My wife does not want a child and I suffer from it
In each love story, it is important to know how to make concessions so that the other feels understood and respected. It works when it comes to the way of life or practical details of everyday life for example. But when it comes to some important issues of the future, such as children, everything is much more complicated. Making the decision to become parents is not easy but when it is shared everything is beautiful.
However, when one of the two refuses to have a child when that is what the other wants more than anything, how to do it? This is your case, your wife refuses to have a child. Conflict seems inevitable because it is not an unimportant issue in a couple, quite the contrary. How to manage this situation that necessarily makes you suffer? How to make the other understand his desire? My wife does not want a child and I suffer from it: what to do?
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My wife does not want a child and I suffer from it: what to do?
#1 Try to see more clearly
First of all, try to find out the reason for this refusal. Why is she against the idea of having a child? Has this been ingrained in her for a long time or is this a more recent opinion? It may be related to past suffering, to deep fears… What you need to know is already the reason. You need to clarify things with her by having a calm and serene conversation. Do not get upset if she opposes you again by a categorical refusal, try to understand why and then you can advise. It may be something transient that can be settled over time and in this case she can eventually get help if she needs to face certain things from her past.
#2 Don’t blame her (My wife does not want a child and I suffer from it)
Being a woman does not necessarily mean becoming a mother. Not all women feel the need and desire to be mothers, it is not an obligation and everyone is free to make their own choices. What’s important to know is if she had ever told you about it? Have you ever discussed the subject together? If you have already discussed it you cannot say that you were not informed of its decision. At best you thought it wasn’t really serious or that over time she would change her mind. Therefore, you should not blame her if she had warned you. Be patient and attentive and talk about it calmly, it is not impossible that the idea will make its way.
#3 Don’t blackmail or force
You are not going to take away her contraception or threaten to leave her. That would obviously be intolerable behaviour. You should not force her to change her mind if her desire does not match yours. If you insist, let you blackmail her emotionally to make her give in know that it will not be a solution. She will feel manipulated and it will not bring anything good. An unwanted and “forced” pregnancy will be badly experienced and the consequences will be disastrous for the future child, for her and for your couple.
My wife does not want a child and I suffer from it: what to do?
#4 Try to understand his choice
Surely this is a very difficult question to ask but maybe she doesn’t want a child with you? It’s not easy to accept but maybe it doesn’t project itself that far with you? It is surely fine like that. It is also possible that her love for you is very strong and possessive and that she does not wish to share with you. In short, all questions, even the most difficult, and however painful the answers may be, must be asked.
#5 Give it time
This will only work if the answers to his choice are not definitive. It may be, as was said, that it is transient and that she needs time and work on herself to consider becoming a mother. If this is the case, arm yourself with patience and let it do this work quietly by taking the necessary time. As was said, rushing things and putting enormous pressure on his shoulders will not help. It is not easy to be patient in these moments but know that it is more than necessary.
#6 My wife does not want a child and I suffer from it: accept her choice and separater?
If unfortunately it is firm and definitive and it leaves you no hope, you must make a decision. When couples really love each other this is very difficult to accept because love is not at stake, it is a difference of opinion but which has a great impact on the future of your couple. Only, even if you love yourself, you can’t go on like this. There are not fifty solutions… Either one of you accepts and resigns, or you each remain on your positions, and in this case separation becomes inevitable. It all depends on the importance of your desire to become a father.
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