Being in love with a much younger man
Can we fall in love with a younger person? Being in love with a much younger man? A much younger woman?
“Love is when the difference no longer separates”. Jacques de Bourbon Busset
You have been able to charm me subtly with your compliments. Maybe at that time, that’s all I needed, it’s just what I wanted to hear. You have done everything to erase our age difference, to make me forget it. I might have expected, with this ten years that separates us, that your speech would be overrated, your approach immature, that you would be nothing but a beautiful speaker. No, none of that. Finally, fine words, yes, of course. When you want to seduce the other, you are not stingy with compliments and pretty well-turned sentences. But it was not out of place, you had the intelligence of respect, sweetness, tenderness. I felt as equal.
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Was your approach calculated in advance or sincere? Was your speech oriented because of our age gap? Do we address a woman differently, depending on whether she is ten years older or younger, to seduce her? What about a younger or older man?
Can we sincerely fall in love with a man or woman ten or fifteen years younger, for example, when we are 35, 40 or 50 years old? In short, is age an essential criterion in love? Being in love with a much younger man, a much younger woman, is it an obstacle?
When you are a woman, do you automatically fall into the category judged and if fashionable cougars?
Are we necessarily classified as an easy, light woman, who loves young people for play and sex only? Can’t we talk about romantic feelings?
These young men from twenty to thirty years old who, for many it is true, see in these women potential mistresses to maintain them or incredible lovers, eager to share their so-called new sexual freedom assumed, their insatiable appetite after the failure of a marriage, of a failed, bland union, without real carnal pleasure. The mature woman as she is called from a certain age, or who has simply already experienced the life of a couple, would therefore necessarily be a cruncher of young men, eager to multiply the male conquests to reassure herself? So many clichés…
What about men in their forties, sometimes for a long time, who are with women much younger than them? (Being in love with a much younger man)
It is a reality rooted for a longer time in mores, it is not a recent fashion phenomenon so it seems more accepted today, it is less shocking, even if we remain in this double cliché: “A young woman types an old man for money and an older woman types a young man for sex.” This is the shortcut very often made!
But does this mean that love, in these relationships with age difference, is a myth?
Are romantic feelings impossible, does one of the two necessarily use the other? Is it unhealthy to love a 25-year-old man when you’re 40 or a 50-year-old man when you’re 30? abnormal? Or downright utopian? Is this age gap too large to allow sincere feelings to develop to create a true couple relationship? Is having 10 or 20 years of difference with your partner an obstacle from the outset, a criterion of non-selection? Is it still a game, a balance of power, an interested link?
And besides, why is the age gap so stigmatized?
It is almost always perceived as a problem, a source of deep imbalance in the development of a couple or worse considered as a scam to feelings. For many it necessarily means that it is not a real story, that it is just to have fun, to reassure oneself, to have a good time, to use the other. Can we project ourselves with someone who is twice his age, who has experienced what we are barely experiencing? On the other hand, can we find with a younger partner all the maturity necessary to build a real secure, reassuring, balanced relationship, with common projects?
What if we put aside existential questions about the viability of a couple with a certain age difference, to get back to basics. To emotions, to feelings. To what is uncontrollable. To love.
Can we fall in love with someone younger? (Being in love with a much younger man)
From what age is this acceptable, tolerated by others?
The concern, and this is normal, is that love is obviously associated with desire, with sex. And that it is this physical, carnal, intimate aspect that disturbs mentalities the most. Is it abnormal to experience a physical attraction, desire and then romantic feelings for a man or a woman who is not of our generation? How far is this acceptable? 5 years? 10? 15? afterlife? Where is the limit? Who defines it as proprieties?
Today, in our societies where separations and divorces have become commonplace, there are as many quadragenaires as 25-year-olds on the “celibacy market”. And these 40-year-old men, to take their example, who have known the life of a couple and family for years, do not necessarily want to live a real story again. The same goes for women. Hence the multiplication of the number of singles and the difficulty of “rebuilding one’s life” today. And often, this leads to a phase of celibacy with the need or desire to make ephemeral encounters, to collect adventures, to put aside one’s experience to let go and forget certain responsibilities; this is often linked to the fear of a new commitment.
So it is not surprising, while these singles in search of lightness are having fun, that others seeking to settle down, do not find the necessary maturity in a man or a woman of their age but rather in a partner of 25 or 30 years who has not yet experienced real sentimental failure, who is building his life, and is not afraid to engage in a sincere relationship. This does not mean that we should blame others or judge them, only it is clear that the age of singles has increased considerably and that it is not surprising that people with a decade of difference find affinities, because despite their age difference, they find themselves according to their experience and their desires on the same path of life and want to move forward at the same pace.
Is a couple with a large age gap really more likely to separate today than others? (Being in love with a much younger man)
There are certainly studies on this subject, but I do not believe that this is a determining factor in the face of so many other causes of rupture. Today’s society has exploded certain barriers, certain landmarks and single people are directly affected by the evolution of mentalities. For the worse more often than for the better, alas. This necessarily leads to excesses, and the other is too often considered as an object of sexual consumption that one uses at will before throwing it away when one no longer feels enough desire or that one has found elsewhere something to satisfy his new impulse. And in this universe of relationships with a big age difference, it often seems amplified.
Because of all this imagination around cougars, gigolos, old beautiful and venal girls. It exists, yes. For every relationship of this type, one can encounter the worst. But it’s everywhere, there’s no need to live an offbeat story today to know that. The most banal stories have their share of unhealthy games, lies, emptiness. In the end, the important thing is to know, despite everything we can hear on the subject, all the opinions received that we have not even asked for, if we feel something, if we are in tune with ourselves and with the other, if what we are experiencing is reciprocal. Whether you are 40 years old and the other 25 or the other way around.
Can we fall in love and love someone despite ten or twenty years apart?
In my opinion, yes. Is this necessarily doomed to failure? No. Can this last? Yes. Will it be easy? Maybe not at first. And those who embark on such a story know it. They know that they will have to suffer the gaze of others, the pseudo advice “it’s for your good” and the judgments. Love stories that the norm deems unhealthy, shameful, or simply too complicated, according to its predefined criteria, there are plenty of them. Age, weight, height, skin color, origin, religion and even social background, the difference is pointed out and stigmatized. always. Ignorance and stupidity create fear and fear creates judgment. But love does not need differences and timidities, judgments and wickedness.
Who said that the most beautiful love stories were the simplest?
“Since the dawn of time human beings have loved each other with love. Whatever the difference. Love has no age, there is no impossible love, all love is better than the lack of love.” Philippe Labro