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I can’t stand my husband anymore

I can’t stand my husband anymore. How many wives have, alas, already uttered this phrase? Tired of its defects and its manias, its delays, its lack of attentions. There are several reasons for this frustration that often come up and testify to the exceedance of the tolerance threshold of many women. Because the life of a couple is not a long quiet river, it happens that love is no longer enough. And what seemed like a detail can become unbearable with the weight of everyday life, work, children and various obligations.

This can make it difficult not to give in to anger or annoyance. How not to be overwhelmed by these negative emotions, how to keep calm? What are the solutions to avoid tensions and conflicts? I can’t stand my husband anymore: what should I do?

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I can’t stand my husband anymore: what should I do?

First and foremost, if there is one thing to do, it is to identify, know and understand the reasons for your annoyance. And their degree of importance. What are these things that you can’t stand anymore? How much does this annoy you? Is it just annoyance or does it generate more serious sensations and emotions in you? Disgust, anger, sadness?

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Why can’t I stand my husband anymore?

Many couples go through this phase but this does not prevent them from finding a new breath afterwards. The important thing is to understand what is going on and not to let the situation get worse.

It is said that love blinds, and at the beginning of the relationship this is true. Those character traits that you initially liked about him are now proving to be annoying. For example, you who admired his ordered side, here you are to consider him as a maniac of storage. You who loved his calm, now he can’t stand you to be too soft.

I can’t stand my husband anymore: do I still love him?

So first thing, we must not forget that you fell in love with him and married him for his qualities and flaws. Don’t throw stones at him today for things you’ve accepted since the beginning of your marriage.

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But the problem is that over time, on a daily basis, its qualities turn out to be defects. Or that other defects have appeared. And you only see that, because your husband does not adapt to your couple, to its evolution, to your family life, etc.

Most of the time, this period of crisis is normal and can even be healthy, because it shows you that it is time to readjust and redefine your relationship. Any rejection that seems definitive does not necessarily mean that one has to separate. Nothing is irreversible. We simply need to know how to approach the crisis intelligently. First of all, we must find the main reason for this.

The reasons that make your husband unbearable in your eyes

Your tolerance threshold

In the first place, it may be interesting to gauge your tolerance threshold in recent weeks, or even in recent months. Your condition may explain why things annoy you more easily than before. Do you have a professional problem? A source of stress or fatigue? There may be personal reasons why your tolerance threshold is in free fall. Be careful, this does not mean that your husband is perfect and that it is your fault, absolutely not! But analyzing the situation by knowing its emotional and psychological state makes it possible to understand it correctly.

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Routine

When the train-train settles in a couple, it is necessary to be careful that boredom does not invite itself. You are no longer interested in the daily life of the other, you get wessed of what he tells you? At home everyone makes his life in his corner, one watching TV and the other on his phone? You no longer know what it’s like to share real moments of couple together and your only common interests are household chores and children.

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There is no more complicity between you and you have the impression that it does not affect him, that he is very good. This routine highlights a slippery husband, homemaker, selfish, who procrastinate for everything and is not interested in anything? The bad routine is the love killer of many couples but this is not insurmountable.

I can’t stand my husband anymore because of his character

This routine reveals traits of her character that bristle you and it is often this that becomes crippling for the majority of wives. Laziness, procrastination of all kinds, easy criticism, a certain machismo, selfishness, softness haveso many examples. These character traits that you initially tolerated are now abhorrable.

Indeed, the personality of each one obviously has a lot of influence on the overall health of the couple. When fatigue, disappointment, anger and stress are at the rendezvous and you no longer make efforts to spare one another, in the long run, you will no longer be able to support yourself.

Money and work

These two reasons are very much opposed to the spouses, it is a recurring factor of anxiety and stress. Financial and professional problems often create disagreements within the couple who, instead of remaining supportive, fail to manage the problem. A tight budget, an overdraft, an unexpected expense, a job loss or on the contrary a ubiquitous job can ruin everything. By force, you can hate the work and financial values of your spouse in one way or the other, whether he works too much or on the contrary not enough, and therefore by ricochet it is he that you take in aversion.

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A common vision of life in danger

If you fell in love and got married, it is because you had a common vision of love, the couple and life. The balance of the couple is indeed based on one or more common objectives, projects, desires. If over time, your husband no longer pays attention to this and only thinks about his career and his personal future for example, inevitably, the discomfort sets in. You feel misunderstood and your relationship is strongly disturbed. You can no longer stand his selfishness, his vision of things and therefore his presence. This is one of the most serious reasons that can keep a couple away. Indeed, the divergence of life goals weighs heavily in the balance of a household. Spouses who no longer share their vision of life will find it difficult to agree on the long term.

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I can’t stand my husband anymore: what should I do?

What reactions do you have to this annoyance? How do you behave with him?

Do you avoid conflict?

For this, you change the subject rather than talking about what is not really right.

Are you trying to dominate the situation?

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It is you who are always right and he always wrong, reproaches and emotionality at the end.

Are you sacrificing yourself?

You give up your feelings to preserve your relationship and your family at all costs by constantly making concessions.

Pretend that everything is fine, be in the permanent reproach or make the round back hoping that it passes . So many reactions that will not allow you to get out of this infernal spiral and to fix things, on the contrary. The more you leave the situation rotten, the less you support your husband.

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What do you need to do to find a happy relationship?

Working on oneself

For an adjusted reaction, you must first do some work on yourself, before blaming your partner and making him wear the hat. Yes he has wrongs, but start from you, from your inner feelings to understand what is happening.

The important thing is to listen to your inner self, to calm down, to identify your needs and expectations. Understanding each other to better react and communicate positively so that we can be heard.

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It is necessary to be alone, think about one’s own situation and make decisions. If nothing goes wrong with your couple, why not go for a few days with your family or friends, just to see more clearly?

I can’t stand my husband anymore: a responsibility often shared

The important thing is to give yourself the time to look at your life as a couple, with an observer, not a judge, to take stock of the wrongs and responsibilities of each of you. Relativizing the faults of the other and kindly looking oneself in the face is a good start.

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We must admit that this negative situation, this impasse in which you find yourself, is the result of your interactions with both of you.

To get out of it, smoothly, you have to go beyond the famous game “It’s not me, it’s you” and share the responsibilities. Assuming that you are together in this mess, you are on the right track.

Write him a letter

Writing a letter to your husband, to tell him what you have on your heart, is a good way to defuse the situation. What you like and what annoys you about him, his flaws as well as his qualities, what you want and what you propose for a more serene couple life …

It will be a good basis to start a calm and constructive discussion with him, in order to redefine together what you want for your wedding.

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Positive communication

Do not procrastinate for too long, you need to puncture the abscess and address the problem. Saying things is important, being open and sharing your feelings to identify the unhappiness with your eyes in your eyes is the essential solution.

If the situation improves at the end of your exchanges, we must not believe that everything has been resolved. Once the crisis has come to light, it is essential to agree and trust each other. Together, we need to make a clean sweep of the past and reorganize your life as a couple in order to rethink your relationship. 

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Multiply the activities together, have real moments for two at home, make efforts on the tasks of everyday life . Depending on the things to improve, you can imagine everything to revive the complicity between you.

Marital therapy

If, on the contrary, you feel helpless and unable to communicate well with your husband, a good option would be to call on a couple therapist. A professional will be able to accompany you in the resumption of dialogue and the constitution of a new start for a more fulfilling relationship, more aligned with your values and your needs to each one.

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In any case, if you still love your husband and your union is close to your heart, dialogue is essential, no matter the way. Perseverance, patience, benevolence and action are the key words. On both sides!

What if it’s too late?

If after all these efforts, you can not reconnect to your spouse. You must ask yourself the fateful question: can our marriage be saved?

Very often the signs do not deceive. If your husband does not change, continues not to pay attention to you, that he does not invest despite your efforts. If gestures of affection and intimacy are non-existent, it’s time to say STOP!

You are unhappy and you have tried everything but nothing works. Besides, you can no longer project yourself into the future with him. Separation must be considered. A difficult decision especially if there are children, but which is necessary because it is essential for you to be happy in the future, with or without him.

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