Taking stock of your sentimental life
I received a question from Emma who today has to take stock of her sentimental life. Let us help it to respond to its various doubts.
Taking stock of your sentimental life: Awareness: I am no longer happy in my relationship
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Hello Léa,
It was by pure chance that I came across your site.
And it made me want to write to you…
Why? And yes, why?
An awareness in my life and especially for my life as a couple. ( Taking stock of your sentimental life )
I explain, I am 36 years old, a child 5 years old and I have been in a relationship for 17 years, married for 7 years.
A husband on the move who has been ilioning France for nearly 14 years.
14 years (we can even talk about 17) to live by seeing each other only on weekends… Basically, it never suited me, I always had hope (and waited) that things would change…
Especially when our child arrived it was a total upheaval.
And I experienced this situation even more difficult. Juggling on all fronts: working, taking care of our child, trying to be a loving, understanding and involved woman etc…
I have a very respectful husband, a wonderful dad, a great person, who I know has a lot of affection for me.
But, I think we missed a tick somewhere. ( Taking stock of your sentimental life )
And even if we try to do the best we can and talk and exchange, make things work, there is something missing. I may miss him more than he does.
I am a joyful, emotional, jovial and communicative person who likes to bite life to the teeth, and I feel (for a while now) that I am totally lost.
I often think about what my life would be like if we were no longer together, about my newfound freedom, about even giving me the right to live another story?
It’s been going through my mind for many months…
Recently I made a meeting with another man, not really important (nothing happened), but the simple fact of having let me go to this meeting, made me admit that something was no longer going on in our couple.
And then a simple question, upset me, “are you happy?” ….. Well… In fact…. NO!!
So here I am facing my doubts, my questions, uncertainties….
Difficult to leave, when we have never left, and when we have loved each other for a long time…. that we have a child together…. To tell ourselves that we never wanted that…. But that quite simply we can no longer wait, hope, languish, depress, anguish…. And that one simply wants to be an actor in one’s life again, without having the impression of suffering it…
Taking stock of her sentimental life: My answer to Emma’s question
Hello Emma,
You are very lucid about your case, your life and everything around it. You yourself have analyzed the situation perfectly well and are taking stock. If you have an opportunity to meet it will allow you to really know where your priorities are.
Your life as a couple
Imagine: you meet a charming man who seduces you. What is your reaction?
– I am married, out of the question.
– Maybe it would be worth it to experience something crazy.
– Finally! What I was waiting for!
The question is: do you think that, if you liked a man and vice versa, you would be ready to leave your husband? Where do you still have the secret hope that one day everything will change and that he will become the man you have always dreamed of?
Your husband is not often there, you have had to make sacrifices for your family life and you do not regret it. However, today you are tired of having given so much without taking care of yourself. I think you love your husband, you have a lot of affection for him but the life he offers you does not suit you. And we come to the second point:
Your personal life ( Taking stock of your sentimental life )
You have given a lot all your life and I think you have totally forgotten yourself to the point of not really knowing yourself anymore and not knowing what you want. Your personal life (apart from your couple) is certainly not full enough and, thus, you are too waiting for the other (here, yourhusband). If he can’t give you what you want, then you have to make sure you access happiness alone.
Not to mention going elsewhere, doing activities, cutting yourself off from your daily life could only do you good. You need to find yourself, to love life for yourself and not for or thanks to someone else. You can be master of your life while being with your husband.
What’s hard to know is the love you feel for him. Are there still feelings or just resentment? It is certainly not easy to leave someone, it is even very painful but when you are sure of yourself and you are unhappy, leaving the other can remove the thorn that you have in your foot. You will not be able to remain frustrated in your life indefinitely, you are still young and opportunities will not be lacking, it is up to you to know what you want deep down: whether it changes or leaves your life.
My advice:
– Treat yourself to a trip. Find a date when your husband will be available and leave two weeks together, away from everything. This will allow you to find yourself and above all, will allow you to see if your feelings are still present. Indeed, his absences weigh you down, so how would it happen if you had it to yourself, 24 hours a day for two whole weeks? ( Taking stock of your sentimental life )
– Sign up for an activity that you like: you will meet people who share a common “passion” and with whom you will forge links.
– Take care of yourself as if you were single. Live for you: pamper yourself, book, play sports, shopping and outings with friends!
– Ask yourself the following questions:
- Would I miss him if he came out of my life?
- What exactly would I miss?
- What are its qualities?
- Do others have the same ones or is it the only one to have them?
- Does it always make me happy?
- How did he make me happy before?
- Am I afraid to leave it? Am I afraid of loneliness?
- What do I cling to? What does he have that no one else has except a common past with mine?
- If I had to do it again, would I relive the same life?
- If it had to be done again, what would I change?
Emma, your awareness is painful but it will be beneficial to you afterwards because you will finally be able to change things. I remain available if you have other questions or just need to express your feelings.
Yours,
