worst mistakes made in your romantic relationship
Let me guess, at the beginning of the year, you have played the game of new resolutions.
You, too, are following the trend. You took advantage of January to set your goals for 2022.
« I want to pay attention to what I eat and get back to sports ” or “I want to flourish at work” or “This year, I will take my sentimental life in hand”.
It’s great. You are quite right to set goals for the new year. The time is right.
Unfortunately (if you’re like me), your projects rarely come to fruition. Upon arrival, you set goals that you don’t achieve.
Your love life is no exception to the rule. (worst mistakes made in your romantic relationship)
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In your relationship, you make a commitment to get more of what you want. For example, spending more time together, stopping arguing or finding the perfect partner (if you are alone).
Only here, your desires in love do not come true and you end up frustrated by the situation. Month after month, year after year, you suffer the same disillusionments in love. To the point, where you end up sabotaging yourself.
Why do you think you are stuck in this infernal whirlwind?
I will give you my opinion. History repeats itself, because from the beginning you make 2 classic mistakes in love.
If you are honest with yourself, then you will agree with me: you are where you are today, because you are making one or other of these mistakes. (worst mistakes made in your romantic relationship)
No shame to have.
I observe these mistakes in all the people I meet for their marital problems. No one is exempt from this. Not even me. I have been committed them for many years. And, I continue to commit them in other areas of my life.
These 2 errors, which you will discover, prevent you from moving forward. Because of them, your love for each other slowly decreases until you push you towards breaking or isolating.
No matter the result, your couple will become disappointing, so you lose heavy to continue like this.
Let’s see right away what I’m talking about. (worst mistakes made in your romantic relationship)
Error #1: You wait for time to pass
I will get straight to the point.
Your couple is struggling, because you hope that the situation improves. That’s all. You stop there. You do nothing more than hope.
I may surprise you, but hoping that your relationship is better does not change your relationship at all.
Yes yes, I am serious.
The mere fact of hoping that your sentimental life is renewed in X Y Z is not enough.
I remain convinced that deep down, you still imagine living a flourishing relationship with your partner. Oh yes, that to believe it you believe in it. Even very strong. (worst mistakes made in your romantic relationship)
In reality: this relationship will not fall from the sky. It is being built. Believing in it is not enough. Your actions must follow your thoughts, for only actions will turn your wishes into reality.
I know this because I too have fallen into this trap.
For many years, I have hoped that the conflicts with my darling would end, that we would stop the violent criticism of each other and that our relationship would definitely improve to give us a sparkling life for both of us.
I prayed that my dream would come true. Without acting differently and questioning my love patterns.
I was just hoping. Nothing more.
In your opinion, has my relationship improved over time? Not in the least. In fact, the opposite is true. My relationship has deteriorated terribly.
Until the day I made the commitment to take action (for real) to save my couple. At that moment, I started experimenting with new love possibilities.
I was still going through uncomfortable situations, as painful as before, but I felt the change. Our intimacy, our conversations, our arguments evolved.
Our love for one another was growing. (worst mistakes made in your romantic relationship)
Gradually, the spark was rekindled. And, when that happens, believe me, you savor all the energy spent to get there.
You are proud.
You start building something strong, solid for yourself and your partner.
Of course, taking action is essential, but we still need to know how to do it.
Otherwise, you may fall into another trap just as dangerous as the first.
Mistake #2: You miss the most important (worst mistakes made in your romantic relationship)
The other mistake you make is to want to treat your marital problems the same way you treat your illnesses.
What do you do when you get a migraine?
You gather your favorite medications, tea, herbs, vitamin C and everything you have on hand to alleviate the pain.
Oh yes, you’re tapping into your latest resources to silence this migraine at all costs. I understand what you are. A headache is never pleasant.
But there is a good chance that you are doing absolutely nothing to tackle the root cause of this migraine. You do nothing to strengthen your immune system sustainably.
However, let us agree, the idea is to get sick less and less often, right? You are not only looking to put out the fire when it breaks out, but to reduce (if possible completely) the risk of fire.
The same idea applies to your romantic relationship.
But then again, when things get tougher between you and your partner, you demand a quick fix. You will sometimes consult a therapist without a specific goal, you read a book on life for two or you snoops on the Net to find the incredible article that will make your problems disappear in 24 hours. (worst mistakes made in your romantic relationship)
You are just passing the ointment on your little bobos. But make no mistake, this approach does not get to the heart of the matter.
Yes, consulting a therapist is beneficial. He will help you take a step back from the situation, but it is rare that he gives you a step-by-step plan to get there. Often, the sessions last for several months or even years.
Finally, you are torn between a quick approach, which does not deal with the root of the problem, and a long-term approach that struggles to give you the way forward.
However, there must be a happy medium.
In 2018, are you ready to try another approach?
To begin with, try to follow the example of people who succeed in what they do. That is, set achievable and measurable goals.
And above all, give yourself the means (move) to achieve them.
For example, a realistic goal in your relationship will NOT look like this: “I never want to argue with my sweetheart again.”
A realistic goal will look more like this: “I want to learn how to manage my conflicts better. That way, I could get more of what I want in my relationship (re-establishing the connection, more hugs, more fulfilling activities, etc.)
Once your goals are set, then you can target a book, training or any proven resource that will teach you the right strategy to learn how to better manage your conflicts.
Please do not just hope that the situation improves on its own.
You will save time.
Also stop playing the firefighter by extinguishing the fires. You will end up losing patience.
Instead, start by learning how to build a solid foundation in your relationship using practical methods that allow you to achieve your goals.
They exist. They are simple and widely accessible. Promised, I tell you about it in my next article on talking about love.
2018 is the year when you regain control of your sentimental life.
You will experience a deep relief, immense pride and the feeling of having accomplished something great for YOU!
