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Not in the mood for sex? – 7 golden tips for more sex drive
Is your sex life on the back burner because you don’t feel like having sex? With the tips below you can slowly build your sex drive to a higher level and get your sex drive back!

Many people don’t feel like having sex
Not having sex is a common problem in relationships. Often it is the woman who has a lower libido, but men are also unable to have sex. In most cases, this has little to do with the attractiveness of the partner and everything to do with the circumstances.

The tips below assume that your sex life was once good, but that it has collapsed because of work, children, study or living alongside each other. These tips will help you spice up your sex life in this case. If you suffer or think you have permanent complaints such as Asexuality, these tips may not work for you. In this case, we recommend that you contact your doctor.

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  1. Stress is a sex killer
    You don’t feel like having sex? As soon as there is a major source of stress in your life, your sex drive quickly disappears. Stress is your body’s survival response. When you are suddenly attacked on the street, there is a lot of stress because you want to survive. To survive, your body only focuses on the essential bodily functions, and a sex drive is not part of that at that time.

sex drive

sex drive

In our society we are not only stressed when we are in immediate danger. We also experience stress when we are in indirect danger. We have a constant stress level that slowly eats us up. We worry about our children, work, finances and so on.

Know that for many people, stress, tension and anxiety is the reason that there is no more sex drive. You get tired quickly, you want to sleep and just don’t feel like making an effort. Moreover, the lack of sex puts you in a negative spiral: you get less and less sex drive.

  1. The negative sex spiral
    If you are not having sex, the sex drive will also disappear. You may be taking less time for each other because of relationship problems. One wants, the other doesn’t feel like having sex. In the long run, your partner doesn’t even dare to ask because you usually don’t feel like having sex. Rejection hurts.
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The physical chemistry that arises during sex is slowly starting to disappear between you. You don’t blend in, you don’t feel connected. Instead, a brother-sister (or brother-brother, sister-sister) relationship is more likely to develop in which you start arguing with each other.

All the bickering makes your relationship deteriorate. You find your lover less and less attractive because of all that nagging. There is no sex.

If you notice that you are somewhere halfway or even very deep in the negative spiral, it is time to intervene. First of all, it is very important that you try to let go of the stress. We have written several articles about this on soChicken that can help you with that, such as this article about de-stressing .

And know that sex is a great way to lower your stress level!

  1. Getting started is half the battle
    Then it is actually very simple: have sex!

By having sex with your partner you immediately break the negative spiral and some erotic energy enters your relationship. After having sex once, you will notice that you start to feel more connected with your partner. This sense of belonging makes you more tolerant and kind to one another.

Maybe the sex isn’t great. If you haven’t had sex in a while, don’t expect miracles. It will feel much better next time.


It’s just important that you commit yourself to just having sex at some point. You probably don’t feel like cleaning the toilet, but you do. Sometimes this also just applies to sex. Once you’re at it, it’s not that bad, it’s even a lot of fun!

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Think about foreplay
Don’t lie in bed next to each other just to ‘start having sex’ again. When all the sexual energy is gone from your relationship, you will have to do your best to get it back. You can do this very well by having a nice foreplay.

Take time for each other. Take a shower together, watch a nice movie with a nice glass of wine. Massage each other and let one thing lead to another. You will find that once you are aroused, the rest really goes without saying!

  1. Take time to enjoy each other
    Sex in a relationship is more than just sex. It is a physical expression of your love for each other. If you want to spice up your sex life, you’d do well to generally spend more time together.

By devoting time and attention to each other, you grow closer to each other. Especially if you have children, you would do well to ‘date’ together regularly. Plan evenings for you together and also be busy with each other in daily life.

  1. Keep the flow in your sex life
    Once the negative spiral has been broken, it is important that you keep the ‘flow’ in your sex life. This means that you don’t stick to a one-off eruption, but that you have sex several times a week.
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With this you keep the erotic energy within your relationship! Experiment, seduce each other, vary and keep it exciting.

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