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How to manage a big difference in salary in the couple

Money is and will remain the sinews of war: why? Because we are in a company that only sees in relation to the number of euros that are in your bank account. The majority of people will assign you importance according to your “wealth”. In the couple this can pose a real problem of “legitimacy” in relation to your partner. We will see how to manage a big difference in salary in the couple in order to move from taboo to acceptance.

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What is your vision of money?

The first questions to ask yourself are: what is my vision of money? Why is this important to me? How can this cause problems within my couple? It is important to find the answers to be able to understand what is happening in you and through theother. If your partner earns more than you, how does it impact your well-being? Maybe you come from a penniless family and the penniless matters about your social status?


Conversely, you may also earn less than your family. Try to understand what you have in you on the subject in order to know how it can cause a blockage in the couple.

You are not your salary (How to manage a big difference in salary in the couple)

Money does not define who you are. What defines you is your heart and your qualities as a human being. In your couple you can bring happiness and lightness by your presence alone. It is said that money does not make happiness: it is a reality!

What will make your couple a real union are your human qualities and in no way your money.

No need to spend astronomical sums to be happy: a bouquet of flowers, a word about a post-it note, a restaurant where a cinema shared with your partner will be enough. You must develop your human qualities to find your happiness, because it is the key to a successful life. Money contributes to happiness but does not define it in any way.


Learn to speak to share

Pay is a taboo subject for the majority of people. How do you want to function well in your relationship if you don’t talk about your salary? How should this be a secret to your partner? Telling the truth will help to find solutions. As I told you you are not the amount that is in your bank account. If you can’t cover household expenses: say so!

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Honesty will pay off and you will be able to find solutions together. The couple is also there to support each other in the face of difficult moments of life. But if you hide out of pride or shame you will rush into a problem that will not find a solution. If your partner likes you, he or she will be ready to hear you and find common ground. Your union must be made up of exchanges and understandings and never be based on any salary.

Breaking down stereotypes to manage a big difference in salary in the couple

One of the big stereotypes of our society is the fact that the man must earn more than his wife. It is important to work on this subject, because it is not a universal truth. If you put yourself with a man, because you know that he earns more than you do: your vision of love is distorted! Sooner or later your couple will explode, because the foundations are not present.

Love will never rhyme with the word “money” but with the word “sharing.” Whether you are married or not, it is important to talk about money very quickly to blow up distorted ideas on the subject. There are no good or bad ways of doing things, because what matters is to find ‘an agreement’ that can satisfy both parties. If you decide: Madame can work and Monsieur can stay at home. There are 1001 possible combinations as long as it brings you satisfaction.


Find a common agreement to manage a big difference in salary in the couple

As I said, there are no right or wrong ways of doing things: we have to reach a common agreement. In a couple, you should not do things to please the other by feeling aggrieved. You have to find the model that looks like you and that suits you. You can only achieve this by being transparent about the subject. You need to be able to talk about what bothers you, scares you and prevents you from moving forward. It is only by being transparent that you will be able to reach a common agreement. By doing so you will find out what corresponds to you. We ignore the unspoken and we decide to avoid conflict by talking and indulging.

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Concrete example to manage a big difference in salary in the couple:

Your husband earns 6000€ per month and you, 2000€. There is a difference of 4000 € salary. You can then decide that he will pay an additional part of the rent. If you make a loan for a real estate purchase, he will most certainly have a higher percentage but then you can ask him to participate more in the races.

The easiest way is to open a common account and make each one a monthly direct transfer that is more or less proportional to the income of each one. In our case: Madame could for example put 300€ and Monsieur 600€. This would make 900 € / month for shopping, electricity and cleaning costs.

This is obviously just one example, the whole point is to find what suits you BOTH.


Accept change and evolution to manage a big difference in salary in the couple

A situation does not last forever. Yesterday’s agreement may change because it moves in a different direction. If you decide that Monsieur contributes 75% to household expenses but that over time he finds himself unemployed: we will have to find another agreement. Money is not a fixed data so you have to be able to evolve and change your vision.

The art of arguing

In conclusion, to manage a big difference in salary in the couple it is necessary: to talk and understand each other! A couple is two distinct entities that manage to find a common agreement. If you maintain a frustration on this topic, it will mutate into conflict and it can kill your couple. Learn to always speak with an open heart to find agreements and alternatives.

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