Premature ejaculation has become the main reason for consulting men in sexology. Fear of not being up to the task, physiological or couple problems… They finally dare to speak.
The first time, Virginie didn’t say anything. The second time, this young lawyer wanted to talk to Baptiste, who took it badly. The third time… There was no third time: “Yet he had everything to please me. A real nice, “old-fashioned” guy.
But when I realized that I was harboring an early ejaculator under my sheets, I broke the lease, without warning. And without extenuating circumstances! Baptiste is no exception. According tothe Spira Bajos report on the sexuality of the French – carried out between September 1991 and February 1992, with 20,055 people aged 18 to 69 – 27% of men suffer from this dysfunction.
“Technically speaking, premature ejaculation occurs two to three minutes after penetration, sometimes before,” explains Sylvain Mimoun, gynecologist and andrologist. We then speak of ejaculation ante portas. To leave less room for the notion of time, which does not mean much, I prefer to speak of “premature ejaculation”, that is to say too early in relation to the partner. “
(Premature ejaculator)Performance set up as a standard
This disorder, which tops the list of male sexual dysfunctions, far ahead of impotence (20%) and shortness of breath of desire (19%), has become the main reason for consulting men in sexology. This outbreak does not surprise Mireille Dubois-Chevalier, psychotherapist and sex therapist: “If statistically the number of early ejaculators has not increased, the demand for advice to improve things is on the rise.
It must be said that social discourse has changed, the ubiquitous media coverage of sexuality sets performance as a norm, and puts men under constant pressure. One question remains: why so much haste? Especially when premature ejaculation is not due to a purely physical problem (phimosis, frenulum of the foreskin too short, prostatitis …) relating to urology or, in the partner, to a lack of vaginal lubrication promoting friction, and therefore excitement, during penetration.
This speed is first registered in the male genes: like all male animals, the man is programmed to ejaculate prestissimo, especially at the dawn of his sexuality, for reasons linked to the instinct of procreation. In short, if he thought only of himself, any male would be naturally precocious.
Badly controlled emotions (Premature ejaculator)
However, other factors, psychological, also come into play: the fear of committing (ejaculating quickly is a good pretext to break a relationship difficult to assume), the need to live continuously under pressure (“A debauchery energy which stimulates the orthosympathetic system and accelerates the onset of ejaculation ”, specifies Catherine Solano, sexologist), or even… stage fright.
“Most of the time, the premature ejaculator presents a fragile psych emotional ground going back to puberty, that is to say at the time of his first sexual intercourse, badly controlled, indicates Sylvain Mimoum.
However, when the body gets used to ejaculating quickly, a physiological conditioning takes place and is self-sustaining in a reflex manner. Jean-Denis, 37, overbooked editor, knows something about it: “When I fear the idea of enjoying quickly and I try to break records for slowness, I tense up and rush the final bouquet. I can never really let myself go … Suddenly, I space the reports more and more or I avoid them, purely and simply, for fear of ridicule! “Ultimately accused, masturbation, more instinctual than emotional:”
The problem is not its practice in itself, but its speed of execution, its disconnection from the other, its lack of eroticism and the guilt that arises. attached to it, ”explains Catherine Solano.
When the break is looming (Premature ejaculator)
Gone are the days when express explosions crowned heroes with triumphant virility, such as Napoleon sweeping Joséphine at the charge! François, at the height of his 24 years, swears to have found the solution: “I ejaculate discreetly after ten-fifteen seconds.
But as I manage to “recharge” two or three times in an hour and a half, I can satisfy my girlfriend without her having any complaints! “
“At the start of an affair, some women are happy to hear the famous phrase: ‘I can’t hold back because I love you too much!’ continues Sylvain Mimoun. They feel reassured in their femininity: “If this man ejaculates quickly, it is because he has desire for me.
And too bad if the emotion overflows! ” In the long run, many experience it badly and dare to express their discontent, embarrassment or frustration. This is why premature ejaculation has become a cause of marriage breakup. And the men wonder. “I am married to a wonderful woman, but I am very afraid that our relationship will end up breaking because of my premature ejaculation, worries Matthieu, 30, computer scientist.
For the moment, she supports it, because I take care of her and the children are small. For how long ? “
Establish a new balance
Bertil, naval architect, in his forties, has known worse: “My friend, whom I venerated, got fed up and let me go a year ago. I had a big depression from which I am just emerging. But with the anguish of women tied to the guts, which I cannot dispel! “For Mireille Dubois-Chevalier, Bertil’s words paint a robot portrait of the TGV lover and the castrating woman:” As a general rule, such a man’s profile refers to an immature personality who has always sought to give satisfaction. to his mother, who has not experienced a teenage crisis and who puts her partner on a pedestal.
A “strong”, reassuring woman blocks her assertiveness and goes to live, for her part, in a situation of rivalry (obviously unconscious) with him. They complement each other structurally, but prevent each other from maturing. Premature ejaculator
Basically, insists the psychotherapist, “the first thing for a man is to recover and internalize the instructions for use of his body in order to become receptive to his own sensations and no longer fear touching it. The more he learns confidence, relaxation, sensuality, availability, the more it will be easy for him to regulate his sexual function to adapt to the demands of his partner and to delay his ejaculation. And the more this will decrease the pure excitement in him to facilitate the passage towards pleasure.
“With, in sight, the desire to assert oneself, to (re) conquer a manly role and to put one’s partner back in a feminine position. And Philippe Brenot, psychiatrist and anthropologist, concludes: “The goal being that the partners think together about a new erotic balance of their couple, out of performance and orgasm at all costs. “
The opinion of the specialist, Catherine Solano
Catherine Solano: “Hypnosis helps to find a natural sexuality” (Premature ejaculator)
Premature ejaculation is not inevitable. Alongside the classic retention techniques to be practiced in pairs or solo (read La Sexualité au masculin by Catherine Solano, Marabout, 2000), Ericksonian hypnosis proposes to work jointly on the body and the mind. Doctor Catherine Solano, sexologist, who uses this method, discusses the benefits of this technique.
Psychologies: What does Ericksonian hypnosis consist of?
Catherine Solano: To simplify, let’s say that we are using a modified state of consciousness, like the one we can experience when we are in the moon. To access it, the patient concentrates on sensations linked to a very pleasant memory and lets his thoughts wander. A session lasts about half an hour. Then he feels relaxed, like after a nap.
What does hypnosis do to delay ejaculation?
First, it teaches the body to let go so that sexuality becomes – or becomes again – something simple and natural. To show the patient that he can change his behavior, the therapist frequently proceeds by indirect suggestions, using the metaphor. The unconscious, which functions in an analog rather than analytical way, understands this pictorial language very well, which leads it to overcome its resistances and to mobilize its positive potentials.
Does this technique permanently cure premature ejaculation? (Premature ejaculator)
Testimony: “At the beginning, I lived it very badly”
Thierry, 32, is a precocious ejaculator. And proud to be. He made his dysfunction a major asset in his sexual development.
“I don’t feel guilty about knowing and letting it be known that I come in a minute, a minute and a half!” At the beginning, I lived it very badly, I gambergé enormously. When I was around 20, I even stopped having sex for a year. Until I met a very cerebral and a little sexually ambiguous girl. Our flirtation lasted for months. We contented ourselves with more and more extensive touching. And it stuck very well between us.
Today, I have come to the conclusion that it is probably the nature of the “male” who wants it, and that there are plenty of girls for whom penetration does not really matter.
With them, I behave like a champion of the preliminaries, which I make last as long as possible so as not to have to do more than two or three back and forth before enjoying. And I guarantee you that it works
JOIN US ON FACEBOOK