How to react to infidelity? Should we forgive?

How to react to infidelity

1 in 2 men and 1 in 3 women have reportedly already been unfaithful. Of course, it is difficult to rely on statistics on such a subject. But they simply allow us to understand a little better the reality, namely that romantic relationships are an insane and complex universe.

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How to react to infidelity? Should we forgive?

If today you have discovered that your partner has deceived you and you are overwhelmed by grief and uncertainty, these few words may help you to see more clearly.

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Today I learned that he had deceived me

Revelation

It’s an evening like so many others, you find yourself at home after a long and cold winter day. You have already been feeling a palpable tension, a heavy atmosphere, for a few days or weeks now, but you are afraid to ask him to speak. You are afraid to hear what he has to say to you.

Then, having gathered all your courage, you ask him to sit down and finally ask him the question that you were burning with desire to formulate: “What happens to you? What’s wrong? Talk to me… »

And the infernal machine is engaged, impossible to turn around, impossible to swallow your words, impossible not to listen to his answer, whatever it is.

Perhaps he will hesitate. Perhaps you will have to ask this question several times. Maybe you’ll have to wait longer, but soon he’ll tell you what’s wrong. He made a mistake, he made a mistake and a few words are enough for the earthquake to declare itself: “I deceived you”.

It was at a party, it was stupid, it was a terrible mistake. He regrets, he blames himself, he has been consumed by guilt ever since. Now he is staring at you, waiting for a reaction.

The reaction (How to react to infidelity)

Yes, it happens to you. He has deceived you and you are suddenly overwhelmed with a multitude of conflicting feelings and a host of new questions that you are again afraid to say out loud.

Pain, pain, the feeling of having been betrayed, and guilt also invade you. One cannot help but wonder whether one has any responsibility. Has anything been done? Have we neglected our partner? Have we neglected ourselves? Have we fallen into the famous and all-too-famous routine?

Obviously, this fog, these questions, these emotions are a “normal” reaction. But I think that on reflection, after taking a little time for yourself, the only questions you have to ask yourself are: “Do I love him?”, “Can I forgive him?”

Reflection (How to react to infidelity)

Infidelity takes on a thousand faces: a kiss in the evening, a slip after years of marriage, etc. And I do not believe that there are only two options, to leave him or to forgive him. I believe that it is up to each one to make his choice and to try to understand the other. I do not believe that anything is irreparable.

Communication and understanding are key, as is often the case in romantic relationships. I think it is still important to hear your partner, to let him put his finger on what made him unfaithful before making a decision.

Be careful, I am not saying that infidelity should be minimized or absolutely forgiven, but human relations are of unheard-of complexity and nothing is all black or white. Only you know if you feel able to listen to and understand your partner. There is no recipe and I do not think that the proverb “unfaithful one day, infidel always” says true. Each situation is unique.

In short, everyone is the master of his choice (How to react to infidelity)

We can advise, accompany and listen. But we can’t dictate your choice. He deceived you, is this a reason for breaking up? Does this mean that you have to write off your relationship or marriage?

not necessarily. Once again, you are in control of the situation. You know your companion and it’s up to you to ask the right questions.

If this is not the first time this has happened and you are convinced that it will start again, this is obviously a reason for breaking up. If we talk about an ongoing affair and repeated lies, it can also be a reason for breaking up. If you feel that it was really a major mistake, once and your companion wants to do everything possible to be forgiven, because he loves you more than anything, he may deserve the benefit of the doubt.

What is certain is that it is important to ask oneself, to reflect and not to react in haste. The important thing is to carefully weigh your decision and above all, not to have any regrets. The important thing is to get rid of the pain, no matter what choice you make.

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