It is always me who offers to see each other, what to do?

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It is always me who offers to see each other

You just met someone you really like and everything is going well between you. The only problem: it is always you who offer to see yourself.

Another scenario: you’ve been seeing someone for several months, but it’s not really official, you’re not sure where your relationship will lead. But you would like him/her to get involved more often, and take more initiative about meetings.

Because today you feel like you’re not important to him, and you’re frustrated that you always have to propose and adapt to his schedule.

It is always me who offers to see each other, what to do? Here are the possible reasons, and the solutions.

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It is always me who proposes to see each other: the possible reasons

He/she is not really interested

He/she is simply not as involved in the relationship as you are, as he/she does not wish to go any further. And maybe he/she doesn’t dare to tell you.

To find out if he/she is really interested, observe the signals.

Does he/she invest in the relationship in another way? Can he/she reassure you with his/her words and/or actions? Do you still feel important to him?

Is it in his/her nature to be distant and independent, or do you feel that he/she does not offer to see you because he/she is little invested in the relationship in general?

Does he/she answer “yes” almost every time you offer to see you? When he/she is not available on the date or time in question, does he/she offer you an alternative?

All these questions help you to know if there is really an interest on his side in continuing the relationship.

He/she does not know if he/she wants to go further (It is always me who offers to see each other)

It is also possible that this person does not know what they want with you today. He/she may be lost and the possible reasons are many: already in a couple, coming out of a breakup, has personal problems, or other projects in mind.

If you have any doubt, try to find out more in a simple discussion.

He/she feels less need for it

Each person has his own representation of how a couple should function, especially on the frequency of meetings.

You may need to see this person physically more than he/she does.

This often happens when in a couple one person is more dependent than the other. At first, when there are no feelings yet, it is normal not to spend your days together, but it is important that you know quickly if you have the same vision of what you want in your relationship or not.

He/she waits for you to do it systematically (It is always me who offers to see each other)

Strange as it may seem, some people simply do not like to take initiatives, either as a rule or within the couple.

Among women we can evoke what I call the “princess syndrome”, when a woman thinks that “it is up to the man to take all the initiatives”: this is a belief that still persists in our society today.

It can also simply be a shy person who does not dare to make you a proposal for outings for lack of confidence in him / her. Imagine, if he/she offers you an outing that you don’t like, how would he/she feel?

This can also be the case of a person who is more comfortable in writing than face-to-face, so who fears these moments of physical proximity. In this case, it is up to you to put him/her in confidence.

We also find the profile of the one who does not like to plan (who lives thoroughly the present moment), so who leaves you the joy of mental load …

If the other person waits for you every time to offer to see you, see if this person possibly makes efforts in other areas to take care of you, because he/she feels more comfortable for example: he/she is attentive, he/she helps you cook, he/she writes to you often etc.

It is always me who proposes to see each other, so what can be done so that he/she takes more initiative?

If you feel good about this relationship, and want your partner to take more initiative for your meetings, the first thing to do is to remain positive and pleasant in your exchanges.

Indeed, if you start to reproach him/ her, to make him/her understand that it is disrespectful or inappropriate to never offer to see you, he/she may turn his/her on.

You can first suggest that he/she take you to a place he/she likes without revealing the place to you, a bit like a game.

On D-Day reassure him/her by showing him/her that you are happy to discover a place where he/she is used to going. This can encourage them to start again, because you have a positive circle.

It is always me who offers to see each other

Then, if not, be clear about your intentions about the relationship.

If you want a serious relationship with this person, you need to get out of the role of the simple friend or lover. Schedule a discussion to set the record straight about your desires, and see if he/she is ready to follow you.

If necessary, open your heart to him and share your feelings with him, without showing that these are demands on your part, or reproaches again. Because the reproaches make us even less willing to take initiatives.

Be firm without falling into reproach. Share with him/her that you would like him/her to offer to see you from time to time, as you would feel more important to him/her, since you care about him/her. If it is reciprocal, he/she will be touched by your words and will want to make efforts for you, be sure of that.

Conclusion: what to do when it is always me who proposes to see each other

If despite your efforts and discussions the situation does not change, I invite you to stop wasting your time with this person. When you really care about someone, you make an effort to see them.

If it is temporary and exceptional, why not. But it is a situation that must not last over time, at the risk that you will lose confidence in yourself and in the other. A relationship is made by two, not alone. So stop exhausting yourself, because your energy and time are precious.

You deserve to be a priority in the eyes of your partner, as is the case for you.