I am a perverse narcissist woman (testimony of a reader)

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perverse narcissist woman

“I am a narcissistic pervert”

I received an email from “A” who had a lot of courage to confide in this way. I think his approach is very positive, I let you read his testimony…

NB: I received a second email from another reader recently after reading this testimony which explains:

Lea, I am “Borderline” lol, yes lol because I do not accept it, I just read one of your article on narcissistic perverts or at least a person calling himself PN, I am Borderline myself and indeed I found myself in this testimony, but no, no, no I am not, I have a heart and I do not support this discomfort, a pervert loves this situation and has absolutely no remorse for his words, ME IF !!!! this person is not a pervert, never would a pervert dare to say that he is !!!!! it is a Borderline person in extreme suffering, thank you for not making an amalgam of the 2 pathologies, I hope that this person will find appeasement! No NARCISSISTIC PERVERT will testify (sign of weakness, except we know for a fact that he is incapable !!!).

This is my testimony to tell this person that he is wrong, he is anything but PN.

Testimony: (perverse narcissist woman)

Hello Lea,

Having seen a few articles about narcissistic perverts recently on your page, I must admit that I totally found myself in it. I have seen all the comments of his wives who have been the victims, although for me, some confuse “narcissistic pervert” and “bastard” or “asshole” or “liar” or “crazy”. We often talk about men with this syndrome, but women can also be. You can tell me that as I am aware, I am not really perverse narcissist because these individuals are robots. Yes, you are.

I have always acted the same way in all my relationships and I know that I have destroyed men. I didn’t realize how much until I read all your articles and more on sites on the subject, but I would like to write today that I too suffer enormously. (perverse narcissist woman)

Do you think you feel good when you are forced to put the other person down to feel happy? You think it’s not horrible to need to diminish the other to feel alive?

I have always manipulated others, often unconsciously, sometimes consciously. I know I turn my head and ideas upside down until the other person gets lost and questions themselves. I suffer a lot from this situation, I suffer from being like this. Since I became aware of it, I see myself acting, as if I see myself above myself and I disgust myself. I know I devalued my ex a lot.

perverse narcissist woman

Nothing went with me, I was never satisfied, he gave me everything, did everything for me, I was never satisfied, I asked for more, I told him that it hurt, that it was normal that no one loves him… And when HE reproached me for something, I became crazy, ultra susceptible, almost hysterical. Tears, tears, tears.

I do everything to make people love me, to be well seen by everyone, at their expense. I feel toxic, harmful. I get help, I see someone for a few months but I have the impression that it is anchored in me, that I would not be able to get out of it.

Today it’s almost worse, I feel like I’m crazy: I say horrible things, then I apologize flatly, still crying because I blame myself and I was not screwed to hold my animosity in me. (perverse narcissist woman)

I want to be able to love normally, to pull my next guy up, to be able to tell him how proud I am of him without feeling diminished. Telling him that he is great without thinking that I, therefore, am only a less than nothing!

I don’t know if you will publish this email Léa but I would like to. I know the hatred that your readers have for this type of people and I know that I risk getting a lot in the head but I would like people to understand that we are not happy.

The pleasure of feeling better or stronger than the other is ephemeral (I know, the other is hurt much longer, sometimes for life). But precisely, we know it and it rots us. It rots me.

perverse narcissist woman

I am aware that I have the typical profile, even if I have been questioning myself for some time. I am an attractive woman, whom people love right away, I am very outgoing and people love my company, except that in intimacy, I am a real tyrant, I want to control everything, I am a sickly jealous… And yet, even if I valued myself to my ex to feel powerful, deep down, I find myself shabby and I have never loved myself. 

My ex was generous, he hated conflict, it was a love… The only difference I notice at home with all the articles I have read around the subject is that it was I who left him realizing the harm I was doing to him.

I no longer want to be in a relationship because I have the impression that it is pathological and that I would always reproduce this pattern.

Thank you Leah for reading me, and if your readers read me one day, I hope they will hear that the suffering, my suffering, is very real and that I do not wish anyone to be who I am.

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