My husband is not romantic: a moving testimony

My husband is not romantic

There is one thing that often opposes the most close-knit couples and the most in love, it is the lack of romanticism on the part of the man in the couple. The relationship can be healthy, harmonious, sincere, the lack of attention, the absence of demonstrative words or gestures can be frustrating for the wife of a non-romantic man. 

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To fall in love with a man like that is to accept him with this defect. But over time, it can weigh. Over the years, it is normal to hope for something else, to feel a frustration, to be tired of being the only one to bring to her couple this cocoon of tenderness and romanticism. So how to manage everyday life with a man who is not very demonstrative and not romantic? How can we make things evolve or find other sources of complicity? To accept it? Here’s a testimony about it: even though I know he loves me, my husband is not romantic.

Testimonial: my husband is not romantic

“When I fell in love with him years ago, I knew for a fact that I had not met Prince Charming in the romantic sense of the word. The one who would later become my partner and then my husband is a sincere and upright man of whom I have never doubted.

But for all that, he never integrated what it means to be romantic. I think he just doesn’t know how to do it.

When I talk about romanticism, I’m not saying that I expect huge bouquets of red roses, candlelit dinners and flaming love letters from my husband every week. Absolutely not.

No, when I talk about my husband’s non-romanticism, I think especially of all those little touches that a woman loves and that he seems totally devoid of.

All these little touches. (My husband is not romantic)

The little SMS of good morning day? The one of good night in the evening if we are not together that night? The “I love you” whispered in the ear? The compliment when I’m wearing a new dress? The homemade dinner made by him when I return late from a big day of work?

All these little things, these little things, which do good, which simply make you happy, I hardly know them.

In years of living together, marrying and then family life, I can almost count on the fingers of the hand the number of times my husband has made me a romantic surprise.

However, I know that he loves me and that our couple is important to him.

Only, showing it is not his forte. It is like a blockage, as if he were incapable of doing so. It’s not even that he doesn’t want to, it’s that he doesn’t think about it, that he doesn’t know how to go about being demonstrative and verbalizing his feelings.

Is this modesty? Does he find this unnecessary? Or does he think it’s a lack of manhood, an admission of weakness, a mark of submission?

Perhaps it is all of these at once. Or maybe he doesn’t know it himself, well he never bothered to ask himself about it for a long time.

Only, as time passed, our couple built, even though I fell in love with him in knowledge of this facet of his personality, I needed to understand.

And I also wanted that to change. (My husband is not romantic)

The frustration became too strong, the lack too great and I was tired of being the only one to maintain the flame of our history with small touches, sweet words and surprises.

Even though he loved me and showed it to me in his own way, it wasn’t enough for me anymore. I had the feeling that he had settled in a comfort zone that suited him very well, that for him everything was taken for granted and that he therefore had no reason to change anything. This is despite our discussions on the subject.

What for? Because I continued to do things for two, to take the initiatives to create our moments of complicity. I realized that I was doing my own misfortune.

In the end it is by changing my way of being that I made my couple evolve. I took it upon myself but I stopped these little attentions for a few weeks. No more small messages from me, no more proposals for outings for two. I went on strike. And I waited for a reaction from him.

His awareness was not total or immediate, but he understood things.

Because he lacked my lack of attention, which highlighted what he was depriving me of.

Of course, my husband will never be the most caring man in the world. He will not turn into prince charming or romantic hero overnight. And I accept that.

But we have found a balance and today he even manages to surprise me at times. »