How can we no longer be possessive in love
Being possessive in love is like taking a little of the freedom of your partner. In a couple, it is normal to have an element of jealousy but it must not reach thoughtless proportions. Possessiveness, like sickly jealousy, can gradually destroy the couple. Wanting to control the other, to monitor him, not to leave him any more independence.
These are signs of possessiveness that lead the couple straight into a crisis, or even a breakup. Getting there is very dangerous for the couple. Are you possessive? Are you aware that your behavior can ruin everything to the point of losing the one you love? Before we get to that point, we have to react. It requires real work on yourself. How can we no longer be possessive in love? Here are some tips.
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How can we no longer be possessive in love? 7 tips
#1 Become aware of one’s possessiveness
First of all, before we even think about solving the problem, we must be aware of it. You realize that your behavior is harming your couple but you can’t put the words to the problem. If you can not trust your partner, that you are convinced at every moment that he hides something from you, that you necessarily think of the worst, that he deceives you, it is that you are possessive. Once you become aware of this you will be able to begin to heal from this possessiveness that ruins your life.
#2 Understand why we are possessive
There are several reasons for possessiveness. It is common for possessive people to have wounds, a lived experience or an education that have marked them a lot. For example, if you have not been used to making decisions, entrepreneurship or taking risks.
This then translates into a huge need for security, through habits that reassure you, through an almost timed routine in your couple. Controlling everything, knowing everything gives you the impression that nothing bad can happen to your couple. You are unable to let go with your partner, unable to fully trust him.
Possessiveness is also explained by the lack of confidence in oneself and in one’s relationship, because it is transposed to one’s partner. If, for example, you have been unfaithful or you have had a complicated parenting model you will lack confidence which will trigger the lack of trust in your partner.
#3 Don’t shut yourself in: the importance of communicating well
A possessive person will often make a scene when he feels threatened but can also close in on himself. None of these reactions will be effective. The best solution is to communicate with your partner, nothing can be resolved in screams and tears. Explain to your partner why you are in this state and if you have any real doubts or even evidence, show them. If all this is unfounded, listen to his explanations and try to keep calm.
Observe the situation objectively and talk about it together. Whatever the situation, remember that shouting or mutism will only make the situation worse. The important thing to remember is that only good and true communication will be able to help you move forward together and solve your problem of possessiveness.
#4 Regain self-confidence (How can we no longer be possessive in love)
Lack of self-confidence is one of the most important signs of possessiveness. It is because of this lack of self-confidence that you cannot trust the other. You constantly feel a feeling of insecurity that makes you doubt everything and everyone and especially him. You have this feeling of not being worth anything compared to other women for example. You need to be able to stop focusing on others and focus on yourself.
Just ask yourself this question: if he fell in love with me and we are together it is surely for who I am. So why would he look elsewhere? Make a list of your qualities, what makes you a beautiful person and ask him too because it will reassure you a lot. Once these qualities are highlighted, develop them further. You have value and you need to be aware of it
Let’s move on to more concrete things.
You understood that you were possessive and that it had to stop for your couple to have a future. So now you have to get down to business and change your behavior on a daily basis to make it work.
How can we no longer be possessive in love? 3 other tips
#5 Give your partner freedom
This is one of the main fears of the possessive person: let his partner go out without him. Yet you will have to get through this step. Everyone needs independence and in a couple it is vital. It is normal to have a secret garden as long as it is obviously not harmful to the other. So let him go out with his friends and to better endure this moment do the same on your side. Organize an evening with your close friends who will reassure you during the evening.
Settle for a single small message to find out if he has arrived and if eventually he has a good evening and then stop, put away your phone and enjoy your friends! When everyone returns from their evening you will be happy to meet again and quietly discuss what you have done. It will be serene and soothed and this is what you absolutely must succeed in doing to maintain the balance in your couple and to fight the possessiveness.
#6 How can we no longer be possessive in love? Stop monitoring it
Messages at any time of the day or night, coping on social networks, surveillance at the end of his work… Stop all this if you did. Once again, it is a question of giving him freedom and, above all, of trusting him. He tells you often, you don’t have to doubt him, he loves you as you are so believe it even if it is very difficult for you. Just make them understand that you are doing the right thing but you just need to be reassured. A few messages in the day will please you and him too and it will reassure you and soothe you.
#7 Accept it as it is
You shouldn’t want to change everything about the person you’re in a relationship with, otherwise it means you don’t really like it. If we can all evolve to be a better version of ourselves and some defects must and can be erased, then this is not the case. It is you who have a problem of possessiveness, he has nothing to reproach himself for and it is not by trying to change it that you will solve your problem.
Tell him how to dress, what time or what he needs to eat, how to behave with your family or friends, take him back every time he speaks. These are, of course, signs of possessiveness and control that must be removed. And in addition you infantilize it by doing so!
You fell in love with him as he was, why want to change him?
Each person has his personality you have to accept his own. You have, of course, the right to disagree with him and vice versa on certain things. Expose each one your ideas calmly without wanting to absolutely impose yours on him. Otherwise you will run to your loss, finally to that of your couple.
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