Secret relationship with a co-worker: 4 reasons you should think before you start

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Secret relationship with a co-worker

The company, this singular ecosystem populated by chefs, subordinates, interns, or other external stakeholders, is a priori far removed from the field of love. Power relations, power relations, opportunism, individual ambitions… the competition is tough! So to protect oneself, to reveal oneself as little as possible, one avoids mixing professional and private life. 

But the human is not a machine, and it is possible to one day be tempted to fry with a colleague a little too attractive or enterprising. If the prospect of having a romance at work blunts you in advance, here are 4 reasons why you should think twice before starting a secret relationship with a co-worker.

Secret relationship with a co-worker: 4 reasons you should think before you start

1/ It’s your supervisor (Secret relationship with a co-worker)

You don’t sleep with your boss. This is an implicit rule of the business world, and who dares to deviate from the rule will be severely criticized by the popular vindictiveness. More generally, if there is a difference in status between you and your crush, regardless of whether or not there is a relationship of subordination, there are chances that it will be very badly perceived by your professional entourage. Unfortunately, when this type of relationship is revealed in the open, gossip usually goes well. Accusations of venality or sofa promotion, colleagues are not always tender with lovers.

So you might as well be careful if you don’t want to be the subject of all the discussions at the coffee machine, as Melissa describes it.

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“I met Raphaël while I was doing an internship in the company that employed him. We were only a year apart, we worked in a “cool” environment, yet our difference in status posed a real problem. Soon our colleagues suspected our history and he received unpleasant remarks. We have also been set traps so that we can betray ourselves. As a result, we had to deny our history and hide for the duration of my internship. »

2/ You are not free (Secret relationship with a co-worker)

We are not always in control of our feelings. These can arise anywhere, anytime, for anyone. This unpredictable and elusive side of love is what makes it all the magic.

But if your heart is already taken elsewhere, know that your decision will not only have an impact on you and your career, but will also affect the person who shares your life and, if applicable, your family.

Do not rush, you must first ask yourself THE essential question: “Am I ready to sacrifice my married life for this story?” Sometimes this question can raise others: “Where am I in my current relationship?” “Am I still happy and in love?” “What does this adventure bring me and what do I miss with my spouse?” It is possible that the crush you feel for your colleague is indicative of a malfunction in your relationship and allows it to be repaired.

3/ You have great professional ambitions (Secret relationship with a co-worker)

We all know – or imagine (thank you tv culture!) how it goes. A new arrival(e) canon, a few glances exchanged, a drunk evening followed by some rapprochements, and here you are engaged in a new relationship with your office neighbor. Except that… this story may be very nice, but you don’t want to compromise your professional future. Whether you are waiting for a promotion, you have been entrusted with important missions, or you are in the running for a management position, you have made the choice to focus on your career and that is your right.

Building a relationship at work can be perilous in this case, where your reputation and professionalism must remain intact.

The risk is all the greater if the object of your desires is a direct competitor for a position you covet. Similarly, if you are in love with a person outside the company, such as a customer, you can also think twice if you are bound by professional secrecy in front of this person. In any case, know that to live love at work is to accept to mix two spheres that usually do not meet!

4/ It’s just a love affair (Secret relationship with a co-worker)

The company, with its long list of implicit prohibitions, is in terms of seduction a very stimulating playground for those who like to face challenges and spice up their daily life. Looks, touches, two-way remarks, the scent of forbidden can make the situation very exciting. But beyond the distraction that flirting gives you, what is the real part of attraction between you and your colleague? Do you really want to succumb to temptation or is it the game of seduction that excites you? Do you project yourself with this person or is it a simple idyll that will lead nowhere, except to a mountain of worries? Is the risk benefit to your advantage? Moreover, are you sure that this a priori frolic without consequences represents the same thing for you and for the other person?

Simon’s story is evocative of the feeling of unease felt when flirting, hitherto innocent, became very real:

“We were two very complicit butt-in-train, never left to joke and laugh. There was some kind of play between us, but everything seemed to be under control. One day without warning she kissed me. Suddenly a limit was crossed, it became concrete. I had to think about what I really wanted. I then realized that I didn’t want to change the nature of our relationship. But on her side I know that she suffered, because she really believed that her feelings were divided. » (Secret relationship with a co-worker)

Fortunately in the office are also not born only stories without a future. Sometimes true and lasting loves can see the light of day at the photocopier. So take stock with yourself and your feelings before you commit or make hasty decisions.

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