The art of arguing
When you met it was Coup of lightning in Notting Hill. Today it is rather Blue Valentine. And after three years of living together, not taking your head for two weeks seems more than suspicious. From the simple tube of badly re-caught toothpaste to Cindy, her new Facebook recruit, every day you find material to vibrate your already well-trained vocal cords. You can try to take it upon yourself and not call him a “dirty pig” for a small, poorly washed knife that he put back in the cutlery bin… Instead, you tend to lose patience.
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What if the art of arguing was like a flame, it was maintained?
Ready to review these disputes?
The so-called “du-caleçon-balancé-à-côté-du-panier-à-linge” dispute
The cleaning, the races, the organization… All these activities, as annoying as they are, remain the number one trigger for romantic conflicts. According to a recent study, nearly one in four couples would explode for not taking the time to make the dust.
From the most aggressive to the most effective technique
Frontal attack ( The art of arguing )
Gently wait for him to come home to jump on her like a hysteric while pointing at her: “Are you serious there? Have you seen the state of the living room? It looks like a pigsty! I hope you have a good excuse.” Then designate your forehead by shouting more beautifully: “Isn’t Bo-bonne OKkkkkk?” Bravo, your darling will leave as quickly as he arrived to go drink pints with his friends and forget the really boring girl that you are.
Words that hurt
«You disgust me, you hear? You disgust me! I want to throw up when I see you” “You’re really a big pig, not even fucked up to clean a casserole”. Harsh words to hear and forget. That’s not how you’ll clean him up, but that’s how he’ll leave you with these kinds of sentences. It’s up to you to see what you want!
The frontal-subtle attack ( The art of arguing )
Explain to him in a hypocritically honeyed tone: “Honey, you know, the orange juice that you took out this morning, well, it would not be bad if you put it back gently in the fridge because there, in six hours, he had time to lose some vitamins”. On the one, this sentence is far too long and tiring to listen to. Of two, you can be sure that he will rush to his friend Wiki(pedia) to deny your falsely scientific remarks.
The sprinkler sprinkled
You use cunning so that he realizes that cleaning is boring, for everyone! But that it is important to have a minimum of hygiene. To do this, you decide not to wash anything anymore, you no longer touch a single sponge,any broom. You are very proud of yourself:“Niark niark, the apartment is starting to really be disgusting, he will not support it and will necessarily vacuum and put away his underpants and panties that hang out everywhere”. Ahahah do you think! Very quickly, you will find yourself caught in your own trap because it will take him a good month to react (men have a fairly high tolerance threshold when it comes to disorder. Except when it comes to their TV/car/motorcycle/computer).
The best ( The art of arguing )
Just put away your belongings and don’t touch his. You will thus make him aware that he has a share of responsibility for this infernal disorder. The guys are big kids: set up point shooting games: socks-underpants-laundry basket / Butter empty-toothpaste box … -trash. You can also congratulate him (in these difficult times, men need recognition): “Frankly, it’s even cleaner than when I do it. You see, when you put goodwill, you do things admirably! I love you! Thank you”
Or a little word of love: “My dear, I love you very much as you know and I would love you even more if you could just empty the dishwasher before I got home. Come on, it takes five minutes, I send you courage! ».
And finally, the compromise: “You wash the bathroom and the kitchen, I take care of the living room and the bedroom. Like that it’s fair (yes it takes at least that to Môôsieur for him to accept!). And then, we will extend the laundry together like that we will spend a moment in love” (because yes, extending the laundry, can become a moment of complicity if the two partners put theirs!).
The clash of the “jealous-I-am”
Jealousy, jealousy, why do you enter our lives? From the simple phone call to his colleague, to this last “connasse” met in the evening, you are bubbling from the inside holding back your bloody hatred. To finally become hysterical.
The frontal-hysterical attack ( The art of arguing )
Once again, you wait for him to come back to rush at her like a cat with rage, your slime flows and your red eyes come out of their orbits: “You think I didn’t see that you added a biatch on Facebook? Do you take me for a conne? yes yes yes I went to dig into your computer and so? I did well because I found some very interesting things! I read the private messages you sent him! yes yes yes I used your password so what? You have a trick to answer huh? Who is this whore huh? I hate you you hear that? And you braille, scream, cry, tap into the walls under his stunned gaze, before he replies, “It’s Laura, my colleague you’ve already met.”
The gentle attack
« I saw that you were talking to Lisa (a former friend of his) again. As you imagine, it really makes me shit. Why are you talking to him again? I’m not enough for you, you need to talk to other girls right? ». Do not forget that you also have friends guys and that yet, the only one who has exclusivity in your heart is HIM and not them!
The anti-glam attack
« Either you stop talking to him or you never hear about me again. No but it’s simple Marc, don’t think I’m playing because there, I’m really ready to bar myself. I prefer that rather than accept to be taken for a conne”. OOOhhh how ugly it is to blackmail!! Especially since you know for a fact that you will not leave it! It’s ugly, and you know it. You lose value on your own! It’s still a shame!
The diabolical parade ( The art of arguing )
Kindly you say to him: “No but darling, there is AUUNCCIINN worry. Just tell me who it is, you know me, I’m a little curious! But I swear I don’t mind you talking to him.” You reassure him about your intentions so that he finally admits: “it’s Julia, you know the girl that nanananaana”. That’s it, he confessed, you can finally explode: “Damn I was sure, you’re really a damn asshole, I hate you lalalilaloublablabla“.” This technique is simply diabolical, you will drive your friend crazy and it is he who may hate you (Yes, you are seriously starting to scare him).
You stop snooping everywhere and hurting yourself. Most of the time we are jealous of nonsense and we trigger violent arguments that should not take place. In which case, it is better not to say anything and calm down on your own. Take your pillow, dip your head in it and scream with all your strength. It feels good.
If really you have GOOD reasons to be jealous. Talk to him calmly as he tries to understand the situation. The more you shout, the more he will be silent,taking fear of breaking out a new wave of tension if he has the misfortune to release a sentence that will displease you.
The clash of the “J’en-ai-marre-de-tes-potes”
His friends, his friends, yes he loves them! His friends are his brothers of heart and tralalala. A good mix between The Hearts of Men and Dumb and Dumber. A friendship that you respect, until he cancels three appointments in a row to go comfort Bob who has just been dropped or go watch the game with Vincent who has already bought the Pizzas and who will not be able to eat them alone!
The I-cry-you-do-not-understand-me ( The art of arguing )
«Booouuuhh you do not understand that I suffer! I always pass after your friends! I need to see you more often me huh! I can no longer be loved, I don’t deserve that! Well, we stop melodrama. There, you make him even more want to join his famous friends! Keep your head up, swallow your pride a little!
The anti-glam attack
Blackmail,once again: “If you go on weekends with something and thing, you don’t see me again when you come back! It’s DEAD! I’m not the boniche who will kindly wait for you at home believe me! ». Your guy will simply feel like he has to make a choice that has no place to exist and maybe you will win, that he will not go to make this weekend. But he will feel completely frustrated and oppressed and will start thinking about leaving his jailer; you.
Words not to say
«I point out to you that I should come before your friends!” Yes, in his heart perhaps. But in reality, no. And this, for the good health of your couple! He needs to see his friends, as you see yours.
The best ( The art of arguing )
Valentine, 26, confided to me his secret: “Before he went out all the time. So I started doing the same. I often went out with my friends, super well dressed, glamorous and made up to perfection, and remained mysterious about my evenings. After a few weeks, he began to panic. I think he was afraid that I would meet someone. So, he calmed down level outs even if he was still doing some. He even started to invite me to the restaurant again! ». I think the real secret is that you have to enjoy your evenings! Do not do it just to worry him or make him jealous, but above all, to please you!
The so-called “I-want-that-we-get-confused-today” dispute
Based on “you don’t love me anymore” or the“you remember last time what I told you? Bah I’m always off (like, I take the latest source of conflict and put it back on the table. yes, I want too much to sulk there,I don’t know what’s happening to me). What can I say? Except that it’s ridiculous but that we’ve all already done it? Nothing to do! It would be a little simple to say to you: “stop buuuudderrr”.
The clash of the “tic-obsessive”
Your guy has a minor defect but one that, over time, has become unbearable for you. He turns his hair, makes this famous mouth noise when he eats, whistles all day, takes all the hot water in the morning . In short, nothing serious in itself.
The anti-glam parade
« Hold darling, so take this handkerchief, you begin to disgust me with your sniffings ». Unbearable and infantilizing.
The thing not to do ( The art of arguing )
I had the misfortune to cut the wick that my boyfriend kept whiring, it stressed me. But he was unhappy without her I think. Worse, throw away your guy’s pack of, so you don’t fear death?
Set up a “game”: a pool in common. Every time its ugly defect reappears, a one-euro coin will be poured into the pink pig. Of course, you will do the same for your faults!
If nothing does, you will have to live with it. In the end, it is not worse,it will force him to no longer grumble for the many tubes of toothpaste that you will not have rebouched or for your foundation that has made the trunk on his new white T-shirt!
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