The sulking machines

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The sulking machines

There is the crisis, there are tsunamis, EUR 30 billion embezzled every year in France, poverty in the world, global warming; these are all factors that could lead to discord. And then there are “we”, about 3,500,000 inveterate sulking people who sow chaos in the hearts of our dear partners. We are brown, blonde, redheaded, thin, skinny, well in point, funny, intelligent .

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We are all different and yet, besides our common passion for shopping and ass-ass-la-praloche series, the only real common point that we all share is our ability to make the mouth for absolutely nothing. Yes just like that, because we feel like it, maybe to get the attention of our darling, maybe just for the pleasure of creating an engueulade because we are bored there, right away.

So gentlemen, today I am going to give you the secrets to detect our sulking behaviors! ( The sulking machines )

• We who are, most of the time, real pileless, suddenly lose our voice when we sulk. “No no no, I will not say any words, he must realize that I am making his mouth”.” The problem is that most of the time, you ignore our sulking, which has the gift of exasperating us more.
• When we sulk, we like to talk by text while we are a meter away from you.
• We like to play it “Hollywood”: when we have you on the phone, we hang up in the middle of the conversation. Just to mark the occasion (once again, the problem is that often, you don’t care!). (The sulking machines)
• We don’t eat anything at the table or we gobble up like never before in order to make you notice an impressive behavioral change and that you are at our little care. (That doesn’t work often either. Thin, we still wear out a thousand and one tricks yet. We are zero in strategy we must believe).
• When you ask us the famous question “do you make your head?”, we answer “no, no” with our eyes flickering from bottom to top/ from left to right. Yes, we love to stage ourselves!
• When we make the mouth and you ask us “why don’t you eat” the answer will always be the same: “I’m not hungry”. In reality, we are starving but rather losing our hair rather than admitting it. (The sulking machines)
• Conversely, if we ask you if you are hungry (we know that the answer will automatically be “yes”, a guy is always hungry, it is a fact), it is just a fine ploy (or not) in order to have the pleasure of answering you: “bah will make you eat then”.
• We turn our backs on you in bed and make sure that we do not touch any part of your body. While usually, we love to intertwine our respective legs!
• We are constantly looking for the little beast: if you watch TV, we will find fault with the chosen program, if you check your emails on the computer, we will want, as if by chance, to check ours etc..
• We’ll take some pleasure in throwing you in a haughty tone: “I’m going to see Vincent”, you know, this guy you hate!

• We will of course talk to our dear and tender friends so that the sulking becomes a real melodrama.
• We cry and make you believe that we do not want you to see us cry when in truth, we have just put water on our eyes so that our mascara acts as a dripping black marker. (Yes, it can happen to us, we go very far sometimes!).
• You can hold a whole day with two words: “yes” and “no» (The sulking machines)
• Most of the time we pretend not to listen to you. Based on “hmmm?”

We will sleep on the couch hoping that you will quickly come to pick us up because it is cold in the living room. And if by some miracle you actually come to ask us to come back (while you are, a priori, for nothing), we make ourselves desired. Gender: “oouuaaiiss. I know paaass” “I have to think about it”. After which you leave (which is normal). And we sulk even more!

This non-exhaustive list will enlighten you on the sulking behaviors of your friend. Even if it annoys us more than anything, the best is not to react to our whims (shit, why I say that me!?).

First reaction from a reader (The sulking machines)

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