Why is living as a couple so difficult?
The life of a couple is not easy. Why living as a couple is so difficult?
Why is living as a couple so difficult?
To try to answer this question, I propose to return to the origin of the Feminine and the Masculine.
The man would come from the planet Mars which symbolizes the action and the Woman of Venus, symbol of sweetness. They therefore do not emanate from the same energy and do not have the same function, not the same role.
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Yet they have a common mission, the perpetuation of humanity through the love that will engender parenthood. (children) Read on (Why is living as a couple so difficult)
Indeed, it must be admitted that in the unfolding of natural things, in its original function, the couple has no reason to be only to make children.
And for this, each one is complementary, therefore different. Man or woman, we do not have the same functioning. Only our rights can be equal, because the rest cannot be compared.
However, we too often expect the other to understand and react according to our own feelings, to respond spontaneously to our needs, our expectations, our functioning and this is not possible.
Neither can really feel what the other is going through because it is not in their nature. (Why is living as a couple so difficult)
Indeed, since men and women do not have the same function (at least initially), they do not have the same constitution, not the same programming.
The primary function of each has conditioned a different genetic potential, the famous X or Y, depending on the ability to develop to fulfill his mission as a man or woman.
The hormonal system of the two are very different and the physiological and psychological consequences are also very different.
The woman carries the child and gives birth to it: she has an innate biological and emotional function of protecting and nourishing the child: it is mothering and it is almost innate. The first game of a little girl is to play the mom.
Moreover, how many women complain in their life as a couple, that they must also be the mother of their spouse.
But let’s go back to our differences that can often explain our differences.
A story of vision (Why is living as a couple so difficult)
The woman’s vision develops peripherally. Its field of view is wide because it must monitor peripherally and multidirectionally.
Women manage to do several things at the same time, like the organization of their brain: it is biological for women.
And although the verb is of the masculine gender, the word, the communication is one of the prerogatives of the feminine.
Yes, women are talkative. The word comes earlier to girls than to boys.
The word soothes, comforts and reassures. It serves to humanize. And this function is the responsibility of the feminine.
In summary, the woman is characterized by her Venusian function of sweetness and maternal reassurance for the well-being and safety necessary for the child to develop.
However, maternal function is not enough to make a child a self-confident adult. The child needs openness to the outside world and confrontation with society.
For this, the paternal function is required.
Mars is the energy of action, of discovery, of evolution into the unknown. He is a conqueror. He will look outside or create the activity that will allow the subsistence of the family. It must build the future of this family and protect it as a whole. (Why is living as a couple so difficult)
Being the steward of external contingencies, it is he who must instruct the laws and rules necessary for social life and represent authority.
To develop these abilities, man is endowed in the first place with his greater build and the hairs that cover him. These ancestral attributes corresponded to the function of hunter and warrior, man being more often outside, in the cold, than warm in his cave.
Above all, he has a very different vision from ours and that difference makes so much difference.
Its field of vision is horizontal, to see essentially in front, far, in the future.
He does not perceive all the details around, both literally and figuratively. This makes man, by nature, more selfish.
Few men will notice when they come back that you have done all the cleaning. Some even struggle to see when you go out of the hairdresser’s house. And if the jar of jam is not in the precise axis of their vision, in the middle of the closet, they will not see it and you will hear: “But I do not see it”.
Similarly, these concerns are often more “important” in nature than his wife’s. It is difficult to plan or organize for races, childcare or even your birthday whose date is approaching, because it is in a completely different organization of your life, work, finances, the future. He has much more difficulty concentrating on everyday life than he tends to forget very quickly, not out of ill will, but because his deep nature catches up with him. (Why is living as a couple so difficult)
In short, if we could only exchange our visions for a few hours, perhaps we could then realize how different our perception of everything and therefore of life is.
And who says perceptions, also says feelings, experiences, expectations, needs.
We should remember this every morning, because being aware of it is one thing, but integrating it is often much more difficult.
But if this approach can provide an explanation for the difficulty of understanding oneself in the daily life of a couple, does it provide a solution?
Knowledge and integrating it (Why is living as a couple so difficult)
Already, knowledge makes it possible to avoid attacks of paranoia and strongly guilty reproaches: “It is not possible, you do it on purpose”.
Because, in general: If this is possible and No it does not necessarily do it on purpose.
Except: if he is a pervert or if these scenes have become so daily that he has become deaf and blind. In both of these two cases, it is the couple that may need to be reviewed.
But above all, if the evolution of society has made us forget too much about the nature of things, it has offered us a new choice.
Because of or thanks to it and the evolution of mores, the psychological and social factor of the role of each has evolved.
Thus, women fought to bring out and have their share of men recognized. They have become emancipated and are no longer just gentle and self-sacrifice.
And men, too, were able to claim their share of feminine, and not remain only warriors.
They even invade the salons of aesthetics and some even get depiled.
So, today it is possible to choose which type of man suits us best. (Why is living as a couple so difficult)
If we choose a man whose feminine degree is low, a rather “macho”, if it is the conquering, manly side of a man who inspires us, then we must admit that his functioning will not always be in line with a need for romanticism, confidences and spontaneous attentions.
If we choose a man whose feminine degree is important, we must not ask him to impose himself by large-scale actions. And it can be all the more “in the moon, elsewhere”.
But my point would be incomplete if it did not mention homosexuality.
Indeed, if nature submits to laws, we are free to transgress them and to make them evolve.
Difference is a necessity for similarity to be possible. Both are essential.
Humans have a nature, but not the feelings. Love has no sex, no gender.
This is how love alone can afford everything.
And if homosexual couples cannot procreate together naturally, their struggle and the evolution of society today allow them to access parenthood.
This is proof that the function of the couple is, whatever the gender of the couple, inherent in the child.
It is up to each of them to find the right balance.
Perhaps we have to make a choice between having our cake and eat it too and smiling at the creamer.
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