My in-laws are too present: what to do?

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My in-laws are too present

It is hard to deny that the subject of “in-laws” often comes up in couple disputes. In-laws too present, invasive, who gives their opinion on everything and especially on what does not concern her! Is that familiar to you? You find that your in-laws are too present but you do not know how to discuss the subject with your spouse for fear of arguing? Here are some tips to try to best manage a beautiful invasive family. My in-laws are too present: what to do?

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My in-laws are too present: what to do?

Ah, the joys of the in-laws, of the mother-in-law, often, who does not like her daughter-in-law who stole her son from her. Or the father-in-law who finds that his son-in-law is not good enough for his “darling little girl”. Clichés all this? Maybe! What is certain is that it is not always rosy between a couple and the in-kind families. Sometimes on one side, sometimes on both sides alas.

What often comes up in problems and conflicts with his in-laws?

Too present to the point of being invasive, not having cut the cord with their child yet adult, in couple, even married sometimes and parent in turn. How to manage an in-laws that meddle in everything, that does not know how to stay in its place? Who has taken on bad habits? Like that of coming to your home unexpectedly, of criticizing your way of life, the education of your children. Or who, on the contrary, adores you, but considers that you must call and see each other every weekend?

It is not easy to keep calm and not to find yourself in opposition in your relationship. To avoid tensions between you, and especially not to let yourself be invaded by your in-laws, it is advisable to be polite but firm. It is necessary to affirm your place within your couple, especially not to make it a subject of discord within your home.

My in-laws are too present: what to do?

1/ Set limits from the beginning

We all had the first meeting with the in-laws, that of the “official presentation”. At that time, we tend to say yes to everything to make a good impression, even if it means not being too natural. As time passes, you realize that even being yourself, your in-laws have taken liberties.

It is therefore vital to set the boundaries, for you and your couple.

It also does not mean that you should forget your in-laws and put them aside, to the detriment of yours for example. No, it is still important, it is your spouse’s family, even if the agreement is not perfect. It is therefore essential, even if it is invasive, to respect it while imposing limits and setting rules. 

Simple but essential to maintain a good balance between your life as a couple and your family moments. For example, no weekly Sunday lunch or unannounced visits. Nor, if you have children, to question your parental authority. Your in-laws need to understand that your couple wants or has already created their own family and that they need to respect your life.

2/ Patience, courtesy and firmness when the in-laws are too present

The subjects of discord can be numerous with the in-laws. Some often come back like the education of children, the jealousy of seeing that their daughter or son has made his life, your way of living as a couple.

When these areas of disagreement arrive, it creates a tense climate and it is sometimes difficult to maintain calm. Indeed, we tend to want to bang our fists on the table. Unfortunately you will not solve anything by anger and irritation.

Don’t lose your composure.

Try to put water in your wine and calmly discuss what bothers you.

There is no question of you organizing your life as a couple and family according to their desires and rules. It is necessary to make them understand politely that each one in his own way of seeing things and that you manage your life with your spouse as you see fit. The whole point is to do things right so as not to conflict with them. Nor therefore with your spouse who will find himself in a delicate position “caught between the hammer and the anvil”.

Patience, politeness and courtesy are therefore required not to make things worse, but this obviously does not prevent a certain amount of firmness. That is how you will be fully respected anyway.

My in-laws are too present

3/ Good communication about it within your couple

This is surely the most important thing to do when the in-laws become a recurring topic of tension. Even though your in-laws can quickly become a subject of disagreement between you, it is vital that you talk about it. Above all, it must not become a cause of incessant disputes and it must drive you away.

And in order not to make things worse at the next family reunion, both discuss beforehand what upsets you. Both try to have a constructive conversation, without getting upset and objective about the “flaws” of the family.

It is essential that you agree together on what bothers you and what things to improve.

Feel free to tell him that this relationship is stifling for you, that if you respect his family you feel that they are too involved in both of you. It is essential to be in agreement on this subject so that your couple does not suffer. The in-laws can unfortunately become a cause of rupture, so do not neglect the communication within your couple.

4/ Affirm their status as an adult, responsible and independent couple

When we pass the stages of life such as getting in a relationship, having a child, the family may tend to want to meddle in everything, to give its opinion on each subject. It starts from a good feeling, they are worried about us, have trouble seeing us grow, for them we will always remain their “babies”.

However, it is because of this kind of behavior that the in-laws become invasive.

So it’s up to you to make them understand that you are moving forward in life with your spouse and your children and that even if you make mistakes this is how you will learn the things of life.

We must make them understand that of course we always need them, that they remain important to you, that you love them, but that you are today independent and responsible adults who want to take responsibility and above all live as you see fit.

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