You are no longer happy in your romantic relationship, but something is holding you back from taking the plunge. You are afraid to make a mistake in causing the breakup, and to regret it afterwards. A separation represents a great upheaval in a life, and it is normal to hesitate, to have blockages. I want to leave it but I’m afraid I regret: here are the right questions to ask you to move forward.
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I want to leave him but I’m afraid to regret: Wondering if the reasons for leaving him are legitimate
It’s important to ask yourself if the desire to separate really comes from you at first (and not from a friend or family member for example), and if there’s nothing more to do to fix a relationship that made you happy before. To find out if it’s really time to separate, ask yourself if there is more negative than positive in the relationship. Because the goal of a life together is to enjoy, not to suffer. There are 5 questions to ask yourself before breaking up, try to answer them most objectively.
It is obviously normal that there are ups and downs, that there are decreases in desire and love in the couple from time to time. But when it becomes recurrent, and it lasts over time, we must indeed ask ourselves the right questions.
And if you want to leave your man for another, ask yourself what you are missing in your current relationship, which you are looking to fill with another person. Wouldn’t there be a way to fill this need in another way, while safeguarding your couple?
If not, will this new person really be able to meet your needs?
Is there still love?
Finally, the most important thing is to know if you still feel love for him. Sometimes love is buried beneath a bunch of frustrations and anger, but it’s still there. And it’s a shame to get away from a person for whom you still feel something.
However, if you are honest with yourself, and you know deep down that there has been no love for a long time, it is indeed time to separate. To rekindle that flame in you, to live again, differently.
Because by staying with someone you no longer love, you don’t leave room for anything else. You do not have enough space in your life and your heart to make a beautiful meeting for example.
Listen to your heart, your intuition
The heart VS the mind (romantic relationship)
Fears are the object of your mind, which seeks to protect you. If you really want to leave, but your fears prevent you from doing so, it is necessary to refocus on your intuition, rather than on your thoughts that anticipate the worst.
If you listen to your heart, what does it tell you? If we put aside your fears and barriers, what do you really want?
And finally, what are you really afraid of?
The different possible fears
There can be multiple reasons to be afraid to break up with your partner: fear of finding yourself alone, of making your children suffer, of losing financial security, of not finding someone as well, fear that he will not accept it, of disappointing your loved ones etc.
However, you know deep down what is good for you, what you need to be happy, behind your fears.
So isn’t it worth it to lose a level of material comfort to find your joie de vivre for example?
Fear of making others suffer (romantic relationship)
If you realize that you are staying with your partner for simple fear of making him suffer, it means that you put his well-being before your own happiness. But you can’t make someone happy if you’re unhappy yourself. You can’t take care of him, or protect him if you no longer care about him. So what’s the point? You don’t bring him anything in the end.
If you are afraid of his reaction, keep in mind that you can not save him in any case. And it is better that he is in pain on the spot, than to suffer from being unloved for years to come… You sort of release him, even if it’s against his will.
And if he is blackmailing you emotionally (by threatening to commit suicide for example), tell yourself that you need to get away from this toxic relationship for your own good. He does not have to manipulate you, nor to have control over you, because you are a free woman.
Also if there are children at stake, keep in mind that even though it will undeniably be an ordeal for them, the most important thing is that they feel that their parents are happy, even if they are separated. Otherwise you give them as an example that you have to sacrifice yourself for others, even if it means being unhappy for a lifetime…
To stay for the children is to make them bear the responsibility that if they were not there, their parents would be happier. Because they feel everything.
And as for the opinion of your loved ones, it is not their problem, and they will have no choice but to accept the separation, if that is what you decide.
Dare to step out of your comfort zone
To dare to change one’s life is to go towards the uncertain, the unknown, the new; and it’s scary, it’s normal. If you are determined to break up, you must be aware that of course it will not be easy at first, but it is the “price to pay” to achieve happiness afterwards. Getting out of your comfort zone is necessary to regain your energy, to reconnect with what you really need today, to find yourself and regain confidence in yourself.
« We know what we lose, but we don’t know what we find,” it’s true. But there is an unfortunate tendency to consider the worst, rather than the best. It’s like when you’re afraid to change jobs: the fear of finding a worse job often outweighs the desire to be more fulfilled on a daily basis. And it’s a shame, because it’s only by daring that we have chances to find something better.
So remember that fear must not prevail over envy, happiness and fulfillment. Put your happiness first. You don’t live to be unhappy.
You have to know how to let go when something no longer works, and you have already tried several times to fix it.
So allow yourself to live the relationship you deserve. You have the right to be fulfilled in your romantic relationship, the right to love and be loved in return.
Conclusion: I want to leave it but I’m afraid to regret
Nothing is definitive: if it turns out that he is ultimately the man of your life and you both regret, you will end up finding yourself at some point. Trust life for this.
Keep in mind also that there are no bad choices, because there are always several possible paths, and each of them reserves experiences that are both pleasant and unpleasant. That’s why there is never any regret to have, but just experiences to live.
In any case, you will decide when you are ready, so do not put pressure on yourself. There is no need to cause a click, because it will happen on its own when it is the right time. In the meantime, take good care of yourself.