “recover” his wife, to regain her attention and the joy of re-establishing love with her, after months of predicting the arrival of the child. But it’s surely one of your last priorities right now, and it’s understandable. However, keep in mind that it is important to recreate an intimacy with two little by little, to reconnect with your lover, for your well-being to both.
My husband has been distant since giving birth: Involve him more and encourage him in his role as a father
As at work, it is necessary to know how to delegate when you have a child.
Show your husband that you trust him. Ask them to carry your child, bathe them, take care of them alone while you have an evening with friends… This will relieve you a lot! Involve him in everyday tasks, without monitoring him to be sure that he reproduces your actions identically.
There is not just one way to do it, and it can do well and differently. So make sure you don’t be too critical, so that he doesn’t get focused and don’t want to do it again. That would be a pity!
Reconnecting with your femininity
Since giving birth, you may feel that your husband desires you less, that he sees you only as a mother, and no longer as his lover.
It also depends a lot on how you see yourself today.
It is true that childbirth causes physical upheaval, and sometimes scarring. It can take time to recover, and consider your body as less desirable than before. And without realizing it, we will distance ourselves from the other in anticipation of its rejection.
But remember this: you are beautiful as a mother and as a woman. And I am sure that your husband still finds you as beautiful and desirable as before. Your body has not abandoned you, it is still there. So do not forget to take care of him little by little. Reconnect with your femininity and sensuality. You can start by doing massages for two for example …
Conclusion: my husband has been distant since giving birth
With the arrival of a child, the couple necessarily evolves, and this requires some adjustments as and when. All this is normal.
You have to learn to live with 3, and everyone has to find their place, which is not done overnight. Keep your confidence, and keep talking about it both, to avoid misunderstandings and maintain your complicity.
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