How to make a man talk about his problems?
If you clicked on the article, chances are I’m not wrong in telling you that you often argue right now. The reason for these disputes? You are looking to make your man talk as he closes more and more like an oyster. Good news (or not): it’s normal!
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My man doesn’t talk about his problems
I immersed myself in the famous book Men Come from Mars, the Women of Venus by John Gray. And, if this book is necessarily filled with generalities, we still find ourselves very often! John Gray opposes men and women, let us prefer here to talk about the Martians and the Venusians. How to make a man talk about his problems?
In the book, John Gray explains that faced with a problem, the Martians will tend to close themselves, to ground themselves in their cave when the Venusians will want to pour out on their problems and find a listening ear that listens to them.
Pierre and Elisa, as a couple, both had a complicated day at work. Pierre collapses on the couch on his way home and turns on the TV, he needs to be quiet to relax. As soon as she arrives, Elisa begins to tell her day, she needs to externalize to relax. Pierre barely listens to him, annoyed,not understanding his wife’s need to tell all his day. The tension increases. Elisa, on the other hand, feels totally neglected because she can see that her husband does not listen to her. The evening will be even more tense simply because the two partners do not work the same and do not realize it,unable to understand the behavior of the other.
“Men lock themselves in their caves and women chat” (How to make a man talk about his problems?)
This is chapter 3 of the book Men come from Mars, the women from Venus. The author has devoted a whole chapter on this “phenomenon” to tell you how much it exists in many couples and in a very common way!
“When this goes wrong, the Martians lock themselves in their cave to solve the problems on their own.”
“When things go wrong, Venus women openly discuss their problems with each other.”
The big difference is that men will seek to find a solution while women simply seek relief by telling their problems to someone who is trustworthy and able to understand them.
Moreover, when women tell their darlings about their problems, it is for them a proof of love: I trust you, I love you so I tell you my worries. Except that this is not at all how the proof of love is received by man. When his wife “complains”, the man will immediately think that she is waiting for a SOLUTION. And, not being able to provide it to him, to solve his problems, man will feel humiliated and powerless, which will only generate even more palpable tensions. (How to make a man talk about his problems?)
My man doesn’t tell me about his problems and it hurts my heart
Since when the woman tells her husband about her problems, she sees it as a sign of confidence, it is normal for her to feel hurt when the latter never tells her about his own.
When a Venusian tells of her problems, she expects only one thing: for her husband to listen to her. So, mechanically, she will think that when he has problems, he will also want to be listened to and that’s how it gets tough!
When your man is bothered, the best help you can offer him is to respect his will not to want to talk about it. “But talk about it, it will do you good, you must not keep the problems to yourself, after it rots!” These are the types of sentences that Venusians can say in those moments without realizing that they are speaking for themselves. (How to make a man talk about his problems?)
Thus, respecting the private cavern of his partner and making him feel his confidence in his ability to find solutions alone to his problems, is THE key to avoid arguments and to show him your love. Once the problem is solved, he will be much more attentive and open to dialogue. Men preferring to talk about their problems once they have managed to solve them.
Don’t question yourself (How to make a man talk about his problems?)
This operation is NORMAL and ultra frequent, the whole thing is to understand it so that it does not bother you. Read this article or John Gray’s book regularly to remind yourself of it and not blame your spouse.
“As a rule, a woman who gives a man advice that he has not sought or tries to ‘help’ him when he has not asked for anything does not suspect how critical and unsyingly she may seem to him.” J. Gray
Resenting your darling because he doesn’t tell you about his problems is like he’s resenting you because you’re talking about yours.
Some men, with a more Venusian side, will easily pour out their feelings while other women, more Martian, will close. The whole thing is to understand the functioning of the other, it is just as essential as to understand the language of the love of his partner.
So when my man doesn’t speak, I leave him in his corner? (How to make a man talk about his problems?)
exactly! It’s not always easy but remember that by letting him ruminate alone, this is where you prove your love to him.
If you are experiencing it really badly, I invite you to write him a letter in which you will explain to him that you understand his desire not to mention his problems while reminding him that you remain present.
I can see that lately are not easy for you. I know you don’t like to talk about your problems but if ever the urge took you know that I am entirely there and available to you. If you really don’t want to tell me about it, there’s no worry, it’s your choice and I respect it. ».
When writing this little word, he will surely answer you “Indeed it’s not going strong, your message touches me it’s nice but I actually don’t want to talk about it.” But, just this little sentence will often be enough to reassure you.
Never forget: when a man does not tell you about his problems it is absolutely not because he does not like you or does not consider you, it is his way of managing it!
Some very interesting excerpts from the book Men come from Mars, the women of Venus
“In general, when women try to tell them about their problems, men rebuff each other because they mistakenly imagine that they are doing so because they hold them responsible for their misfortunes. As a result, the more worries mentioned, the more they come up against. They don’t realize that they’re just looking for a compassionate ear. »
“Martians express their problems only in two cases: when they want to reproach someone, and when they seek advice.”
“Unfortunately, their obsession with solutions leads men to suffer when women talk about insoluble problems, or at least they are unable to solve such as: I am poorly paid / My aunt Louise is very sick and every year her condition worsens / Our house is really too small… »
“Just as the man is satisfied with the development of a perfect solution down to the smallest detail, the woman flourishes by recounting her worries with almost surgical precision.”
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