Men and women in the face of love: are we really so different? | Talking about Love

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Men and women in the face of love

When it comes to couples, there are many clichés and they have a hard time. If men are manly beings who rarely epilogue on their romantic feelings, women are sensitive and able to communicate for hours, in order to understand why their companion forgot the #love on their last Instagram selfie.

Clichés of this style, related to the genre, we could list thousands of them. But do they really refer to a reality? Difficult to answer other than yes and no … Some men are more romantic than their female counterparts while sometimes women have as much trouble communicating their feelings as their partners.

In fact, the issue is one of the most complex that exists. It is as much a question of education (the way in which we are educated to become a woman or a man, social norms) as it is a question of personality: we are all different and are all the more so in a couple and in the face of our romantic relationships.

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Men and women in the face of love: are we really so different?

The big question of communication

I am a woman and like many of us, I have already been faced with one of those intractable situations where I want to communicate with my partner about a subject of importance, but in the face of which it is completely closed. Let’s take the example of a fairly common dispute: for some reason, I have the feeling that my companion does not like me enough, not well enough, not as I would like at the moment. So, I try to talk to him about it, to express my feelings to him and I come up against the fateful answer: “but not my love, I still love you as much, you have ideas” Communication is broken: what can we answer in the face of this? Of course, this is very anecdotal, but I think it is a very good example of what is classified as “fundamental and unsurpassable gender differences”.

From this, it could be deduced that when it comes to love, women have certain needs because they are women and men have others because they are men.

But it is mainly a question of education (Men and women in the face of love)

Or as the social sciences would say, socialization. Already, because unconsciously and indirectly, little boys are taught to keep their feelings to themselves (we must not cry when we fall off the bike). And so, we teach them to internalize, to repress, all so as never to show vulnerability or weakness.

Then life, school, society subtly do their work (to simplify the idea as much as possible) and when they reach adulthood, men (for many of them) find themselves helpless in the face of any question involving their deep feelings.

Unfortunately, this is a fact, but it is not innate, it is not in our genes, nor in our biology. Of course, it’s related to our s.e.x.e, but to our SOCIAL s.e.x.e.

The importance of awareness (Men and women in the face of love)

One of the first steps to get rid of clichés, preconceived ideas and other social diktats is undoubtedly to become aware of their existence, and then to question them, all in the light of one’s own personality.

Why, when my girlfriend explains to me that she feels less loved, I automatically feel unable to enter the discussion (if that is the case)?

At the risk of repeating something that has already been said too much, I would like to remind you that communication is essential in a couple. The sinews of war, essential for balance, well-being and good understanding within a couple. But that’s easier said than done.

Relearn how to communicate (Men and women in the face of love)

Yes, that is the key. Relearn how to communicate, especially effectively. This is the first and main way to overcome the social roles assigned to us from early childhood. It is a question of opening up to each other, so as to (re)discover each other.

And it’s not as complicated as it sounds… Why not start by always taking the time to think about what our partner has just told us? Anything, the tiniest detail. Ask yourself for a few minutes and try to understand the words that have just been spoken, their origin, etc. We simply have to remain open to the feelings of the other and not enter into a “you are wrong / I am right” scheme.

We are different, not only because of our biological s.e.x.e but also because of our experiences and our personality. We all want to be loved and just try to deal with our lives, our personalities and the largesse of things that they imply (our fears, doubts, tastes, education, etc.) So, different yes, but human and able to overcome what separates us thanks to the love that unites us.

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