mistakes not to make as a couple
When you are in a relationship, and especially if you have not experienced long relationships, it is possible that you make mistakes… And that’s normal, because that’s how you learn! However, to avoid any hassle or small frustrations, Tata amour 118 218 will reveal all its knowledge! Here are the 15 mistakes not to make as a couple if you want your relationship to last!
1) Neglect your friendships
When you are in a relationship, you may be so obsessed with this new relationship and so excited about the idea of finding the chosen one of your heart that you forget your friends… Those friends who were there to cheer us up during our previous breakup, with whom we could have fun all night, on whom we could count at any time and at any time!
It is essential not to leave your friends out! So I know you’re going to tell us the same excuse that we hear everywhere and in all sauces “I don’t have time”. Yet you have time to watch an entire series on Netflix all afternoon, right? If you say that you do not have time it is because it is you who decided so, it is not God, the universe or the king of pandas who cursed you! Set time with your friends at least once a week, and go see them without your partner!
2) Not communicating effectively (mistakes not to make as a couple)
If after each argument, you go for hours or even days without talking to each other, it is because there is a problem… Communicating effectively in the couple means two things: the first is to say what you think and what you feel so as not to have unspoken words that settle in the couple and that will then turn into resentment and then anger.
The second is to communicate the way your partner communicates. Let me explain: Can’t you imagine going to the bakery to ask for a slice of ham? In love it’s the same! If your sweetheart is, for example, a DIY enthusiast, talk to him about important things by making references to this universe so that he better understands the problem or what you have important to say to him.
Use the way he speaks, works, as well as the gestures he needs to receive to feel loved. Some feel more loved by a hug, others by a gift, or others by words (“I love you”).
Find its language and adopt it to talk about problems, conflicts or things that are important to you! The same goes for him by the way!
3) Tell your spouse badly to your friends (mistakes not to make as a couple)
Instead of saying bad about your spouse to your loved ones, what if you talked with the main interested party? By saying bad about your partner or your couple, you are sending the message to your loved ones that you are unhappy in love and that your couple is going badly.
Thus, your loved ones, unconsciously to protect you, will give you all the reasons to end the relationship. Your couple problems already are only yours (you and your partner of course), and since every person and every couple or couple experience is different, your friends will not be of any help to you and may even give you advice that does not suit you. In short, waste of time and a negative day ahead!
4) Try to force things
If you feel like you constantly have to make efforts in the relationship, you may not be able to communicate with your partner. It’s not by forcing things or pretending that it will get better! Often, this takes place when one of the partners wants to control everything absolutely and wants everything to go as he imagined… Serious mistake!
Everyone lives their lives as they see fit and you can’t change or force a person. Change is only possible by oneself. Show yourself 200% in love for 3 weeks without anger, judgment or resentment, and if after this time your partner does not reciprocate, decide whether or not you stay with him!
5) Be too possessive (mistakes not to make as a couple)
If your darling is still in your paws (after several months in a relationship, we obviously excuse the very beginning of the relationship), it could be that it is a little possessive, which is not at all healthy!
The possessive person feels jealousy, a fear of loneliness and wants you to belong to him! Unless I didn’t know, I don’t think she found you in the toy department next to Barbie’s convertible car! No one belongs to anyone! Everyone is free to think, say or act as they wish (as long as it remains legal, do not make us say what we did not say :p)!
A feeling of excessive and repetitive jealousy is the worst thing about a couple! First, you show the other person that you don’t trust them, and also that you don’t have high enough self-esteem and confidence. You only have one scare, and that is that he leaves you, cheats on you or throws you away like a bunch of tissues!
Let your other half breathe, recharge, live his dreams and carry out his projects. Do the same on your side and do some work on yourself to learn how to be alone! No one wants to live with someone who is jealous, dependent or can’t be happy alone…
It is not love, only a possessive attachment (anobject like a blanket to a child that we do not want to leave for a second). A nice dressing is not enough, it is the wound that is underneath that must be healed in depth! And for this, only a work on oneself and with a professional can remedy it!
6) Compare your spouse with your exes (mistakes not to make as a couple)
There is nothing worse than people comparing each other! Each one is unique and what works for the couple of Giselle and Maxime would perhaps be abominable for Martine and Augustin! Each couple has its history, its energy, its love!
Love is not a boxing match where couples have to constantly prove to others that they are the best! By constantly comparing yourself with others, you give so much importance to others that you are no longer centered on your relationship. Thus, you are not free to act or love as you wish, you do not enjoy as much as a couple who loves each other at its true value and especially you argue more often because you put barriers in your couple!
Do not forget, by the way, that the couples you fantasize about only show you what they want to show you! You don’t see the problems, conflicts or frustrations they experience on a daily basis (this is the case for all couples!). It’s up to you to decide which couple you want to be! The unfortunate and frustrated one who fantasizes about the couple opposite? Or the one who lives his love as he sees fit, no matter what others do and what they say about it?
7) Do not discuss things that annoy (mistakes not to make as a couple)
If there are points in your relationship that seem essential to you and you do not address them with your partner to avoid having a bad evening or that it turns into an argument, you will accumulate frustrations and unspoken that are the breeding ground for the breakup.
Talk calmly about what is important to you, what you want in your future life and if your partner is not in line with your dreams, find compromises or leave him! Yes, sometimes you have to stop going around in circles!
8) Lack of tolerance and not know how to forgive
The couple is one of the best learnings of tolerance and forgiveness. You will always be faced with situations where you will have to show tolerance or forgive your partner. No one is perfect, and remember why you chose this person over another! Thus, you will see that these little things that annoy you about her, may not be much compared to what she offers you on a daily basis!
9) Love the person as you would like to be loved and not as you should (mistakes not to make as a couple)
Feeling loved is equivalent to a whole lot of small attentions made on a daily basis! Hearing him say “I love you”, hug us, look at us tenderly, make us laugh and spend an intimate and quality moment together, prepare our favorite dessert, make us a little surprise, prepare us in a sexy way and put this perfume that we love so much to please us, … All these things are important for the people in the couple to feel happy, fulfilled and loved.
However, there are some things that we appreciate more than others. For example, Estelle will feel truly loved if her darling tells her “I love you”, while for Fred, what works best for him is hugs. Everyone has their own language and their own way of feeling more love. There are 5 of them: Words, touch, services rendered, gifts or small attention, and moments of quality. What matters to you and your couple is that you each know each other’s language. Thus, during moments of disputes or conflicts, you will know that your partner will be much more attentive, if you accompany your words with the language that best suits him to feel truly loved.
10) Not mastering your words and emotions
If you can’t control your emotions, I have the great regret to tell you that you can never succeed in your relationship (and we can also apply it to your professional life). The couple is the best playground to grow, discover oneself and discover the other, have more tolerance and control one’s emotions. (mistakes not to make as a couple)
What is it like to control your emotions? It is thinking before acting instead of reacting! Many people panic at the slightest problem and make a whole cheese out of it! They can talk about it for hours and hours and at the end of that what’s left? And bah you completely washed out and devoid of energy! Nice boyfriend or girlfriend! If your partner has “again” forgotten to put his socks in the dirty, it will be absolutely useless to say the same thing again by going up in a tone or using more vulgar words… Quite the contrary!
Know that there is no point in hoping that it changes if you always do the same thing! Talk to Him with his words to HIM, his body language to HIM, and with HIS way of feeling loved. It is by changing tactics that you will be able to create a change! Remind him that you love him and tell him why it annoys you the most! How do you feel when he acts this way? Why do you feel hurt or unre respected? And above all, do not forget: think and act intelligently instead of reacting wildly for everything and anything!
11) Not respecting each other
Mutual respect is one of the fundamental keys to good understanding within the couple and for their longevity. Respect goes through listening to the other, communication within the couple, respect for the needs, values and life choices of his partner. Everyone lives his life as he sees fit and it is impossible to change the other. Thus, if there are things that bother you to the highest point in your partner, the breakup would perhaps be the best solution. (mistakes not to make as a couple)
Language is especially important! It takes 7 kind words (and said sincerely and with emotion) to eliminate 1 bad word (to forgive and eliminate resentment in your partner). Respect begins with the language and the choice of words used, and that is why it is essential that you eliminate from your vocabulary all atrocious words and insults.
Say how you feel by turning things differently and fading your words (use lightly”, “a little”, …). You can make your message heard clearly while not hurting your partner and couple. With respect and kindness, we are no longer able to listen to the other, while conversely we will be more likely to turn and unconsciously form a wall between the person and you with insults.
12) Not knowing your injuries and blaming yourself all the time
It is well known in psychology that when you make a reproach to a person, in reality, you do it to yourself. Get to know yourself by working on yourself and reading psychology and personal development books. For example, you might be led to think that your darling does not care enough about you and abandons you, when in the end it is you who abandon him by bringing credibility to these thoughts.
By wounds I mean those from the book “the 5 wounds that prevent you from being yourself” by Lise Bourbeau: Rejection, Abandonment, Humiliation, Injustice, Betrayal. For the good understanding of the couple, it is essential to know yourself and your injuries so that they do not play bad tricks on you in your relationship!
13) Be ashamed of him in the street or in front of friends
If you feel a little embarrassed when you are accompanied by your partner on the street or at parties with friends, it may be because you give too much importance to people. Break down the barriers that society tries to put in our heads, and freely love your partner for who he is and for the love you share together. (mistakes not to make as a couple)
The look of others, we don’t care, it’s not the others who are in your couple and in your bed! Love is unique and every couple is different! Will you be sure to enjoy yours?
14) Base your relationship on superficial things
If your relationship is mostly based on superficial things, there’s a good chance your relationship won’t last. After the passion, which only lasts a few months, you may notice that your relationship is suddenly empty. Appearance, money, gifts or other superficial elements may fill you for a while, but emptiness and sadness will come very quickly at a gallop! It is by detaching yourself from superficial things and focusing on the important shared values (love, respect, communication, loyalty, freedom, creativity, humor, …) that you will be able to live a healthy, lasting, fulfilling and true couple relationship!
15) Not being together for good reasons
If you have been in a relationship with your partner for the wrong reasons, it is obvious that you will experience in the coming months, frustration, pain, anger and resentment. For the wrong reasons, we mean getting together to: be in a relationship, please mom and dad or friends, for money, to start a family, not to be alone, … As the saying goes, “it’s better to be alone than poorly accompanied”. Take time for yourself, to know what you want to live within a couple, what are the points and values that you would like to find in your partner, then open your eyes!
I hope that you liked this article and that you managed to get rid of your bad habits as a couple that can spoil your life and your love!
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