Recoupling
Do you know the term “recoupling”? It is an Anglicism to designate the idea of giving oneself a second chance as a couple. They are therefore couples who separate and then get back together after a more or less long period of separation. But why go back with your ex if it didn’t work? What is the interest and what are the benefits? Each couple has its reasons, some get back together for purely physical reasons, others because they can’t really find love again, others remark outright or others simply have a tumultuous relationship from the start that alternates breakups and reconciliations! So recoupling, good or bad idea? It’s up to you to make up your mind!
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Recoupling: Good or bad idea?
Separating to find each other better?
Many couples experience lows in their relationship. The daily routine, the routine of work and children have a lot to do with it. We let ourselves be gained little by little by this life by leaving the couple aside and the romantic relationship is greatly affected. Some couples who can no longer find solutions and can no longer agree because of all these reasons end up separating. At this moment, neither of them finds another way to fix things, they think that they have reached the end of their relationship.
Once separated this is where they begin to open their eyes. They tell themselves that maybe there was something to do, that they gave up too quickly and they feel a lack of the other. They also realize that love is still there… So they get back in touch little by little, put things flat and find themselves gently, as at the beginning trying not to make the same mistakes and to start again on a good basis. To do this, we must “mourn” the old history even if neither of them obviously forgets, but it is important to make a clean sweep of the past and look to the future.
A second chance for a new story
At a time when divorce is no longer exceptional, when we separate too quickly and for the wrong reasons, recoupling finally seems almost banal. Many couples have already faced this situation, regardless of their age. Some find themselves quickly, others take longer, there are no rules. A second chance is therefore sometimes the solution to problems. Some couples arrive at the time of divorce with their respective lawyers to settle their separation and in the end the words are released and the divorce becomes almost a marital therapy.
Everyone learns from their own mistakes and sees more clearly. Anger and resentment disappear to give way to regret and sadness. The couple therefore gives themselves a second chance and feels stronger and more mature. Despite everything, we must be vigilant because succeeding in our second chance and rewriting a new story is not always easy, we must not reproduce the same pattern and do not forget either that the entourage was upset by this ephemeral separation. So be patient because the old grievances are still present and only ask to arise again if you go too fast.
A stronger couple where the “bad” becomes the “good”
The reproaches were often the same and more and more regular: “you work too much”, “you don’t look at me anymore”, “you let yourself go”, “there is only one for the children”, “we don’t both do anything anymore”. These hurtful little phrases had become daily and were slowly but surely shattering your couple.
You felt frustrated, angry, neglected and more desired. The incomprehension was total in your couple, you sometimes had the impression of living in a roommate, no more words of love, tenderness and hugs of the early times. All this leads you directly to divorce, you have the impression that communication is broken and that there is no other alternative. And then, just make this divorce concrete so that you open your eyes each on your own.
Why did you get to this point? For so little and for trifles? What seemed unlivable to you a few months earlier seems to you to be bickering today. You realize that bad times can easily turn into positive. Separating finally helps to do a job on yourself and to realize what you have just lost, the essentials and the lack that it is creating. The “bad” becomes “the good” and your couple comes out of it grown and stronger.
The environment difficult to manage during a recoupling
So we see a lot of positives in the recoupling but it is obvious that there are also bad sides and managing the entourage is one of them. Most separated couples who give their story a second chance encounter a first difficulty: to get their entourage to accept this decision. It is indeed difficult to make them admit after all these difficult moments, sometimes very violent disputes, that you are giving yourself a chance and that happiness can make its appearance again.
With or without children, family and friends will necessarily get involved. Everyone will agree: some will be very critical and defeatist,others will be very happy for you. And if you have children the reaction can also be very varied. It is sometimes difficult for children to experience this retrograde step when they had already had great difficulty in overcoming the separation. There is a strong fear that this will happen again.
Anyway you know that you will have a hard time reaffirming to those around you that everything you have criticized in your ex is finally forgiven and forgotten. You will need a lot of persuasive power and surely concrete evidence for your close circle to believe in it. Now, if your loved ones only want your happiness, they will understand your decision and support you, even if it takes them a little time.
Don’t go too fast and learn from your mistakes
For the reunion to go well and especially that it lasts it will be imperative to take stock of your failure and learn from your mistakes. You can not resume as before since, let’s be logical, it is your habits and the “before” that caused the breakup of your couple. Things have to change, you too have to change. It is necessary to reinvent oneselfas a couple and for this it is imperative that everyone has done a work on himself and recognized his mistakes.
To get out of this crisis, you must show lucidity and maturity. The other you miss it’s a fact, you realized that it was the man or woman of your life it’s perfect. But be careful not to forget either everything that made you leave at one time. Idealizing the other will not move you forward. Communicate, put things flat, go slowly. You have the advantage of knowing the qualities and defects of the other and vice versa so do not repeat the same mistakes.
And the recoupling in the long term?
So here’s the long-awaited and dreaded question… In the long run, can recoupling work? The answer is probably yes, but under certain conditions. As said before, it is vital to evolve and question oneself so as not to repeat the same mistakes
Here are some more concrete tips: never be afraid to say “I love you” and especially to prove it by many attentions,do not try to change the other,leave independence to the other and for oneself, be present and tender, communicate constantly, do not let the daily life and routine nibble you, be attentive to the other and his couple …
Succeeding in your recoupling, your second chance is a job of every moment but as for every couple relationship. Love is not a long quiet river, everyone will have understood it!
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