mistress of my ex-husband who is in a relationship and I suffer from it
I received an email from Mr. who explains his complicated but not singular situation! She explains to me in her email “I am the mistress of my ex-husband who is in a relationship”. This is a situation that happens strangely often and we will see why. But before, here is the email of Mr.
I am the mistress of my ex-husband who is in a relationship and I suffer from it
Hello Léa,
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There you have it, I live a situation that makes me suffer terribly and I do not know how to get out of it. Two years ago, my husband and I decided to separate. In fact, he was the one who took the lead. We used to argue a lot and then, one day, he met a woman. And that was the trigger: he left.
I have suffered enormously as you can imagine. Seeing the man with whom I had shared 12 years of my life leave with another… it ripped my heart out. I tried to meet other people, I even registered on a dating site. I met a man, we dated for six months but I couldn’t let go. C. was always in my thoughts.
One day, C., my ex-husband, sent me a message telling me that he would like to hear from me, and offered me a coffee.
I admit that I jumped at the opportunity, I wanted so much to see it… It’s been a year and a half since I’ve seen it, not touched it, not felt it. I knew deep down that it wasn’t a good idea, that it was going to reopen the wound, but it was stronger than me, I couldn’t refuse.
It was stronger than me (mistress of my ex-husband who is in a relationship and I suffer from it)
So, we found ourselves in the café, I fell in love with him right away. My heart was beating hard, I wanted to kiss him. I had made myself beautiful and I saw in his eyes that I always liked him. He then offered me to go for a drink at his house, his friend was not there. I’ll let you guess what happened… This woman with whom he had deceived me was deceived by myself.
We’ve been seeing each other at least once a week for six months, making love like never before, telling me that he loves me but doesn’t know where he is anymore. I love her like crazy but I don’t want to be the turkey of the farce. He tells me that he is no longer so good with the other woman… We only see each other at his house, we make romantic dinners …
Do I have to cut the bridges forever? How do you know what he really wants?
I am my ex-husband’s mistress: My answer
Hello M,
Thank you for your trust and for agreeing to have your email published here.
Let’s start at the beginning.
Why did he remind you when he was in a relationship?
There are three possible reasons.
The first: He wants you for intimate pleasures
It is possible, after 12 years of living together, that you know each other by heart on an intimate level and that only you know how to give him so much pleasure in bed. Although he liked the beginnings of his relationship with the other woman (novelty, forbidden), today he is bored in bed with her. And decides to defer to you. I don’t think that’s the case here because if you make romantic dinners, you chat together… It is that intimate relationships are not are one and only purpose.
The second: he is completely lost (mistress of my ex-husband who is in a relationship and I suffer from it)
It is quite likely that C., your ex-husband, feels totally lost. He is torn between you, the woman he loved, the woman he lived and built with. And the other. The one that made him rediscover the passion but that, in the end, does not offer him as much as he expected. He may also compare her to you, and he may lack elements of character that he liked about you and that he cannot find in her. Making a choice is therefore extremely difficult for him. And out of cowardice, he prefers for the moment to play on both sides.
The third: He really loves you and wants to get back together with you
It is also possible in your situation that C., has realized his love for you. That he realized that only you were able to make him so happy. It is likely that he realizes that your problems as a couple, your daily arguments at the end of your relationship, were just a bad time. But let him now want to resume. However, apparently, he is not sure where he is.
How do you know what he really wants?
Unfortunately, I do not have any magic power to give you the answer. On the other hand, here is what I advise you:
Do not give him an ultimatum, he would risk rushing and hastening to choose and thus, not making the right decision. On the other hand, I advise you to write him a letter (and yes, we are on talk damour here!). (mistress of my ex-husband who is in a relationship and I suffer from it)
A letter where you would express your love but also your inability to continue to share it and lead this life. So you are not in the ultimatum, you simply tell him that at some point you will have to stop for your sake and to move forward.
Example of a letter you could write to him:
c.
The last few months have had a magical effect on me. The feeling of lightness, that all the problems had gone away. Because I am good with you, that I have always been despite our discords. Not everything has always been rosy I know but I have always loved you. And even after we separated, my love for you remained intact.
But on the one hand I am beginning to feel guilty: I am doing to this woman what she has done to me. And I don’t want to be the mistress of anyone, not even my ex-husband. And above all, sharing you is unbearable to me. After sharing 12 years of living together, I can’t bring myself to have our relationship hidden.
I’m not saying it’s not pleasant: we live moments out of time, forbidden moments that make me rediscover butterflies in my belly. But I, for one, need stability. And I know I have to move forward, with or without you. I am not telling you that I am going to get out of your life overnight, I am telling you that I love you and that we will not be able to go on like this indefinitely.
You are the love of my life C., I am convinced. No one knows me so well, no one loves me or has loved me you know how to do it. You’re not perfect but I love you entirely.
Hoping you understand this letter,
I kiss you
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