things not to do with a manipulator in love
Are you in a relationship with a manipulator or a narcissistic pervert? Here are 5 things not to do with a manipulator in love.
I know how difficult it is, already, to realize that we are in a relationship with a manipulator. I invite you to read our article: how to recognize a manipulator in love?
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I am also aware that when we deal with this type of characters, we tend to adopt certain behaviors… That only make things worse or stagnate.
5 things not to do with a manipulator in love
1/ Try to make him aware of what he is
If you are a person strong and sharp enough to have detected in him his manipulative behavior, you will tend to want to try to help him.
You will therefore position yourself as a Savior (cf: Karpman triangle or dramatic triangle). Indeed, although he has a manipulative behavior, you feel empathy for him and really want to help him get better. You want him to realize that his behaviors are toxic to him and his loved ones. And for you, of course.
You’re going to lose your energy trying to save that individual who can’t be saved. Manipulators and especially narcissistic perverts excel in the areas of denial and bad faith. You may try to find the arguments that would hit the nail on the head on all normally constituted people. On him, it doesn’t work!
2/ Try to get the upper hand on him (things not to do with a manipulator in love)
Seeing that he dominates you, you want to fight and show him who the boss is. So you will try to swap the roles so that he ends up in your position as Victim and you as Executioner.
But it can’t work. You don’t play in the same course both. If you are dealing with a narcissistic pervert, never forget that he is devoid of empathy. Everything you are going to put him through, at best, will annoy him. He will put the blame on you and you will always end up feeling guilty. Because you are “normal”.” And that it is not. It’s like fighting a robot that has taken on a human appearance.
Also, this desire to dominate it reveals a certain fragility of self-esteem. Do not get into power games with him, you will destroy yourself by playing this dangerous game.
3/ Find excuses for him (things not to do with a manipulator in love)
This is a rather banal reaction of the victims of manipulators and other narcissistic perverts. He told you about his tumultuous past, his difficult childhood, his abandonment… You will never know if this is true or not but in any case, you were complaining about it.
The poor man, he became like that because his parents made him go through this… It is not his fault that he acts in this way, it is the others who have made him a monster…
Stop! You must not under any circumstances attempt to justify unjustifiable behavior. Even though he actually had a difficult childhood, horrible parents ect. This does not excuse in any way but in no way the fact that he behaves in this way with you.
And, the more excuses you find for him, the more you will give him the power to destroy you a little more. (things not to do with a manipulator in love)
4/ Mistakenly think that it will change
I know, it’s very tempting to think that he’s going to change and become the extraordinary man of the beginnings again. But no, he’s a manipulator. He is in such deep denial that he will never be able to become aware of his actions. And, not being able to become aware of his actions, he will obviously not be able to change.
Do not naively delude yourself. Even if it is difficult, you must write off any changes. Your only possibility to regain your freedom is to get rid of this narcissistic pervert.
5/ Stay and be afraid of him (things not to do with a manipulator in love)
Having had relatives under the mental influence of narcissistic perverts, I am aware that it is a thousand times easier to write than to do. But it is important that you are aware of this.
The more you are afraid of him, the more you will give in to his manipulations and other emotional blackmail ,the greater his grip on you will be.
You have to leave, get help. Don’t keep building your life in a relational prison. Even less so if you have children! You will need courage and good shoulders on which you can rest. Many also resort to justice.
