being happy as a couple
How do people make them happy as a couple? How do they manage to make this love last for years? How can we go beyond our differences and disagreements? Is there a user manual? A recipe that could help me see more clearly?
I will try to help you based on the book “Happy couples have their secrets”. This book gives many exercises to reflect on the vision of the couple and the future.
According to the author, John Gottman, there are 7 keys that will allow you to open the door to happiness:
1. No compromise ( being happy as a couple )
Do not discuss hours in the hope of convincing the other. If he does what you asked him it will be a form of “I do it because I have to”… That’s not how a happy couple works.
A couple that works in harmony does not require one to clean up and the other to take out the garbage. Everyone does it automatically without the partner having to ask for it.
It is necessary to ensure that the couple becomes a symphony: the tasks of life must be done naturally without clashes or anger. For this we must talk and take the time to explain what we feel, how we see things and listen to the point of view of the other.
Nothing should be done to “please” because it is the door open to frustrations and reproaches to come.
So learn:
- to speak before asking.
- to listen before expressing your point of view.
- to take into account what the other person is saying before approaching your vision of things.
Click on the arrows to see the other 6 tips! ( being happy as a couple )
2. Find the right distance
When we love tend to want to be with each other all the time. We wonder what he does when he is not with us and we would even tend to send him too many sms. To keep the loved one must respect his independence. Before he knew you he had a life, friends and activities, no reason for it to change with the relationship.
It is therefore necessary to find the right distance between the respect of one’s individuality and the love you feel that tends to make you merge. It is useless to be in constant contact. Enjoy your life and your friends and have the crazy pleasure of telling all this to your dear and tender in the evening.
3. Friendship: the basis of a balanced relationship
When I talk about friendship I mean above all that a couple that works is based on a mutual respect for each other’s differences.
It is by respecting who it is that you will perpetuate your story over time. Learn not to stumble on futile flaws that you will not change. You have to take the time to know your life and the particularities that make you person. It’s a whole set of details that will make the difference in the hard knocks of a relationship. ( being happy as a couple )
4. Defusing
Arguments are part of a couple’s life. This is useful because it allows us to move forward in our reciprocal visions and to find a common ground that we would not necessarily have imagined.
We must accept that the other does not agree.
We have to accept that it is different.
We must take the time to listen, to speak and to find a common understanding on the subject of discord. ( being happy as a couple )
5. Trust, respect and admiration
For a relationship to work there must be the right combination of three ingredients: trust, respect and admiration.
Trust is the cement of the couple it allows to remove all the fears and anxieties related to abandonment and the fear of losing the other.
Respect is equally essential because it avoids tensions and exacerbated disputes. He is there to remind us that we sincerely love and that the couple is a foundation.
Admiration is essential because otherwise love is wobbly and does not last in the future. If we do not admire his lover we will sooner or later look at another more “admirable” man.
All this allows everyone to express themselves and indulge without being afraid of judgment. We can talk about our fears, fears and doubts because we know that the other will welcome our word and take the time for discussion.
6. Exit conflicts ( being happy as a couple )
Let’s just decide to be happy!
The problems to be solved are a waste of time: the doubts about the couple and the reproaches to tire-larigot it is a battle of ego that leads to nothing.
We have the right to disagree. You have the right to be in a bad mood or not to want to spend an evening with your partner… Chaining the other is not the right thing to do! Let conflicts and disagreements suffocate on their own and accept the other and their differences will make you the perfect partner!
Focus on the positive aspects of your relationship and compliment your partner by highlighting their qualities, strengths, and perseverance. Make the choice to try to understand the other instead of making people understand. You will have much more to gain by accepting the vision of the other who will subsequently accept much more of you than if you remain entrenched in your positions.
Maintain desire
Anyone in a relationship tends to rest on their laurels and share moments as exciting as shopping or watching love is in the meadow.
A true relationship is built on the risk of losing the other at any time. Your partner should never be seen as a trinket that will collect dust without ever moving.
We are not everything for each other, he is not everything for us. Remain a source of mystery, a treasure to be conquered, a permanent interrogation that questions and gives desire.
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