I am not happy with him but I remain: testimony of Aure

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I am not happy with him but I remain

I’m not happy but I can’t leave him. How many of us have ever thought about this? A lot. However, it is not always an easy reality to assume. That of not being a fulfilled woman within her couple. Not feeling good enough to be happy. To each its definition of happiness as a couple, it can indeed take different forms because each has its own vision of happiness. Personal development within the couple meets many criteria that cannot necessarily be named. It is a mixture of emotions, sensations, various feelings. And in the center obviously arises the question of love. 

Can we be in a relationship while having this feeling of unfinished for a very long time? Do we have to sacrifice some things for the benefit of others to be happy together? How do I know if to stay or leave? Why is the choice so difficult to make? Here is the testimony of Aurélie, 36 years old, in a couple for 5 years, on this subject. I’m not happy with him but I stay. She expresses her hesitations, her questions, her doubts, her hopes.

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Testimony of Aurélie, 36 years old: I am not happy with him but I remain

“I met my companion 5 years ago, he is a good man, of value as they say, with whom I know that the future can be serene. I know he will never knowingly harm me, and after all the misadventures I have experienced with men in the past, I longed for a haven of peace when I met him.

This is what I felt when I met him, sweetness, tenderness, calm. Lukewarmness,too?

I told myself that if it wasn’t for the passion, the passion of the beginnings, it didn’t matter. That this time I was going to fall in love gently,build my happiness with him differently.

As time went on, we obviously shared our daily lives together, we are there for one another. But he has always missed this little flame, this desire, this madness, this passion. My companion is a man of habits, routine, who needs to be reassured, to create a comfort zone.

He likes to organize everything, he proceeds in our life as a couple in concrete steps to check, as for his work. It validates things one by one, does not leave room for an unexpected, and therefore not for surprise. He is a reassuring, reassuring man. But with which I get bored. I suffocate at times in this sincere relationship certainly, but terribly routine, smooth, as already programmed in advance

If at the beginning, all these things made me feel good because they reassured me, I realize today that we do not build our couple on habits, that tenderness is not enough, is not enough for me to live the great love. Am I too demanding, too idealistic?

I’m not happy with him but I stay… What to do?

I’m not totally fulfilled, not happy. Love him yes, but am I really in love with him? I ask myself this question and I blame myself. My past experiences have shown me that passion is not the answer to everything, does not allow happiness.

I was very unhappy when I got lost in an overly passionate relationship with a man who didn’t value me. But today, I also can’t be happy in the lukewarmness of a stable relationship.

Is that my problem? Is it love that I idealized?

I can’t know where I’m at anymore. Often I feel unable to leave it but sometimes I tell myself that if I stay, I will suffocate. That I am not sincere. And if I stay, will time do things?

I feel like it’s been a tight little life and I hate to think that way. Conversely, if I leave, will I not fall back into my ways, seeking love in the wrong place, in the ephemeral passion? (I am not happy with him but I remain)

I talked to him, expressed my doubts, yes I tried. But no matter how much we communicate positively, there are things about which he will not change. Things that he does not understand because we do not consider love on a daily basis in the same way.

I am torn between this part of my personality that needs surprises, passion, the unexpected and this other part, this woman who wants to be loved serenely. And whose biological clock is ticking, I’m not going to lie and who doesn’t necessarily want to start all over again.

So to build my life as a woman as a couple and become a mother, should we keep certain things quiet, stifle certain desires? Can’t we have everything as a couple? To know marital happiness, should we talk about concessions or sacrifices? »

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