The first time: mirror of our entire sex life?
Overwhelming, calamitous, stressful or simply boring. A first time does not happen the same for everyone. But one thing is certain: we all remember it for a long time. So, is it still just an anecdote? How much will it influence our sex life?
Does a failed first time compromise our future sex life? The answer is no. A first time doesn’t necessarily define the rest of our sex life. A memory that is certainly difficult to forget, but several factors come into play in the construction of our sexuality: it differs according to the men and women, the level of desire , and the feeling of success of this first time.
The sex therapist Alain Héril confirms: “It is obvious that the first time is important in the sexual life. But at the same time it is not going to condition it entirely. It’s like Christopher Columbus who discovers America. Once you put the first foot, then there is the exploration, the discovery. It’s an important moment, but it’s just a foreshadowing, a preamble ”. (The first time: mirror of our entire sex life)
The 1st time, a highlight of sexuality …
It is, however, very difficult to let go of this memory. Why does he score so much elsewhere? For Alain, “the first time has an initiatory character”. Very often, it occurs at the time of great adolescence . The median age of first sexual intercourse in France is 17.4 years for men and 17.6 years for women.
The young person then enters a period of discovery of himself and especially of the other. “In the first time, there is a quest for autonomy, beyond initiation. All of a sudden, we experience things related to ourselves, with our own pleasure too, in addition to that of the other.
It is the discovery of the sharing of intimacy ”. Suddenly sex is not just about personal pleasure, masturbation. “It is a defining moment in the human adventure and the construction of sexual memories. It is therefore natural that it leaves traces ”.
Traces all the stronger since there is also the stress of the unknown, as with all the first times. “Yes there is pressure, which is not only social but also internal and individual. We often ask ourselves the question: am I going to get there? Will I be up to it? », Decrypts the sex therapist. “There is no manual. And the emotional dimension of a first sexual encounter is so strong that it is impossible to really prepare for it ”.
But different in men and women (The first time: mirror of our entire sex life)
Do men and women experience this relationship in the same way? 72% of women are in love with their first partner compared to 64% of men. Another big difference: only 6% of women would have an orgasm during their first time against 70% of men!
The very perception of this first sexual relation often differs according to the genders. For Alain, “this difference in approach is very cultural and linked to the social discourse held about boys and girls. So indeed, they will not approach the first time in the same way ”.
More romanticism in women and more virility in men? The hypothesis may seem slightly caricatural, but it remains partly true for Alain: “for the boy, the first time is almost the moment when he confirms that he is indeed a man. He will often be very conquering, a little predatory, despite the stress ”. (The first time: mirror of our entire sex life)
In other words, the technical aspect is very important in men: fear of premature ejaculation, fear of breakdown, fear of doing it wrong, fear of hurting your partner, a lot of worries that go weigh on this first report. “Young girls often think that this 1stlover is the man of their life and often include in their first time a strong sentimental and relational commitment. Which is less the case with boys. He continues.
Everything does not happen the first time
But what about the second time, third time, tenth time? Do we reproduce, even unconsciously, the diagram of the first time? “Sexual life is on the move,” says the sex therapist. It will therefore not be the same at 16 as at 40, no matter how catastrophic or magnificent our first time.
“Sexuality is an experience, or rather an accumulation of different experiences. We are not in a cut and paste system, an identical reproduction of our first reports. It is an important moment, an entry into our sexuality, but it is not fundamental ”. (The first time: mirror of our entire sex life)
The proof: 1 in 2 people would regret their first time. However, half of the population is not that far dissatisfied with their sex life. “And fortunately” concludes Alain “We must not give too much importance to our first sexual intercourse because it will generate stress that does not need to be. Sexuality is above all a place of pleasure, joy and discovery ”.
My first time First time
ah! Whether it was exquisite or disappointing, everyone remembers their first night of love. An important step in everyone’s sex life, and which remains memorable anyway. You told us the memories of your first time, discover them!
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