My wife criticizes me
Your wife is someone who has easy criticism, hasty judgment, especially with you. She lacks patience, kindness or empathy and what you say or do rarely lives up to her desires. Reproaches, criticisms, mockery, she is sometimes cynical, even scathing, and it hurts you more and more. You have been patient but now you can no longer and you know that this is not how to communicate in the couple.
It is obvious that there is a problem, that loving one another is not that and you want it to change. For this, you need to understand the situation and tips to get out of it. My wife criticizes me all the time: what to do? Here are some tips to follow to fix the problem if it is still possible and above all, to take care of yourself.
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My wife criticizes me all the time: what to do?
Unhealthy communication within the couple
Your wife, you loved her and that’s why you married her. True, it has character but you did not expect to experience such a situation, increasingly toxic. The more time passes, the more difficult it is for you to live with her and continue to love her as you would like, so much she belittles you.
Indeed, your wife does not know how to communicate with you without criticizing you. What you say, she brushes it aside, what you do is never good enough. In his eyes, there is always something wrong.
Is she manic, perfectionist, authoritarian? Worse, is it a manipulator, narcissistic perversetendency, who wants to control everything and impose everything?
In a couple, the abuse can be psychological and women can be verbally violent, like men.
My wife criticizes me all the time: a way to infantilize you?
It is often said that a woman, by acting in this way, infantilizes her husband. In psychology, it is believed that the fundamental need of women is to be secure. Unlike men who need above all to be encouraged. This difference often leads to communication problems. Hence the famous repeated reproaches “Why don’t you tell me anything?” or for everyday trifles like “You still forgot to go to the dry cleaner, it’s always the same with you!”
Indeed, nothing satisfies her, she moanes about everything and holds you responsible for everything. Most of the time it shows bad faith. And it ends in two ways: either it ignores you, or it seeks conflict.
Her reactions make it possible to understand who she is. Is it really worn out by some of your flaws? Are his reproaches justified, sometimes, often, never? Is she hurt too? Or does it seek purely and simply to demean you, to silence you, or on the contrary to push you into your entrenchments to create an argument?
According to his way of doing things, and if the criticisms and reproaches become incessant, on anything and everything, then it is much more serious than a brief excess of authority. This is called a demeaning spouse.
How do we react to this?
My wife criticizes me all the time: what to do?
Identify the nature of his reproaches
Among your wife’s criticisms of you, take a few moments to sort it out. Are some of them well-founded? Does she criticize you about anything and everything or about specific subjects? How do you feel? Sad, angry, hurt, humiliated, resigned? A person who feels denigrated within his couple must express his feelings in his own name to regain his individuality.
And ask yourself, “Why do I let myself be belittled?” This can be due to lack of self-confidence or emotional dependence. Also out of laziness, resignation or hope that it will calm down if nothing is done.
It is also common for a woman who belittles her husband to lack self-confidence. She feels compelled to demean the other to benefit from a sense of superiority. If it goes further as seen above, she can unfortunately belong to the category of narcissistic perverts. Here, it is not a question of ill-being on his part but of a balance of power and a permanent need for domination.
Take the time to talk about it together
The first step to try to fix things and find good communication within the couple, to move forward, is simply to talk about it together. Make her understand your unhappiness, give her examples so that she realizes how much she hurts you. Tell her that you can’t stand her attitude anymore, and that you’d like her to stop. Be open to her explanations, tell her that you are ready to hear what bothers her. If these are suggestions that you think are sensible, and you think you can make an effort on your side, show them that you can improve. Thus, she will see that there is no point in criticizing you, that it is better to express herself calmly when something does not suit her. And it will change the way it works.
If, on the contrary, her reproaches are unfounded, she refuses to talk to you or she is upset, then be firm in making her understand that you refuse to continue like this. You are not her child or an employee, you both have flaws and she does not have to treat you like that. Do not let it regain control of the discussion with its usual means by reproach and criticism.
My wife criticizes me all the time, what should I do? Reverse roles
Would she accept that you do the same? That you talk to her badly all day long, that you demean her, reproach her for all her actions? Make her realize that she, too, is far from perfect, but that does not mean that you spend your time criticizing her. That loving oneself and living together is to respect one another and to say things to one another calmly when things go wrong. But let us not build anything by humiliating the other.
If the communication does not succeed, then reverse the roles and have no qualms about doing so. It sometimes takes a strong act for it to serve as a trigger, a trigger for the other. What would she say if you were the one who launched the criticisms in your relationship? Take her example, and criticize everything that you do not like about her in her way of doing, of speaking, of being. Thus, she could realize that her criticisms can be hurtful, and question herself.
If she loves you, is intelligent and caring, she will understand that she has gone too far and she will adopt a different behavior, realizing that this is not what she wants for your couple. Finding calm exchanges, a serenity in your couple could make him understand that his way of doing things was not only the wrong, but above all hurtful for you.
Don’t look for excuses indefinitely
It is very likely that his behavior and his way of communicating in your couple find their origin in an unhappiness. Lack of self-confidence, refusal to see things in the face, need to control everything… The one who criticizes the other is often the partner who has the most things to reproach himself or herself for and to settle. But also remember that this unhealthy behavior can become toxic to you. At some point, therefore, you will have to stop finding excuses for him constantly and trying to justify his attitude. If you have been patient, have started the dialogue, have accepted a questioning, you have made efforts and nothing is being done about it, then it is no longer up to you to act to fix things.
Nothing can justify indefinitely his negative behavior towards you. If it has its origin in its past in love or family, but it refuses to admit it and change it, it is not up to you to do it for it. To refuse to face up to the situation is, in a way, to give up on improving it. It’s disrespectful to your couple, they can’t continue to devalue you like that. You can help him understand things but you can’t have an awareness in his place or the desire to change. Only she can want to and do it.
Avoid getting into his game (My wife criticizes me)
Reverse roles at a key moment following an attempt at communication to make him understand things, yes. But get into his game and start doing the same thing almost every day, no. That is not the solution and it does not look like you. Admittedly, it may seem tempting by dint of being subjected to incessant criticism, but in the end it will not solve anything. And most importantly, you are better than that.
Responding to your wife in the same tone as she risks breaking communication in the couple in the long term. This is a reaction that will only exacerbate the current already tense situation. You will then enter a destructive spiral, a vicious circle from which you will find it difficult to escape. And above all, you will not recognize yourself and will end up hating it and by hating yourself as well.
Ask your loved ones for their opinion
One does not wash one’s dirty line in public as the popular expression says. You are not a man to talk about your problems as a couple, nor to complain to your family or best friends. But there is a time when you need help to understand what is going on, put the slider of everyone’s responsibility in the right place in your couple and to regain self-confidence. And then tell yourself that your entourage is not fooled and that if your wife is all the time like this with you, they have necessarily realized it.
Being belittled in his relationship is difficult to admit and often even more so for a man. The ego takes a hit. Moreover, a demeaned person may not realize that he is in a form of control. But an unhappiness or a containment are all signs that alert family or friends. If you go wrong, they will see it and want to help you. Do not reject their help, it will be precious to you. The role of those around them is fundamental in this awareness. Comparing the speech of the spouse with that of the relatives can help bring your wife down from her pedestal. How do they perceive it? What is your share of responsibility? So many clues that will help you regain confidence in yourself and adjust your way of communicating with your wife.
My wife criticizes me all the time, what should I do? Leave if nothing changes
Unfortunately, things may not get better. If despite all this, your wife is in denial, or worse, that the situation worsens, you have to think about leaving. She can be toxic, narcissistic perverse, bad in her skin, whatever. In any case, it has things to sort out, but it does not want to. You have tried everything but nothing helps, you do not have to suffer again and again. Staying is dangerous for your self-confidence and emotional and psychological balance.
Indeed, belittling is a form of psychological harassment. The purpose of words or actions is to devalue the other. This can lead to a situation of confinement or loss of reference points. If there is no awareness on his part, it is because your relationship is most likely toxic. In this case, we must give ourselves the chance to flourish elsewhere. And for this, there is sometimes only one solution to take care of yourself: leave your wife.
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