At the beginning of a relationship, you feel like you’re one with your partner, you’re a fusional couple. At this stage it is normal to feel a fusional passion for the other, and this is partly due to the hormonal changes of the romantic encounter.
But when comes the need for independence, defusion of one, it can be experienced as very painful for the other, who has become emotionally dependent.
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What are the dangers of the fusion couple? How to transform it into a healthier and more balanced relationship?
The dangers of the fusion couple
The problem in a fusional relationship is that one exists through the other. This can lead to negative consequences on the couple:
- A phenomenon of DE socialization: we naturally cut ourselves off from loved ones to focus on our partner only.
- Limits to actions: you no longer go out without your partner, you do not dare to act alone, try new things.
- A decrease in self-esteem because we no longer exist individually, we merge into the couple. One loses value in the eyes of others, and in one’s own eyes, because one becomes only “the woman of… “, “the spouse of… ». So we lose our own identity.
- Constant anxiety related to separation. People who are in a fusional relationship feel an anguish at the thought of losing the other, at the very idea of separating for a few days. Physical separation is seen as a heartbreak: the days of waiting are numbered and are experienced as uninteresting. The feeling of abandonment in the couple is very present.
- Emotional dependence: it is often a lack of love for oneself, which means that one will seek to fill one’s emotional lack with the love of the other, on which one feeds. But after a while, the other can choke and leave, because he feels an unpleasant pressure. This is why phrases such as “I can’t live without you” or “without you I’m nothing” can be misunderstood in a couple.
Merging couple: The importance of rebalancing the relationship
Reconsider your image of the couple
I invite you to modify your image of the couple, to get out of the dangerous pattern of love fusion.
It is cultural to think that the ideal couple is fusional; it is envied by many people. The fusional couple is often represented in cartoons, love films etc.
But it is an illusion to think that the couple is self-sufficient, that life around it no longer has any interest.
You must therefore reconsider the image you had of the couple until now. The role of the romantic relationship is not to save you. You don’t need your partner to be happy.
Learn to see the couple as two very distinct people, with unique personalities, and their own lives on both sides. Two people who choose to share certain things, without sharing everything.
Everyone must keep their lives next door, so that they can maintain a balance and meet their needs.
Gaining autonomy and independence (Fusion couple)
You are your own pillar. Learn to rebalance your life, so that the couple is as important as the other areas of your life: family, friends, work, activities etc.
You don’t need to share everything with your partner to be happy. Don’t feel compelled to imitate previous generations who think that couples should share everything. You yourself know what is good for your relationship, trust yourself.
Dare to assert yourself, say that you do not agree when something does not suit you, or does not seem right to you.
It’s normal to disagree all the time in a couple: it’s even healthy and stimulating. This makes it possible to have topics for discussion and debate.
A happy couple is not made up of two people who agree on everything, but two people who have different needs and opinions, and who find compromises to preserve the relationship. A happy couple has as value the freedom, that of spending time together, and sometimes to take time for themselves, each on its own.
Fusion couple: It is essential to love yourself
Maybe you’re so good in your fusion bubble, that you don’t want to get out of it. You no longer feel the need to see your family, your friends, you may no longer be able to concentrate at work for example. Understand that this need for fusion surely shows an emotional lack that you are looking to fill.
Because if you had enough love for yourself, you wouldn’t need a partner to be happy and feel like you exist.
So take time for yourself, learn to love yourself, to know yourself, so you don’t have to look for your worth in the eyes of your partner.
Only you know your true worth, and you must love yourself before you love the other. You have to put yourself first, because you never know what may happen. The most important thing is that you keep in mind that no matter what happens, you will always be there for yourself. Your partner is the icing on the cake.
Conclusion: getting out of the dangerous mechanism of the fusion couple
The fusional couple is not ideal as we believe, and it is important to take a step back on the risks of the love fusion.
You’re not just your couple, you’re much more than that.
Your couple is not the only thing that matters in your life, it matters as much as the rest. So take care of your relationship, your lover, but don’t forget all the other important things in your life.
The ideal couple is not the one we see in the movies. The ideal couple is the one you will build together, with ups and downs, agreements and debates, sharing and arguments, and that’s fine.
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