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The passive-aggressive in love

We must recognize that human beings excel at aggression, we only have to look at wars but also at the simple fights that we regularly encounter around the corner. But if there is one virtue to pure and simple aggression, it is that it is unambiguous. Whereas, when you meet a passive-aggressive person, it is difficult for you to say whether or not he is aggressive. We will see in this article the passive-aggressive in love (and not only for that matter), with the 6 signs to spot it.


Passive aggression: the sneaky little cousin of classical aggression

It Passive aggression is there, but not really; you see it, and yet, no. It is aggression as a vapor: difficult to identify, impossible to grasp. We recognize it in the colleague with the pronounced spirit of competition, who would never confront us directly but omits, by accident, to add our name to the mail grouped about an important meeting. It is the spouse who, usually punctual, takes hours to prepare for the day you choose the film. Sometimes there is a very innocent explanation for this, but often not – and the aggressive-passives themselves may well not know what case it is. (The passive-aggressive in love)


Clinicians disagree as to whether this can be described as a personality disorder,similar to narcissism or paranoia, for example, but they agree on the symptoms that manifest it: a deliberate lack of effectiveness, avoidance of responsibility, and the refusal to express one’s needs or reservations in a direct way.

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The passive-aggressive in love: 6 signs to spot it

In love, or at work or in friendship for that matter, here are 6 signs to spot a passive-aggressive!

1/ The passive-aggressive does things halfway

The passive-aggressive are the champions of the almost finished work: the part repainted except the moldings; clean linen, but not folded; the dishwasher filled, except for cutlery. (The passive-aggressive in love)

This is a clever trick. Indeed, this is to leave a task just unfinished enough that the person can not criticize it (otherwise, it would look really picky). Thus, this other person will fold the laundry and put the cutlery in the dishwasher, for the millionth time.


The passive-aggressive is the king of false compliments (The passive-aggressive in love)

Complimenting is easy. It can even be fun. Here are some examples of nice compliments: “Great your new cut!” or “Too good your soup!” Here are some examples of less nice compliments: “Great your new cut – I had the same one in college,” or “Too good your soup – It’s hardly smelling all this coriander.”

The type of compliments on which the passive-aggressive person will choose is no secret, and it is often just out of a competitive spirit. If you’re not sure what kind of compliment you’ve just received, ask yourself what you’d like to say: if you want to say “thank you,” that’s probably a good compliment. If you rather feel the urge to run away from the room screaming, not so much.

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3/ The passive-aggressive uses and abuses silence (The passive-aggressive in love)

Chaaa… Do you hear? No? exactly. This is the noise of someone passive-aggressive who is irritated by something.

If you’re angry about something a friend or family member has done, you might say, “I’m angry because of what you’ve done.” A passive-aggressive person would rather say: [NOTHING].


Silence is the favorite strategy of passive-aggressive, and it’s not hard to understand why. We don’t say anything, but it says a lot. It is a way to ostensibly avoid a conflict while causing one in reality, the lack of communication serving as a mockery and provocation.

4/ The passive-aggressive wants things while saying that he will never have them (The passive-aggressive in love)

What would be nice if the passive-aggressive stopped saying with a dreamy air what they want before immediately concluding – and always out loud – that this is probably not going to happen. But I guess that’s too much to ask. You see what I just did? It’s annoying, isn’t it? I could have said, “Hey! Passive-aggressive! You now stop with your wishes aloud. »

If you feel like you’ve heard something similar in your life before – “It would be great if you could tell me more often that you love me, but I guess that’s too much to ask” – you can safely bet that somewhere around you will be a passive-aggressive. The goal, of course, is to get an idea across and then immediately reject it – thereby offloading the responsibility of making it happen to you.

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5/ The passive-aggressive loves sabotage

It’s not hard to recognize the villain in a movie. It is the one who traffics the brakes of the hero’s car, or who enters the offending lines of code into the computer. Passive-aggressive may not go that far, but you see where they find their inspiration. These work clothes that your husband to send with the rest to the dry cleaner the day before you leave for the business trip about which you had argued?


6/ Passive-aggressive uses disguised insults (The passive-aggressive in love)

The social contract under which the rest of the world lives contains a special provision that the passive-aggressive have put there just for them. Typically, it comes in the form of a phrase with a “but,” like: “I wouldn’t want to be mean, but…” “I hope you don’t find me insensitive to say that, but… “It’s not to criticize, but… » After which comes the wicked, insensitive, or critical part.

Managing passive-aggressive

If you are a victim of passive aggression, be aware that there are a few simple strategies to manage it. First, remember that you’re not crazy/crazy. If you see a recurring pattern, it’s probably that it exists. So answer – and know that it is good to draw clear boundaries.

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