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Couple disputes

Couple arguments are completely normal. Do you know a single couple who are never argued? Living with the same person on a daily basis necessarily requires compromises, a rhythm of life that is not ours and to which we must adapt.

Maybe I’ll teach you something: all couples argue!

Having conflicts allows us to go further and question our a priori. Running away from them and avoiding them is harmful because it will only result in an accumulation of stress and resentment that will, unfortunately, sooner or later, reappear with loss and crash.

Arguments are therefore not to be banned even if it causes stress and self-questioning as to whether we are well made to be together. But beware! It must not become recurrent to the point that your only way to express yourself is to raise your voice… Because by force, you will see the other as an enemy who only seeks to make problems instead of taking care of yourself and loving you as it should be done in a couple.

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« The dispute feeds the dispute and engulfs those who immerse themselves in it. »  Couple disputes

When we argue, listening becomes non-existent. We become two completely separate entities that defend their position as an undeniable fact that requires no compromise. This lack of consideration pushes us to denigrate the point of view of the other who no longer has any interest and no longer deserves our attention.

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To limit the breakage I always recommend never trying to assert at all costs his point of view when the dispute breaks out. Instead of wanting to impose one’s point of view at all costs, it is necessary to reconsider the situation together, both in calm and reflection.

It is imperative to talk all the time and broach any subject in order to get used to understanding his point of view and his way of seeing, which necessarily differs from yours. Couple disputes

The arguments are due to an accumulation of frustrations for days, weeks and this is the straw that breaks the camel’s back. So that the latter remains intact learn to speak and not wait until you are at the abscess stage to do so. Learn to say things nicely because otherwise you will quickly be hurtful and brit with words that exceed your thought but have had time to hit the other in his esteem.

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So if you don’t want to kill your relationship and your love: learn to listen and express yourself.

The game of “each in turn”

I often offer my clients this method to reduce the impact of arguments and learn to listen to the other with respect by allowing him to express his emotions calmly: (Couple disputes)

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When you feel that the argument is breaking out you both decide to keep quiet and choose together which of the two people will speak first. The other will not be able to express himself and will be forced to listen.

This will force you to open your listening skills and help dialogue take hold despite the underlying conflict.

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The reformulation game Couple disputes

Choose a topic and ask the other to express themselves fully. When it’s done, rephrase what you’ve figured out to make sure you’re both on the same page. Learn to offer your help if you feel a blockage or questions.

It is not so much our differences or disagreements that hurt, but the way we express them. In the majority of cases we start by wanting to explain ourselves on a subject of discord and then after a few minutes we find ourselves shouting and shouting. What for? Because we don’t feel understood! Because the other does not bring us the attention and esteem we desire.

What could have been a simple discussion to help us find an agreement in the mutual acceptance of our differences, degenerates into cries and confrontations. We must break the confrontation in the bud. When you feel the anger rise, when you see the other person change their behavior: stop talking and take a moment to think about what you are going to say. (Couple disputes)

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Take a real and frank break in order to bring down the negativity. A few moments are enough to speak again in a calmer tone combining respect and love for the other. These short periods of silence help calm anger and help communication regain the upper hand.

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I will finish by giving you the 5 tips I give in coaching to help you argue less:

  • I remember that I am in a relationship with a person I love and consider. An argument should not make me doubt my relationship and the time spent with the other to build and consolidate my relationship. I must not accuse my spouse and generalize a small conflict that would quickly become a national drama. If I am with this person it is because I know who he is and I accept him as is.
  • I learn to speak when something hurts or disturbs me. Idon’t wait to be upset to burst into screams and overflow. (Couple disputes)
  • I listen to what my partner tells me in order to understand what he wants
  • When you feel like you’re going to burst: go for a ride! Defuse the anger that is in you.
  • When I’m wrong I have to admit it and know how to apologize. Knowing how to question oneself is proof of real maturity.
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In conclusion: do not forget that disputes exist in all couples but that it is possible to reduce and defuse them by listening and expressing your feelings. A couple is an entity that is formed and consolidated over time.

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