When to meet your in-laws?
When you get into a relationship and the relationship seems to become serious, certain steps follow one another, more or less naturally. Sleeping at one’s house, declaring love, going on weekends and then on vacation, introducing friends, settling down together.
Among all these stages inherent in a couple who wants to engage in a love story, there is that of official presentations with their in-laws. And the question we can ask ourselves is: when to meet your in-laws? Is there a deadline? Is it a decision to make as a couple? Here are some answers.
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When to meet your in-laws?
When to take the plunge? Besides, is there a special moment to make this famous first meeting with the in-laws?
What if there were no fixed rules on this subject strictly speaking, and it was enough to do things naturally, when “we feel it”?
A deadline specific to each one?
Some consider presentations to be an informal or not at all mandatory thing, and this is done without prompt warning after a few weeks. Others, most, do not mix their love lives and their families,especially their parents. Also they live their relationship at their own pace and they prefer to wait to see what it gives to consider a meeting. So it can take several months,or even a year or more if your in-laws live away from your partner.
Indeed, the presentation with the in-laws is closely linked to the family mode of operation of your darling. Does he often see his parents? Are they close? Accomplices? Depending on their family relationship, the meeting will take place more or less quickly and more or less officially.
Do not rush anything before deciding when to meet your in-laws
If there is one thing that most couples agree on, it is that there is no point in rushing and burning the steps. It is first important to build your couple before giving it another dimension. After, depending on the situation, the delay is more or less long. Indeed, if your partner lives with his parents, the meeting will certainly be quick even if it is informal at the beginning to exchange a simple hello. But from there to spend a real time together around a meal, it can be good to wait a little. Avoiding presenting your conquest the day after the first night is a good advice. That would indeed be hasty and awkward for everyone.
So if your darling wants to grill the steps, do not hesitate to tell him that it is a little fast and that nothing is pressing. It is better to be as presentable as possible to face this moment always a little stressful. The ideal is that everyone talks about their couple to their parents to prepare the ground beforehand when they feel that the relationship is becoming serious. Talking about it one-on-one with your parents is the first step before official presentations, it’s a good way to proceed.
A matter of feelings
Obviously, you do not normally go as far as meeting your in-laws if you already know that your story will not last and that you have no feelings for the other. This would be dishonest and hypocritical on your part, it would not only cause a waste of time for everyone but would do a lot of harm to your partner. On both sides, therefore, you have to take into consideration your feelings to know if they are strong enough to take the next step. Talking together is the best way to know if the time has come for both of you to meet your in-laws.
A tip above all, do not do anything against your will. If you feel that it’s still a little early, that you don’t feel ready yet, be honest with the other. It is a great proof of trust and love to open the door of your family to the person with whom you are in a relationship, so do not make him regret his choice. If you are just afraid, he or she will be able to de-stress you and reassure you. If it seems unthinkable to you at the moment, do not lie to him and tell him why and how you feel.
When to meet your in-laws?
Consider the end of your previous relationship
Sometimes you don’t feel able to meet your in-laws or have your new partner meet your family because of their emotional past. It is a symbolic milestone, which can be important to pass for some, and for this we must be sure of ourselves at all levels.
Plus if your parents were attached to your ex, there’s no point in rushing things. It is more reasonable and above all healthier for everyone to wait a little. If your partner wants to introduce you to his parents while the place of his ex at the table in the family home is still “hot”, do not hesitate to tell him that nothing is pressing and that you do not want to suffer from any comparison. In many situations, time is the best solution. So let’s pass a little bit, some time. You are not a month away.
A question of age?
How old are you both? Is this your first serious relationship, the first official presentation to in-laws? Or on the contrary, you have been in your twenties for a long time, maybe you have even been married in the past and it is for each of you to rebuild your life after your divorce? Solo parents, are you considering a blended family life?
Depending on your age, and your previous family situation, the meeting does not have the same importance or the same impact. When you’re just out of adolescence or still a young student, you’re diving into the unknown. The notion of in-laws is a little fuzzy and we rely a lot on each other to reassure ourselves.
On the other hand, if you already have a certain maturity, a sentimental life behind you, one or more meetings with in-laws to your credit, you can take things with more distance. As young people, the presentation often has the value of formalization and validation on the part of parents. After a certain age, you no longer consider their opinion with the same importance.
The best thing is that things go well, especially if there are children in the story, so take the time to talk to your respective parents before, to see if your couple is strong before you get started. Don’t forget each on your side that this is not the first time you’ve introduced someone to your family.
A value of mutual commitment? (When to meet your in-laws?)
As has been said, meeting your in-laws is in a way an additional and essential step in the officialization of your couple. It is a proof of solidity of your relationship, sincerity, and therefore necessarily commitment. You are not going to agree to meet them if you do not plan for the future with their child. And conversely, it wouldn’t occur to you to introduce your partner to your parents if you thought you would leave him two days later.
If some families are very relaxed about this and a meeting can remain informal and good-natured, it is up to you to know how important this meeting represents for you. How do you work? And your family? So what symbol does a meeting with your in-laws have for you? Your personal and family values, those you share in your couple and those of your partner must come together in order to define the importance to be given to this meeting. Depending on whether it should take a year, or whether you feel ready to take this step after just a few months.
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