Fidelity in the couple
After the seductive partner, let’s talk about what bothered us precisely in this idea: that of the unfaithful partner.
The term “faithful” is vague. He can talk about dog, friend, clientele, literary adaptation on screen or… Couple (oh well then, no kidding!). As this is also the point that interests us here, I went to inquire about the definition of marital fidelity, according to the Larousse dictionary: “Done, for a spouse, a romantic partner, to be faithful to the other, and, in particular, not to commit adultery”.
This official marital fidelity is the one that can be pronounced at the time of marriage, or that is formed automatically at the birth of a couple. Sometimes this fidelity can be discussed, questioned… Let us not hide it: it often hurts.
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A matter of respect for others ( Fidelity in the couple )
I do not think that marital fidelity is limited to this definition. It is not only adultery as sinned, the problem (after all, no one is punished for adultery anymore, the only risk being to lose money during a potential divorce, it seems to me), but this idea that by breaking loyalty, one breaks the trust of the other.
That is why it is also so difficult to recover from infidelity: our self-confidence is in the lid and it takes time to learn to rebuild… And to trust again. Being unfaithful and loving someone are for my taste two things a priori incompatible. By being unfaithful, one loses all respect for one’s “official” partner and one cannot love others without respecting him above all.
And to be “unfaithful” without breaking trust and respect? It is possible, this is the case of so-called “libertine” couples. I could not make you the topo of libertine couples since it is not a real trait of character, each couple is different, each couple has its own rules. The whole point is to agree on it! Only, if the other knows and totally accepts (without manipulation) that his partner goes “to see elsewhere”, we can think that in the end, this “infidelity” is no longer really one. ( Fidelity in the couple )
What I have observed on several occasions are couples of two people who are both attracted and by men, and by women who allow themselves to go elsewhere but only if it is with a woman, for the woman (or with a man, for the man). They tell me that “it’s not the same”, “it’s more to test everything that attracts us” or “I can only fall in love with one boy but I am carnally attracted to both, men and women”. In short, no generalities for all that, this arrangement is of course not reserved for them and is not unique to them either, each its rules, each its motivations.
When this system works, I find it totally healthy.
The limits of the “unfaithful” couple ( Fidelity in the couple )
But when do the problems come? Yes, these problems, so relous… They occur if only one of the two partners is unfaithful, that the other consents but keeps only one carnal partner… problems can also happen if by dint of dating the same lover, the person begins to fall in love with him and no longer knows who to choose…
Watch out for the possessive partner who refuses to give you loyalty but expects it from you. Watch out for the one who honestly admits to you that he is not able to be if you know that you will keep him as the only carnal partner. Beware of your own jealousy, which can sometimes also be quite justified.
Infidelity, if consented to, must remain physical and not sentimental. If it is not consented to, it must not be tolerated. Accept infidelity within your couple only if you feel like it yourself, especially do not suffer from it.
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